Batya33

Thank you - I read this wrong. I thought the fiancee wanted to meet the ex one on one. I agree that a group meeting is fine but no need for one on one because of the obvious motives. My situation was the new wife wanting to meet me -the ex girlfriend (and no kids involved).

I think in an established or regular relationship there often is implied consent. I lived through the early 90s "Antioch college" rules of consent -I was way out of college but it was - really interesting how I think that one college came up with all of these guidelines for getting consent -each and every step of the way. I'm sure SNL did a skit on it. Certainly if two people just meet there should never be an assumption that intercourse is ok. But as others and I said if it's not verbally communicated before being in a private location with a new person or a change of plans like "sure you can sleep over but I'm just up for cuddling and smooching tonight, k? I was asked in a non pressured way by a couple of guys whether I was "sure" I didn't want to - and I simply confirmed and all was well. But yes it was verbal.

Say it by writing or typing it out then sending it to yourself. Your hard time isn't about her as a person but about you. I hope you feel better and more peaceful.

The next time you're having to play detective don't- don't play -at all - walk away -there is nothing healthy about what he had you do or what you did.

No because you have no way of knowing if she's applied to work in law enforcement here or anywhere else.

Well - no - no medication is going to change your attraction to her or how your eyes look unless it's a medication where you're asleep. If she is pushed away by sensing you are attracted to her then your answer is she is not the right person for you. Is your priority intercourse or is it being close to your girlfriend, feeling attraction and showing it other than through intercourse for now? You're wildly speculating and again your assuming you need medication is terribly concerning and doesn't make much sense as far as what a healthy relationship looks like. Also if you are staring at her body parts that might make her uncomfortable especially if she is trying to have a conversation with her. Do you actually like this person as a person? Do you have a lot in common? Do you have fun talking to her and hanging out with her? If you're constantly staring at her in a sexually hungry way that will make most partners uncomfortable because it's too much and feels objectifying after awhile. You can sexually desire a person and not stare at them in a sexually provocative way.

I think it's fine to tell her you're not comfortable with a one on one meeting because even though you're not concerned that your ex's inaccurate um information will affect your fiancee who needs to stir the pot. Can you arrange a group meeting?

Something is very very wrong here -with you- if you feel that in order to be with your girlfriend and abstain from intercourse you'd have to take hormonal medication? How about just the basic - when I desire to have sex with her I -will choose not to have intercourse. You are a human. You'll be fine not having intercourse with your girlfriend even if you feel desire to have intercourse. I'm sure from a young age you've learned how to manage appropriate reactions to feelings and desires that could not be fulfilled at that moment. Without meds.

Ask her if anything is going on with her or between you two that she is feeling upset or uncomfortable about. Ask her in a curious way, not with any sort of pushiness. Then be quiet.

Yes all of this -have zero contact with this person and don't let it stop you from attending.

This is one individual who acted like a total jerk and I'm glad you found out sooner rather than later.

I'd move on too. It's not because he is "losing feelings" -he made a choice not to maintain the connection from a distance - he should be honest about that -LD is not for everyone (my husband and I made it work and I always had the desire to connect with him by phone, to make plans to see each other etc and when I committed to him I knew we'd be long distance for awhile and on and off and when I committed I committed to maintaining and growing our connection and relationship. If I realized it wasn't for me I'd have ended it. No one can control how they feel but they can control the reactions - find someone who is fine with how feelings change, ebb, flow and up for maintaining and growing their connection to you even when it's in an ebb stage because you and the relationship and the future are more than worth it. I'm sorry you're disappointed and please don't try to convince him to stay or chalk it off to "overthinking".

If you weren't serious and you were so unsure why go to the lengths of eavesdropping? My sense is he deliberately dates women from out of town so he can lead his double life. Also they might be common law married since he is living there. I like how Andrina put it.

Have you ever been to his home? Have you been to events involving him and his child? Do you meet up with his parents and friends? Why did it matter that she had feelings for him and how do you know when those feelings arose? Perhaps she chose not to act on them or even tell him? You feel what you feel. You chose to get involved where you really couldn't be fully involved in his life (but that's also why I asked how involved you were with his family which will provide some of the information I think is needed here IMO).

I have no interest in being right. I didn't quote your post and for sure it inspired mine. Both are true -I didn't quote because my sharing wasn't meant to be in conflict with your sharing or to debate or argue and I know you meant the same by referring to mine. The OP most often does not choose to have an open mind either when she posts or apparently in the situations she describes. We all have a level of bias, of perspective, we all bring our baggage and it depends on the extent, the extreme to which we choose to let it effect us and many can choose to notice the bias and firmly choose to put it the heck aside to show up for a friend. I recently made an extremely "what! no mom would do that!" choice (nothing remotely harmful to our son -maybe even a really positive thing for him!)- and it was interesting the attitudes - those who know me and wanted to be supportive responded based on me -not based on what a "good mom" would do - or asked questions -curious not furious - and those with stereotypical notions of Mom and Shoulds responded with the whole slippery slope stuff. As it turned out -wow -just what the doctor ordered for me and I'll know in the next day or so whether our son truly was more than fine -he seems so! If the OP had been my friend -I know most likely I'd have lied to her - if at all possible - because I'd have felt too vulnerable about telling her my choice and that I had done something "most moms" would not do. So she would be a friend i had stricter boundaries with - and I bet her vibe and attitude erodes the closeness with her friends in similar ways. She probably has no idea what really goes on with a number of her friends as the risk of sharing isn't worth the -um- vibe.