gdemetrios

My apologies for my comments Many men in my age bracket have experienced similar situations. Certain male pundits online have always said single mothers should be avoided like the plague. I’m just looking for answers for what went wrong. I see as this. I was the good guy and she was the evil girl. That has to be the narrative for this accidental mistake in my life

I know…. I made promises and she expected me to live up to them.

Listening to her in this state is music to my ears. She made her decision. Let her cry herself away alone in a trailer. She’s never leaving that place.

She is in a situation and all I wanted to do was get her out. In the end, she failed. Her loss. She reaps the consequences. She’s a hopeless case

When I’m off I can do all of that There is nothing wrong with a night job. It’s great, yes there are risks involved as in lack of a social life. Then again I don’t want to be in this job forever. Being a concierge until I’m in my 60s isn’t in the cards for me. I deserve and demand better, and I have to achieve my goals and aspirations. Classes are more of a priority for me. Education is pivotal for any advancement in life. Volunteering can be a hobby or something, a righteous work for points in life. In order to get what I want, I must work and work and work hard at it

She called me crying, telling me she can’t take life anymore. Life is just so overwhelming at this point. I told her she did it to herself. I can’t be of any help to her anymore. She told me she needs a friend. I told her, that option is not for us. We were never and will never be friends. I told her I don’t believe her, and there is another man in her life. The same man that abused her in the past, the same man that uses her kids against her. I told her this was all a game to her, and I was just a pawn. She led me on, she knew what she was doing Her tears and sniffles got deeper. She tried to say, I didn’t ever use you. I should never feel that way. I told her the numbers speak for themselves. Last week she called me for gas money, nuggets for the kids, diapers, wipes, detergent. I told her that her needed to fend for herself. I am not a charity. I told her I loved her, and she played with me. She told me, her first priority are her kids. And she feels she has to protect them at all cost. That I ruined her life by sharing so much information with me. I told her the person that was with her ruined her life, her family ruined her life, all I tried to do was get her out. In the end, the failure is all her fault. She failed this just like she failed everything in. She told me she had to work on herself because she has nothing to show for in her life. And I should never hate her. She feels this anger and hatred in me, and with all the things going on in her life. My hatred is eating her up too. I told her stop trying to save the soul of an abuser. If she does, she gets what she deserves. Most of her problems would be gone if she tried playing this game. Her bills she has to handle, go to some charity or the government for assistance. She told me she loves me and that I have to work on myself too. She made a set of keys for me, she told me. I told her, I bet it’s for the next few guys. She jumps from guy to guy like a trampoline. She got very upset, telling me she isn’t that person.

I work at nights and my given days off don’t give me much choice on what do for leisure time when I’m off. I thought about taking classes to learn how to code but I have a 5 year old Mac, and not the money to dish out for such classes at this point. When it comes to classes, I want to learn something new which could help me professionally and personally After this situation, I might say goodbye to dating apps for good. Many profiles have photos which are just too good to be true, meaning they are fake I learned many lessons too. One of them is no single moms ever again… avoid them like the plague. They suck at you like a leech and go onto the next person. It’s not fair for me to take care of another man’s kids… unless she’s a widow

She would FaceTime me while I walked around, and she did things around her trailer and would show me. She would give me tips on what do when I wash clothes in a laundry. And the concept of a water bill. And anxiety… this anxious fear I have of meeting people

On days off, I would roam when things started to cool down. I would go out, walk around, go to bookstores, Starbucks, Best Buy then go home. I would go to the gym as well, spend an hour and half there… if I needed a spotter for bench presses, I would ask someone to assist me. Once that was done, there assistance wasn’t needed kindly anymore. when she came into the picture, I would just bring her along. She would say I live a very isolated life, like in north korea

When the pandemic struck, I got into emergency mode. Got myself supplies, and went to work. I was an essential worker so I didn’t loose my job and reported to work as required. I continued life as I usually do, the difference was I went straight home after work, out of safety.

I always have these dreams that my life is over. I’m stuck in this apartment and in this job for the rest of my life. I shouldn’t hope for anything better and be grateful for what I have. Family friends would tell me, some things are meant for people. Maybe you are meant to alone for a reason. Maybe you aren’t meant to have friends, to be out there. Those people I immediately cut off from my life. Such negative thinking I don’t dare tolerate for one moment. But the conversations play in my mind. I ask myself what did I do to deserve to be so alone. I am a nice, gentle guy who has been there for so many people.

At times, I do go out to the museum, farmers markets, etc just to see what is going on. When I do go out, I have my AirPods on. I do smile and laugh at times. And at times assist people and say hello to them. In 2015, I forced myself to go to meetings of groups of mutual interest, went to gaming bars, met “new people”. The “new people” I met are long gone, of course. I always notice, there is something in me that tells me yes or no. If I hear a yes in my heart, I go along with it. If I hear a no…. I stop and go on. When me and her would spend time on video chat or on the phone, she knew I was isolated. I would say I’m resisting the world, the world wants to hurt me. She told me her sister thinks that way. She lives in a trailer alone and talks to demons. In my mind, I said to myself her sister needs help.

I’m not happy with my life I am a single guy who lives in a 2br apartment and works in a union job which pays well. Im going to be 40 in two years. I don’t have a wife and a family. Living in almost complete isolation has done damage to me. Im afraid of the world because I just think it’s dangerous and dark. Im tired of having hide and fight. And repeat it again. Before she came into the picture, I would cry at nights to sleep, asking myself what went wrong. Is something wrong with me?

She would tell me on and off she needs help and so do I… but then she doesn’t need help On video chats, she would cry to her kids mommy can’t support you and take care of you. Mommy is sick and needs help. Or Mommy wants to go home to heaven, she has to leave you behind.

The money she had she would spend on me, her kids, her bills, giving to charity, and herself. The money she saved up drained so quickly and all she could do is cry. The gifts she got me, I threw them out. She promised me something in return, that was marriage and a family. Im a fool it seems