MyLifeMyChoice

It's been 5 months since we broke up. Almost a week since we spoke the last time. Every weekend, I feel it coming - it's when I miss you. And miss the way things were. I was so used to you coming home to me, me, kissing you as you walk in the door, hugging you...asking you how your day went, even though we had been texting the whole day. My life is up in the air right now, and I wish I still had you. To talk about how my interview went. Or just random things. I miss you so much.

Why can't the good memories die? I'm trying to move on, signed up for an online dating account, have a lot of matches, and yet I can't seem to get over what we used to have that made me so incredibly happy. Friday night, you watching videos, me doing homework. We sometimes watch movies at home, too, and we were sooooo happy. But you don't want all of that anymore. You're enjoy doing whatever you want, whenever you want. You want freedom. And it makes me sad. I don't know if I can ever love again. I don't know if anyone can love me again. I really just want you back.

Hi, Beez: I miss you so much. All this time made me realize how much I really love you. And what I did wrong. I want to work it out. I don't want to be this confrontational person. I just want you back. Your Beez

It's been 7 days since we talked. It seems longer than that. I miss you so much. I just want to hear your voice and see your face and just tell me that you want to work this out. It just hurts because I don't want to be with anyone else, and you said you didn't care for anyone else either. It's not like cheating was involved. If you could just call me. I'd be so happy. Or if this longing for you would just go away. This hurts so bad.

Day 5 of NC. First weekend where we're not speaking to each other. I had a weak moment at the gym today. Friday is usually our day. We would either go out or just stay in. Either way, we still had fun. No matter what we did, we always had fun. I miss you so much, it hurts. I just want this longing to go away. I just want to stop thinking that you'll contact me. I just want to stop thinking about you. I want to move on with my life!!

Day 4 of NC. No sign of him. Every time I wake up, I check how I'm feeling...if I'm missing him or if I'm sad. I woke up today feeling ok. But there isn't a minute that I'm not thinking about him or hoping he sends me a text message. I just want him back. I just want him to tell me he's willing to work on this relationship. All I need to hear from him is that he's changed his mind and that he wants me and he wants us to be together. My commitment to him has not changed...I can't take this longing anymore.

Gah, it's been a long day! We usually go to bed around this time. I miss cuddling with you before we go to sleep. I miss playing with your ear or squeezing your arms while were lying in bed. Life was so amazing then...how could you not fight for that? Day 3 is almost over. I wish this pain and longing were almost over, too.

This song you liked so much keeps playing in my head. It's day 3 of NC and I miss you. I'm trying to rationalize that you and I are so not right for each other, but I still...I miss you. I miss how much fun we had together, in our little studio. Just being at home with you and hanging out, being silly. Or when you always messed up my eggs for breakfast. 1.5 years of being together. But all that seems so long ago even though it's only been 2 weeks. Do you even think about me? Do you even miss me?

Day 3 of NC. I keep thinking in my head that it's all over. Yet I still keep checking my phone to see if you've texted. There's no way I can text you since I deleted your number. And I don't have the desire to. I figured that if you really wanted to make this work, you'd contact me. But you haven't. And so each day that I don't hear from you confirms that you don't want this. And you don't deserve me and the love and commitment I have to give. I miss you and I miss us. But as the song goes, I can't make you love me if you don't. It's fine. I'll get over you. I can't wait for that day. Just hope it won't be too late for you.

Day 2 of NC is almost over. I woke up feeling okay, feeling angry that he decided not to fight for our relationship even though I was willing and committed 110%. Then, as I was doing laundry, I noticed that his work shirt was mixed in with mine. And I just lost it. Cried. Hugged the shirt. I could still smell his scent on it. I didn't wash it. I miss him so much, but I know he probably won't contact me, asking me to come back and make this work.

Yes, it does happen. It happened to two of my sisters. Sister #1: Dated her first bf ever and broke up with him after 4 years of dating. She wanted to see what else was out there. 3 months later, they got back together. They've now been together for 12 years, married for 2. Sister #2: Same reason for breakup. He was her 3rd bf and they were in high school when they got together. My sister was his first gf. They were together for 3 years when she broke up with him. He pleaded, begged, and his mom even visited my sister at work to let her know how much he was suffering because of the breakup. My sister agreed to friendship at first, and then eventually they got back together. They've been together 11 years now, married for 5. If I can point to one correlation, it's the length of time they were together prior to the first breakup. Both cases, they were together for more than 2 years before the big breakup. Neither of the cases involved cheating or any unhealthy and toxic circumstances.

Day 2 of no contact. I woke up today feeling angry at you, which then quickly turned into despair. How could you give up on us like that? How could you give up on me? Didn't you know...I'm fabulous! At the first sign of hardship, you bail...like you always do on everything else in life. You've given up on your dream of working in your dream industry because it's too hard. You claim you work hard to increase your skills, but you really don't. I lived with you for a year, and leisure is more your top priority than grinding away to get to what you want. And unfortunately, you are the same with love. It's too hard, therefore, you give up. You can't do it. You only want what's easy and convenient. Meanwhile, here I am, who has given this relationship a 110%. I was committed to making it work. I was willing to stick with you, thinking that as long as we both love and care for each other, there's no problem we cannot solve together. I'm such a fool for thinking you're the same. You don't deserve my love. You don't deserve me. I don't quit, you quitter. And I cannot wait for the day when I've finally met someone who will love me and commit with me 110%. And by the time you realize what you gave up, it'll be too late.

I don't even know what to say. I'm just so incredibly sad. I'm sad because even though you told me you cared, I know you won't bother to reach out. Because I always have. And I feel like a fool every time I do. I'm praying for more power that I can resist texting you. I was always the one who texted first every time we got into an argument. I just want you to realize what you're missing...what you took for granted. I'm a human being who couldn't stop loving you, and yet you don't want that...you've taken me for granted. And I hate you for it.