Starlight925

I meant that the post sounds like Spam. Like advertising.

They are prioritizing their children over their friendships. This is very true. And it's as it should be. Lives change, and we must adapt to those changes. These are the friends of your youth. They will probably move into the seldom-see category, but if you act with grace, they will be forever friends. Just not the close 3 Musketeers of your younger selves. As for being an Auntie, all that sounds so fun, until the baby comes, new mommy hasn't slept in weeks, baby is always hungry, dirty, crying, doctor visits...and the movie star version of 3 best friends being Auntie's to each other's children goes out the window. Gwyneth Paltrow isn't starring in this version. Give these friends the grace they deserve. And yes, if you want to be in a child's life, it's up to you to make the effort, not the worn out mom. I've watched dozens of women, including my family members, become moms, so I'll say this once: How DARE you judge the way they mother their children.

Are you advertising for one?

You don't need to tell him you lost interest, because he's already beaten you to it. He lost interest in you. He ogles other women, he does not care about your safety, he tells you he wants no commitment. That, my friend, is a man who has no interest.

Years ago, I broke up with my boyfriend after a trip back to his hometown because I told him he was never going to propose (I wanted him to), and we were DONE as far as I was concerned. He convinced me to stay with him, and a week later, he put together a beach picnic for us, where he proposed. I was like, oh no you don't buddy, not because I threatened to break up with you. He then gave me his grandmother's ring, which he said had been digging into his sock the entire trip home to his family. I know this is a different story from yours, but turns out, I was borrowing trouble. Don't borrow trouble.

As a good friend always says: "Don't borrow trouble". In other words, all this worry about a receipt you found, when nothing has happened with it. Maybe he bought it for a year from now? Maybe he hasn't proposed yet because he has the same feelings you do, that he wants to wait? Maybe he wants to propose tonight? We know none of these answers, so it's best to pretend you didn't just "come across it" (honestly, were you looking???).

I get why you're hurt. Mom moving to another country is a permanent move, and it's easy to take it as a move away from you, when I bet she has very personal reasons for wanting her own fresh start. Something I read about parenting really struck me: "While I was growing up, I didn't realize that my parents were growing up too." Have you had a heart-to-heart with your mom about this? About the way you feel? Not in an angry way, not in a "why are you leaving me" way, but about your feelings? She may not realize the depth of your feelings and your desire to keep her physically close.

The first season I watched was Trista & Ryan, so I've had these rose-colored glasses on ever since. Trista faced a ton of early internet snark during her season. She was a Miami Heat (basketball team) dancer, and all the buzz was that she was only doing this for fame. She kept saying that all she really wanted was to be a wife and a soccer mom. In the end, she chose the humblest of all guys, Firefighter Ryan, had 2 kids, and has stuck by him through his terrible illness of several years. So I keep waiting for that next magical season, but it's been so few & far between. I had high hopes for this one, him being a widower, this "great guy" who lost his great love. Turns out, he was a liar, a cheat, and simply not a nice guy.

At the heart of this, Alex, is an unhealthy relationship with your mother. This isn't about ingredients, or baking, or slaving. It's about your mother only dripping out affection to you as she sees fit, and because you can never get quite the amount of love, respect, or caring from her that you truly desire, it feels as though the attention she gives to this girlfriend is love that you are supposed to get. I get it, I promise. I had a very difficult relationship with my own mother, who couldn't be bothered to attend my college graduation. But when my sister barely graduated from high school (she had to check the day of graduation to make sure she was on the list), my mother scrambled us all, making us wait until the last minute, then driving like mad to support her as she graduated last in her class, only because the teachers were tired of her. The only way through this is, and I believe it's been said 10,000 times on your pages: Change the dynamic with your mother. Move her to the periphery of your life. Cut the time of your calls in half; cut the number of calls to half. The visits. Cut them all down to where it's maybe 20% of what it was, and don't even say anything to her about it. Just be "so so busy" that sorry mom, gotta go. I'm telling you, that's the only way I got through my life with my mom (now deceased). I got it down to one Sunday call per week, one hour. She'd go on and on, and at the 1 hour mark (yes, I checked the time), I'd have X, Y, or Z that I had to get to. Love you so much mom! Miss you so much!! Can't wait to see you at Thanksgiving! Bye for today!

There are actually 24 couples still together from The Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise. Re: Dating locally with better results? Two shows have tried and failed miserably: Love is Blind and Married At First Sight. Both of these shows are filmed in a certain city, so all people are from that city. Heck, on this recent season of Married At First Sight (Denver, CO), 4 of the 5 couples lived together for 8 weeks but never consummated. Regarding the 24 couples still together from The Bachelor franchise: It sounds good until you analyze it. 24 years....YEARS of this show, as the first one was 2000, and many offshoots of the franchise (Bachelor Pad, Bachelor in Paradise, people from one season getting together with someone from another).... So yeah, going on TV to meet your soulmate is a distant possibility.

The comment to his girlfriend about the weight has been repeated many times, and he has never disputed it. He is a broke janitor who put himself out as a “restaurateur”. Truth is, he owned a local fast food hamburger place, but went out of business and took odd jobs, which is where he met this woman. While he was married. She has texts to prove it all. Nothing wrong with being a maintenance person, it’s the lying. Teresa, his Golden Bachelor wife, has done very well and still works in finance. It’s long been theorized that her money was his reason for picking her. I believe she did fall in love, but it was only after the wedding that all the truths about him came out. He love bombed her and got her down the aisle lightning fast, before she had time to blink.

Color me surprised….not. When all of the truths about “good guy Gerry” started coming out, I gave this a short time. Gerry is a liar, a cheat, and just not a nice guy. He broke up with a woman just prior to the show, telling her she was too fat to attend his high school reunion, as she had gained 10 lbs. This was the woman he cheated on his wife before she passed, the same wife he cried over on the show to melt America’s hearts.

I always make separate batches of everything, including duplicate items, for my SIL, who is gluten free (celiac disease). I'll buy separate ingredients, use separate dishes, separate mixing spoons, separate plates, because I don't want her to have to miss out. Never once have I considered it "slaving". Nor have I cared if she ate it in front of me. Never even noticed. What I did notice is that she always thanks me. I've missed out on a lot of martyrdom. I'm starting today, seems like fun.

Agree completely with @catfeeder. Your sister will dig her heels in further, the more you speak up. She sees you as this person who sits on a high horse as a judge, even though that’s not your intention. Shift your focus to be her friend. Her equal. She’s an adult, so treat her as such, like a new friend. It’s so hard to watch those we love making horrible decisions, but sometimes we have to choose between being right or having them in our lives.

Backhanded comments like this are awful, especially when they come from someone you really like, and whom you’ve always reached out to and been a supporter of. My guess is, you are not the only one to whom she does this, even though it seems like it is. Because for people like this, it makes them feel better to do these small put-downs to people who will not speak back to them, such as yourself. I am sorry that you have to deal with this, although I agree with all the other advice here to step back and distance yourself from her. If you are so inclined, continue to send small gifts to her child for birthdays and holidays, as it is not the child’s fault. I had to do this with my own sister, where we didn’t speak for almost a year, but I continue to reach out to her children as they had nothing to do with their mother’s insensitivities.