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Batya33

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Batya33 last won the day on March 17

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  1. Yes!! Also don't do what I did - I had a Hot Neighbor who moved in across the hall - his mom helped him-saw me taking out my garbage and zeroed in on me. Yup I was her future DIL LOLL. She introduced herself, introduced me to her son, etc. I was single at the time. He was an investment banker a few years younger than me. (I was early 30s maybe) We would chat, I was a bit flirty and I wasn't feeling like he was into me but then I made it worse - I was shopping at the grocery store that was actually part of the apartment complex and the only cart available was the one kids can ride in for fun. So he happens to be there- stares and asks me if I have a kid lol (or was like baby obsessed and chose the cart on purpose). Just kidding as far as ruining it but I could tell he wasn't that into me. Couple months later saw him with a hot blonde lady - in her 20s -and a few months later he mentioned in a friendly way that they were serious. I was NOTHING like her -nice seeming person but like night and day. But it was fun flirting before he met her!
  2. Who ever said you're looking for perfection? 'm 57, married mom of a 15 year old boy. I got my grad degree at 28 and had a very intense, successful career for the next 15 years after a good first shorter career that was far less lucrative. I'd been an ambitious, smart, spunky go getter since my very early teens and had plenty of boyfriends. Here's how you manage the "harder" part because it can be. One - move to a city teeming with young single professionals (if you don't meet your man in grad school). I did - 9 miles from my parents home - high rent dsitrict where I could walk to work/get there fast by public transit. Two - have "some" balance where you have friends/activities outside of work. Three -leave your professional hat at the office. No do not play dumb or be self-deprecating but if you want a man who has um "masculine" traits yes let him lead in certain ways-yes if you're a wheeler dealer spunky gal like I was (am?) -soften your personal and romantic approach. Not in a fake way! Consider who you are and who you want to be socially and as a close friend and potential serious romantic partner. If you can't shed the professional hat -that's fine -you do you -and yes that level of intensity might be a bit off putting on a personal level. Four -find men you respect and admire. If you don't then in your situation in particular -total dealbreaker. This man is not your forever person IMO. He's young so he might change but I wouldn't personally wait around. I met my future husband 5 months after graduation. He'd gone for the same grad degree. We met on my 49th day of work which with those hours was more like my 100th and it was his first day of work. On our first lunch date 9 months later one of his first questions was why I chose our career. Because ambition and passion for work mattered to him and he also was traditional and wanted to marry a woman who wanted to be home full time after maternity leave ended for at least a while. In me he got the package. I've known him this many years and I respect and admire the heck out of him and he tolerates my desire to work hard still even though I don't have to and if he wasn't ambitious and smart too -I bet he just wouldn't get it. Find someone who gets it and you. Good luck. Not about perfection at all. Edited to add -move on from any man who sees your accomplishments as just a piece of paper -that will be incompatible on a practical level too.
  3. For encouragement and sorry if a repeat. Almost 20 years ago my friend, a year or so out from a broken engagement (they'd met on Match but coincidentally he and I had mutual friends and I wasn't so sure of him but that's tangential). On a rainy valentines night she went to her high rise's laundry room to do laundry. And there he was - a foreigner who'd moved to NYC a few years ago- and he was just around her age and I believe sent by his roommate-sibling to do laundry. She'd been doing the online things, singles stuff -but that night was for the love of laundry. He was/is handsome, great guy -she's a great person and so pretty. They've been married about 18 years now -two kids, happy.
  4. Oh I don't think so -if someone is kind, thoughtful, a good listener, a good friend then sure some people are better at banter/flirting than others but if you come across as approachable and genuine - as they say kettle for every pot. Also people who are motivated to date in a positive way will be motivated to improve their social skills as needed.
  5. Kim - are there common areas in your apartment building or complex where people hang out - is there an outdoor space like a backyard sort of? Any places where you could run into him? Are there stores right nearby where your neighbors go? Obviously you'd never stalk just wondering if there are additional opportunities to run into him.
  6. I think it's harder to ask someone out who you then have to see constantly.
  7. Yes including people who settle for "situationships" to be cool and not admit to themselves they want a proper date. It's self honesty that is needed -I'm sure situationships and spending time crafting euphemisms about "benefits" works for some 😉
  8. But she said she had a great time with the LD guy in person at their lunches, etc.
  9. Yes and in particular women who regret having casual sex painting all men as "players" or having used them.
  10. When I interacted with someone who wasn't ready to meet I was no longer ready to invest my time in typing and talking. I suggest you do the same.
  11. I think financial factors were extremely significant when my friends started getting married in the late 80s/early 90s. My wedding was very inexpensive. The wedding reception is the party not the ceremony. Also Ellis Island in my family. My parents were married for 62 years and my grandparents for over 50 - until death. I know of many divorces in all generations. My sister is divorced and she married in her early 20s. My niece is in her late 20s, mom of 3 boys, married almost 10 years. Happy! Marriage and divorce are complex. So is dating and not just now. I love being married and I think the institution of marriage is wonderful and other than in green card marriages not just a piece of paper. I don't think marriage is for everyone -it's complex!
  12. I'd be interested to know if the study included the ages of the people marrying. If it did and I missed it, sorry! My parents had zero $ when they married - mom a recent college grad and dad a recent med school grad. They made it work.
  13. LOL some is personal. It depended -usually I don't know 5 or 6 -really depended on the individual person. We did not have intercourse for a number of reasons -sometimes it was everything but especially when I was still a virgin - I waited till age 24- what is "sexual " varies among people. I got serious with men who had similar values to me including that sex is part of being in love and committed only. And separately when I was around 20 the AIDS epidemic started spreading past the gay community so many were far more careful because of that. Plus I knew early on abortion likely wouldn't be for me so abstaining was a good way to avoid that potentially horrible choice. My personal values. When I was 42 and got married I'd had very few partners relatively speaking and for sure I made out with/hooked up with -many more than that -I started dating in 1979 or so. I don't judge when single consenting adults have intercourse as strangers, first date, 10th date, committed, not committed -whatever! For the OP it sounds like she's a healthy sexual person who prefers to wait. You sound fine with that. She sounds like a good and thoughtful and fun person!!
  14. I loved doing sleepovers and being romantic and sexual and passionate after we'd gone out a number of times. And we waited to have intercourse often for months. No teasing or leading on either -it was great and worth the wait so that it was once we were in love, committed and with strong potential for marriage. The one time I made an exception I regretted it and still do.
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