Thani

Maybe it's still too early for me to write in here, but this thread helped me through my darkest hours a few months ago and so I want to give back a glimmer of hope to those of you who are still hurting so SO much... Especially those who experience the same kind of pain as I did... Being cheated on, hearing that your beloved fell in love with another person. My ex-fiancee of 8 years who I always loved dearly left me in February for another woman - or rather, he admitted that he fell in love with her and so the story continued. He never really did LEAVE me, but I accepted it, his choice and let him go. What could I do? Now, 5 months later we slowly try to rekindle our relationship, which was once so wonderful. He ended his affair because he realized that I'm the one who he wants to grow old with. We're trying to take it slow... we talked a lot and try to heal our hurt hearts. We were NEVER in NC. We tried, but we couldn't make it. None of us could, it always felt wrong. He lives in his own appartement now and both of us did a lot of internal growth and maturing during the last few months. We both were quite young when we got together and I think the old relationship would have failed anyway - one day. I hated the whole process but I thank the universe for the experience. It made me so much stronger, indiependent and I learned to live on my own - and both of us got to know each other on a deeper, darker level. We both really hope that it works out - we still have a lot to go through... I need to trust him again and he needs to get over his shame and regret. But even if it doesn't work out in the end - at least we tried

I know I told you not to contact me for the time being... that I need space and time to heal. I feel like the dumper now when all I want is to have you back in my life - for real. But you don't want to or rather you cannot right now. I really hope that you can resolve your problems, find peace within yourself and defeat all your demons. I know our relationship was great and I know that you know it too. We met at a young age - we loved and lived the "we" but we didn't grow as individuals. Maybe this is the point in our life when we lose each other - maybe forever or maybe for a few months. I don't know. I love you and I miss you in my life. You will always be a big part of my soul. I would have gone through hell for you.

Day 5: God, he's annoying. Writing me pointless stuff, telling me that he's feeling "asexual" after all this stuff happened... really? What does he think? I really start to feel like the dumper and not the dumpee. This starts to get really annoying. Just leave me alone if you don't want me anymore.

Day 4: Getting my first "is something wrong?" message. Feeling good today. Had a bit of a difficult afternoon but I'm ok now. It was a busy weekend, I really feel better around other people

Day 3. You texted me this morning that you're feeling better and working on your happiness. That's good for you. Luckily, I didn't answer. I don't trust your positive texts anymore. I had a great day with a male friend but it also showed me that it's still way too early for me to date. I know that he would want me if I would let him but no...I just felt scared that he would make a move. Oh dear, I may be a lost cause forever ;D

Day 1, again. After he "broke up" with his affair for the 3rd time or so (they never got back together, but they have had "the talk" about three times with longer periods of NC) and is ONCE AGAIN in the mourning phase I can't take it any more. If he wants to come back one day he has to grow and mature. I won't take him back right now. Always hot and cold, always "I want you in my life but I have to get over her first". Honesty is good, that's what I always wanted, but I need to distance myself here. I wont waste my life any longer for a man who is so immature and overly emotional. --- I don't think that a complete NC is possible for the next month since he's found a new appartement and we have to talk about some furniture-stuff and so on. But I'll try to keep it brief.

I feel so much better since we don't write anymore. 3 days straight with almost no negative feelings. I almost forgot. Stay away from me for now... Maybe when I'm whole again we can talk.

Day... 3...felt fine until now.... I'm a little bit depressed right now, but it's more my fear that he will forget me as soon as possible. This is not true, I know it, but still... But it's not that bad, actually.

Day 2: Not feeling bad this morning, I hope I'll manage. Thankfully I'm quite busy today and it helps because I know it's hard for him too... I'm actually quite motivated today to get my life back on track again. I'm flying to London this weekend with a friend, but after that it's time for a MASTERPLAN, haha

Back to Day 1. Ah I can't believe it, but I guess it has to be...

I miss you. I miss the old you, the old relationship, US. All those years, all the memories. They're killing me. I can't live without it. Why can't you just let her go and come back to me? I really really loved you...

Back to day 1. Yesterday he worte me a long emotional e-mail. Well I did respond, not because it moved me (well it did, but I didn't answer him from my heart but from my head), more because I had to correct some things. But I did answer. Blah.

Aaand...back to day one, I guess. He couldn't even resist for 24 hours. He wrote me this morning because he wanted to meet this afternoon and talk about something to "ease" my pain. I should have ignored him, but wrote him back. Only declining his "offer" and wishing him a good drive. I'm proud that I could resist the meeting, but still... Day 1 again

Day 1 of NC. I hope I can make this. After 3 months of "i can't choose between you and her" and "I would love a life with you, but my heart is taken at the moment" I can't do this anymore. I know that we have to organize some stuff during the next few weeks (apartement, car), but I hope we can keep this as short as possible. I hope I stay strong!

Can you PLEASE explain to me why you did activate your Facebook Account once again (after 3 months!) including all our old "couple pictures" and our old relationship status (engaged)?? For the love of God, please change this if you don't want me back! It was YOUR choice to leave me, your coice to kill our beautiful relationship! And why would you write such crytpic and strange messages? Just leave me alone until you're "normal" again. I don't know if I would ever take you back, but not like this... you're killing me, really!