hopeforthebest

hello, i would appreciate any advice on this. I went out with my boyfriend for nearly three years, we broke up about 3 1/2 months ago-- here's my story. we were happily together for 2 years when he graduated from college (i'm a year younger than him). almost immediately he was relocated for boot-camp training and was accross the country for nearly 7 months. during this time he wasn't allowed to have visitors - so we saw each other only like maybe 5 days during this entire time. we talked nearly everyday during this time. early on during his time down there he would "shut down" as he would say because he wasnt sure he really wanted to do this job and that he was so closed off from everything he loved. basically it was hard on him leaving everything and everyone and never really having time to adjust from graduation. summer passed and i went back to college, i missed him terribly and was having to make my own decisions about graduate school, the future, ect. we had always spoken about a possible future together but as decision time came he said he didn't want me sacrificing what i wanted to achieve for him, and i also didn't want to affect his career goals. as time passed and we were kept to limited contact and all he began to become somewhat distant. i was friendly with his family and they told me he was the same with them-- which was odd to them as well as he was very family oriented. so finally his time away ends and he comes home. i'm still in school for another 3 months, so it is still long distance-- but only about 6 hours away now. he came to visit me on his drive back and i could tell he was happy to be back and i could tell he was still in love with me, but had a sadness to him once we would go out like we used to at school. so then he went back to his home after his visit and started working. his job is very intensive timewise and not what he had anticipated it to be. 1 month after coming back home, i went home for spring break and he told me he needed a break. since i knew he had been under alot of stress and i had felt him pulling away, we talked about it and i agreed to it. i still felt there was alot of love between us. his words to me were-- "I can see myself happily married to you, but maybe now isn't the time for us." He said he needed to be alone and figure out "where his life was going" we agreed it would be harder for us to talk during this time because we would just revert back to how we were. so much to my surprise it is now 3 1/2 months later and i have heard nothing from him. i sent him one email to say that i knew we were young and both needed growing up time but didn't know if it was better to not talk at all or to keep in touch-- he never responded. i'm so confused because we had a great relationship and i really felt like he still loved me but we were just too young to be that committed. i haven't contacted him otherwise because i truly believed that he loved me and that he would find his way back to me and i was busy with job hunting and figuring out what i was going to do. but now i'm so very sad and confused because i can't understand how so much time could go by and him not even want to be friends with me. nothing sour happened between us and we had always been the best of friends. what could be going on? i don't know if he's upset that he hurt me and feels guilty.. if he's just not ready for a such a serious commitment but can't talk to me or if its just over and i'm blind-- i can't understand how he could just completely fall out of love with me without even being with me... or how even if he didn't want to be together with me again, how he wouldn't even contact me to tell me or to ask to be friends? i'm so thoroughly confused-- can anyone help? should i contact him just for answers/closure? i dont' know how to get over him, we were so happy together- i don't even have any negative things to think about him or our relationship. we were just so happy before he left, i don't understand how he could not want that anymore...

why did you break up with your girlfriend? you may have hurt her quite a bit in breaking up with her. i would just take it slow with her and let her know you are sorry, tell her why you broke up. she is probably weary that you will break up with her again and will need reassurance and time to get over her hurt and possible anger at you for giving up on your relationship the first time around. I would just be honest with her about your feelings and just take it as it goes-- don't get overwhelmed by it all, just do what feels right for the two of you. hope that helps!

She was probably hurt that you broke it off with her. Why did you need space? What did you tell her when you broke it off? If you left her sad and confused for 4 months she probably put up a wall. I think you both need to regain trust in each other. I wouldn't push contact, but I would initiate a discussion about what transpired, what feelings you had, why you felt you needed to take a break from her, and what you discovered during that break. She is no doubt worried about being hurt again. After hearing your side of the story, ask her how your actions made her feel. If you two can first establish trust again over time you might be able to put the pieces back together.

i would like any opinion because i just don't know what to think... My boyfriend and I dated for two years and were extremely happy together, he is a year older than I am and just graduated from college last year. We were used to seeing each other everyday and talked probably everyday the whole time we went out, we just loved being together. Following his graduation he was relocated for six months for job training. This period was very hard on the both of us, he preferred to keep our conversations short and b/c of the job we only were able to see each other maybe 4 times for this entire six months. He just returned home, but we are still long distance because I am still in school and he is back at his home which is fairly close to my home. We have stayed together this whole time but it has been hard, he has kept his distance, and things were good did not return to being as it was- I attributed this to stress on both of our parts-- his training experience then being in his new job.. mine to school stress and figuring out what I would be doing after graduation. Just recently we decided to take a break, I wanted to work things through together, he wants some alone time to "figure out where his life is going." We have had a very healthy, loving relationship and have both said we could see being happily married to each other one day (neither one of us wants to marry before we find jobs, grow up some, settle, ect) We just fit so well together. What do I do during this break? Does alone time mean he wants to see other people? Is there hope for us in the future? Is this just growing pains? I'm so confused I want to have faith in us, but I hate the idea of breaking up and getting back together--t o me it seems that that is an easy way out and I don't want to always be "an out" for anytime we are stressed if we get back together... i guess i just want to know of any advice or to know if this is normal growing up stuff that we can work through after some time. Thank you for any help