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Phoenix69

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About Phoenix69

  • Birthday 11/28/1983

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  1. I myslef am a solid believer in NC, although I did not start NC to "get him back", it did make him wonder what I was doing... And although it is for healing, sometimes if your relationship is really worth trying for, it does get you back together too.
  2. She needs the counselling, not you. She is anti-depressants and should be going to sessions on her own anyway! My BF has bi-polar and doesn't go, I have been encouraging him to go back to counselling because we have a VERY co-dependant relationship. I myself am starting to think that I need the counselling too. When you are in unhappy relationships with a depressed person, you start to have the effects yourself. Good luck!
  3. I completely sympathise with everyone on this topic. I myself am in a co-dependant relationship and am finding things very difficult. S and I have been together for just over two years now, and we have broken up three times in that time. Everytime has been him coming back and saying he made a mistake and because I love him so much (and having a tendency to want to "fix" people) and don't want to be without him I have let him come back, without any effort on his part, except saying he was sorry and wanted to be with me. I have just been reading up on th co-dependecy sites suggested by whatchamacallit. Its pretty scary when you can relate perfectly with everything those sites say. But is it possible to "fix" these issues without leaving your current co-dependant relationship? Would couples counselling work?
  4. definitely! Not only will you feel better, but he will feel really bad for being such a pratt.
  5. If you break up with her, that would be a pretty harsh punishment!
  6. I get babe, baby, or if we are in the playful mood, monkey (I call him monkey
  7. Know exactly what that is like. My BF suffers from bi-polar. We have broken up twice in the last two years and every time I have gone back knowing that he says things he doesn't mean when he is "down". HOWEVER, if the relationship is making you miserable (I was in that position, and was starting to suffer from depression myself because of it) then you need to either leave, or at least initiate NC for a while. When I did this whilst S and I were in the "limbo" stage (you know, where you still act like you're together, but you're not) I lost the plot completely. Told him I was going to remove myslef from the stress for a while, and when he decided what he wanted from me (to be together or not) then to call me. Just two days later he made his decision. We are moving in together next year. Just thought a little bit of insight to someone else's problems might help you to figure out a way to deal with yours. PM me if you want to chat further ***HUGS***
  8. You will get through this, especially as you have pressed charges. I was number 7 in a serial rapists little adventure. The only reason he was stopped was me going to the cops and reporting the incident. It was tough, I had to go to court and testify against him. Plus deal with all the crap that comes with being raped. It has been 4 years since the incident. And my current BF is still the only guy I have been with since. I sympathise with you completely and although it doesn't seem like it now, these fears and worries do dwindle with time. Not neceesarily leave you all together, but it does get better...
  9. When I was heavier, I thought that I had to compensate for my lack in the attractive looks department with an attractive personality. Now that I am a hell of a lot lighter, I feel I have lost my personality too. It really sux...
  10. Believe me, I know exactly where you are coming from. My bf and I are back together for the third time. You MUST MUST MUST adress the issues that caused the break up in the first place. ESPECIALLY if the cause were based on issues of trust, infedility, and other such emotions. If there is pent up anger, you MUST MUST MUST deal with these issues before you start a new relationship. Remember, this isn't just picking up where you left off, it IS a NEW relationship and you must treat it as so...
  11. The thought of it being an "outside" issue, never even occurred to me... My Bf and I do all of the above, just adjust. eg, the foot and/or leg out of the blanket, or holding hands or just touching even a little bit. I wouldn't think it was something to do with something else. Maybe she just gets uncomfortable when she is too hot?
  12. I have the same problem. Unfortunately there isn't much you can do about it. In Winter, we are great people to have in the bed, but in the warmer months, it becomes a little harder. The only thing I have found that works even a little bit is having your feet and/or legs out of the blankets. Because we loose most of our body heat through either our feet or our head, it makes a little bit of difference. I love cuddling up to my BF, but I do know that I tend to heat up quicker in bed than he does. He calls me his little portable heater. As I say, try cuddling up to her, but keep your feet out of the blankets. It helps me a bit, so hopefully it wokrs for you too. Good Luck! Keep us posted!
  13. Thats the thing, I do. I don't think I could ever stop giving to this guy. I know that both times he has broken up with me he has been in a bad place himself (he suffers from bi-polar disorder). I would happily spend the rest of my life with him. Its just the uncertainty that bothers me. I have know S for many more years than I have known these people and so my instincts tell me to listen to S and not to the people who are obviously manipulative and decieptful. God, I just wish I could snap my fingers and make everything all good...
  14. Hi Everybody! Most will know my story, my BF and I have been together for two years. We have broken up twice now and this is the third time I have gone back to him, after he dumped me. We have a very large history and have been thru two miscarriges with this guy. It has been a complete emotional rollercoaster. But thru it all I have always stayed true. This past weekend has been such an eye opener to the evils of some people. S and I had become good friends with some people from another part of new zealand. They ended up moving up here and we have all been good friends. K & J are a couple who live together and have a baby. B is single and is an ok guy, fun to be around and makes me laugh ALOT. S and I split around four weeks ago and B decided that this was his chance. I had found out that he had feelings for me. On the friday (as S and I have still been seeing each other) I had a bit of a breakdown and told S that I was going to be away from him for a while, until he decides what exactly it is he wants from me. I couldn't handle the uncertainty of it all anymore. Being with him, but not with him was completely driving me mad! I left S's house very upset and thought that that mite be the last time I saw or spoke to him. S doesn't talk about his feelings and so I have never known what I meant to him, if anything at all. So on the saturday I went around to J&K's house to have a coffee with K (The female). B is staying with them. B and I went for a drive to get some beers for a BBQ. The whole time he was telling me what a great girl I was and how S didn't deserve m,e and I needed to find someone better. He then put a new stereo in my car. There is this other girl C has been interested in S. He stupidly invited her to a party with him on the Sat nite. (innocently from his end, but not so much from hers) B told me that this had happened. I was so distraught. I TOTALLY thought he was going to get drunk and cheat on me. B and J and K had been feeding me lies about this girl all day, so I was really paranoid. I phoned B at around 10pm and he was with C and S at a party. He told me that S was hooking up with this chick. I of course was gutted! To cut a long story short, I spoke to a friend of mine that was at the party, who had nothing to do with the others and found out that S didn't do anything wrong. It was purely B manipulating the situation so I wouldn't ever want to see S again, and he was free to take S's place in my life. S came over at around 4am and professed undying love, and apologised for being such a jerk and not appreciating me and not realising how much his indecisiciveness was hurting me. He asked me to move back in with him in january next year. I want to be with S more than anything else in the world and I really do want to believe him when he says he wants me to be in his life with him. What I am upset about is that everyone around me says that he will not change and he will turn around in six months time when the whole B situation has died down and say he is not in love with me anymore and we need to break up. I am scared that this is a classic case of "I don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to have you". Meaning because someone else had shown an interest, he got jealous and knew he could get me back if he wanted and wants to rub B's nose in the fact that he can't have me. Has anyone else had a similar situation where it has turned out for the good? Or am I just fooling myself into thinking that this could be a good thing?
  15. Yep, both times we have broken up (in two years) I have always gone stright into NC. Both times he has come crawling back. The first time it took two weeks, the last time, he was back within a week. It does make them come back, but whether you actually want them back is another story. Remember, its called a break up, because its broken. I can't talk, I have taken my BF back twice now. And I am still struggling with issues and problems that we still haven't fixed. Beware, Getting back together is not all it cracks itself up to be!
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