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undertheivy

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  1. Again, I remember now why I don’t like coming here for advice. I’ve literally said twice now that I’m NOT going to contact her therapist… Is there a way for me to delete this post? I’ve tried and can’t figure it out.
  2. I’ve literally already said I wasn’t going to contact her therapist…
  3. Unfortunately with us living on opposite sides of the country the only time we talk is when something “big” is going on with her or when she’s struggling with something. I don’t mean for that to sound as bad as it does - we do text each other throughout the week little cute and funny things, interact on social media, etc. But, when we’re actually having a full conversation on the phone, there’s a lot going on in her life and she discusses that/those kinds of topics. We rarely have “small talk”.. very very rare. Thank you for being understanding, I appreciate it. I’ve received some good advice here.
  4. This is exactly what I was looking for, thank you for that. I had already thought that maybe I should approach it in a positive way. The whole reason I want her to get properly diagnosed is so that she can start living the life she so needs and deserves. Start coping with her stresses differently and in a healthy way. And most of all have an answer to why she feels the way she does and why life seems to be harder for her than other people she knows. I won’t contact her therapist.
  5. Here’s the thing.. when she’s in crisis mode (I don’t know how else to say that - having a dilemma, an episode, NOT doing well), it’s usually because she’s upset with someone else. Someone in her life (a friend, boyfriend, etc). And she’s always in full blown “defense” mode, every time. Anytime she’s going through this - aka a time where I should be honest with her and tell her I think she needs better therapy and coping skills - if I were to do that she would think I’m taking the side of these other people she’s upset with. I’ve seen her do this to other people countless times. Don’t get me wrong I do always try to reason with her and tell her “I don’t think this person meant it the way you’re taking it” or something like that for example. But if I were to tell her anything more than that, anything that alludes to her needing to make a change, it won’t be pretty. She is very firm on her emotions and she often is in victim mentality. If someone tells her otherwise she cuts them off. i don’t know, it’s really hard to explain all of this without typing too much but I hope it makes sense.
  6. I’m a little late replying as I’m just now kind of catching up with the ones I missed. I completely see where you’re coming from, I do. My original few paragraphs I wrote don’t even scrape the surface. My friend is in crisis mode every other week. It’s highly concerning, and the main reason it’s exhausting is that I’ve tried to reason with her many times but her mental illness has her convinced to think one way and one way only. She’s very black and white with her thinking. I could write a novel here explaining how she behaves and how her mind works, but trust me - it’s not healthy and she is struggling horribly. I know I’m not a therapist but I have never been more confident with anything else when I say I am 99.9 percent sure she has BPD. I am scared to tell her this because I know how her mind works - she will assume I look at her and think she’s “too much” “too sensitive” “over reacts to things” and the list goes on. These are already things that other friends have told her and when they do, she cuts them off like it’s nothing. I feel like we’ve gotten REAL deep here in these comments but my main reason for coming here was to say I know she has BPD and I’m scared of losing our friendship by telling her this. I just really wanted advice on how I could bring this up to her. I care about her so much and I hate to see her struggling so bad. I myself struggle with anxiety and I’m just so anxious about this situation. I don’t want to say the wrong thing to her. i don’t know, I guess I was hoping maybe someone else here who read this has BPD and could relate to my friend, or knows someone with it and could relate to this situation and how I could handle bringing it up to her.
  7. Unfortunately her family is part of the problem. Her mother is extremely toxic and has caused my friend a lot of trauma over the years. If I were to reach out to her mom with this information she would take that and run with it and use it against my friend. She has never been prescribed any medication, although at this point I truly feel medication would work wonders for her. There’s really no way for me to stop interacting with her, but I could set some boundaries. It’s just hard, this girl is like my sister. We are family. We grew up together and are extremely close. I just know how bad she is struggling with her mental health and I honestly feel like a different kind of therapy or some medication would really benefit her. Thank you, I know I need to worry more about myself sometimes and not stress so much about her.
  8. Thank you for this, it is very helpful. Unfortunately we live on opposite sides of the country right now, so it would be hard for me to show any interest in her therapist to her. I do wish I had more info on her therapist to find a way to contact her, I may try bringing it up. Unfortunately I think her therapist is a dud. She has been with her for years now. I’ve been wondering lately how in the world her therapist hasn’t diagnosed her with this. As far as I know my friend is very honest with her, but I could be wrong. As far as I know this therapist has never diagnosed her with anything at all. Thanks again for the reply, I may try to at least get the name of her therapist and see what I can do!
  9. For the last several years I have watched my best friend suffer and spiral deeper due to her mental health. I’ve always thought she was over reacting to lots of things. Like the most minuscule problem or even just things that are very common bumps in the road that everyone deals with are like a full blown crisis to her. It wasn’t until a few months ago that I was talking with someone else about it and they said it sounded like borderline personality disorder (BPD). I had never heard of it so I did some research (I’ve continued to research it as well), and it is my best friend to a T. It seems like she is never in a good place for me to suggest this to her, I want to tell her that I think it’s worth bringing it up to her therapist and get her opinion but it’s never a good time. Please understand my best friend is hanging by a thread almost 24/7, she’s paranoid constantly that nobody is who they say they are and that all of her friends don’t actually like her. She usually isn’t this way with me but recently she was, she does it every now and then. I’m scared that if I tell her she should look into it and talk to her therapist that she’ll look it up and see the symptoms and her mind will go to thinking that I think all of this stuff about her. She’ll twist it somehow. I already walk on eggshells around her because she is so fragile. To be honest this has been very exhausting for me. Our friendship is exhausting. We have been best friends for over 20 years, we’re in our early 30’s now. I just want to see her be happy and enjoying life and be able to handle stress and conflict in a healthy way. I would love any and all suggestions for how to bring this up to her (BPD) without hurting her feelings or her thinking I’m the bad guy. I really am worried this is what she will do.
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