OK, so I [25] met this girl [22] three months ago and the spark was there instantly. I invited her for a date afterwards and it was a great summer, we clicked and could talk about anything. I could see that she’s head over heels into me. First, I was very attentive but after some time I started to have these moments on our dates when I just fell silent (I was still processing my family loss, I guess, I am better now) and she noticed this. At the end of August, she started studying (she’s a nurse and worked at hospital where my grandpa died in August, she knew him) so school and work both got into way. She had less time and we didn’t see each other for almost two weeks. This is where I ***ed up royally. I got drunk one night (couldn’t bear memories of grandpa) and kinda blamed her for not wanting to see me over text (she was on the night shift…) and that she has time for her friends (some of them male which I ofc didn’t forget to mention..) and not me. I must mention that after grandpa’s death I was under and I saw everything negatively and was paranoid, but that’s no excuse for this *** I pulled ofc.
She said that I should have say something earlier about me wanting to see her and that she’s seriously disappointed, didn’t expect this *** from me. She also mentioned that she noticed me being distrait and “not there” sometimes on our dates and that she doesn’t even know if I want her. Next morning I explained and apologized profusely. Man, I know it was short term relationship but I can’t stop blaming myself, because I am not like this, I get that she had important things to do, I would never do that again, especially now when I kinda processed my family loss and doing better. We sporadically made contact since then, sometimes it was her, sometimes me, she said she needed time to process this and that she was disappointed by what happened. Our last conversation a week ago was me asking her if she wants to talk in person. She replied yes, I asked when, she texted wait a minute and didn’t get back to me at all. I texted next day if she’s ok and she just texted “Yes 😂”.
Sorry, this post is a mess, I just poured all my thoughts here. I know I ***ed up badly and created this image of me being needy and childish but I was just down mentally. Is there a chance to fix this? Why did she agree to meet, then kinda ghosted me when I specifically said in that text that I will respect if she doesn’t want to see me again.
I know, I know, there are millions of women in the world. But I want to know if there’s a chance here, maybe if I kinda disappear? And sorry, English is not my first language.
tl;dr: I acted needy and childish with a girl because I had issues and now I miss her so much. Is there a chance to fix this? I feel guilty every day.
