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Tjphoenix

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  1. Good point, I'm sure the mum doesn't know, and wouldn't approve atall. They've been dating for about a year (and living together for pretty much all of that time) Thanks for all your thoughts, I hate not knowing what to say, and he is clearly reaching out to me, but you're right, as others have said too...he's not ready to listen (or atleast accept my opinion) I think I need to make it clear that conversation about her is off limits, otherwise our friendship will struggle, and I'll lose respect for him, and I don't want that to happen, he's an excellent friend and a great father.
  2. The issue with bars is purely to do with the fact that girls are in bars, and she doesn't trust him. She has history with ex boyfriend's cheating on her, so she uses that as an excuse to why he can't go to bars, why he has to show her his fb messages, WhatsApp messages etc. He is still military, hence why he works overnight alot, and when he has custody of his girls, sometimes he works and gives them to her to look after. Logistically he needs her, and is the explanation for why he moved in with her straight away, and why he won't move out/puts up with the abuse etc. I think you're right about inevitably losing custody unless he gets stability. The girls are his priority, so maybe realising that could push him to make a decision Thank you for your reply and thoughts
  3. He has great family, but unfortunately they live too far away. And yeah, she's got them convinced she's amazing. He tells me he likes my opinion, cos no-one else is honest with him, or just thinks she's wonderful. But he's conflicted cos he always comes to me for my opinion, but then tries his best to change my opinion and convince me she is great. I think he's trapped cos he needs her to facilitate him seeing his girls more, and his girls are his priority. It's easier for him to convince himself that she's great, than find the courage (and logistics) to leave her. I'm done telling him what I think (even though he's always asking me) I think I will push him away, and I don't want that, I just want to support him. I've told him he needs his own place. Problem is, he needs to leave his girls with her, when he goes to work (in order to keep his 50:50 custody with his ex-wife) so again, logistically he needs to be with her. How old are they or his girls? They're both mid 30s, his girls are 3&5
  4. My best friend went through a divorce last year, after 10 years happily married. It ended basically because his ex felt she deserved better and started talking to guys on dating apps behind his back, when he found out, he left her, leaving him only seeing his 2 young girls at alternate weekends. Nowhere to live as his ex-wife took all of his money, he was living on a military base ( where he works) Within a few months, he met and moved in with his new girlfriend. Seemingly appearing perfect at first, she took him in, gave him somewhere to live, and somewhere to have his girls for weekends, and she never charged him any rent whatsoever. She did however create some rules, including that he wasn't allowed to go to any bars, must give her his social media passwords, and must videocall her when he is with me, to prove he is with me and not out with other women etc. Recently they broke up, because he broke a rule and went to a bar with his brother, who was going through a hard time and needed cheering up with a drink. When she found out, they argued alot and she called him a terrible father, which hurt his feelings so much that he ended it. She then text all of his family, explaining they were breaking up and it was due to him not respecting her and her rules etc. He then calls me and tells me everything, but a day later, he tells me he is back with her, and the justification is that he needs somewhere to take his 2 girls to stay. I told him my concerns, that this wasn't a good enough reason to stay with someone, and that I felt he is also being controlled by her. He then explained that he does not care about anything except being able to see his daughters, and that he will even accept being disrespected by her, as long as she let's him see his girls, and she's good with them, he doesn't care about anything else. I have seen him change a lot for the worse, and I just don't know what to say to him anymore, I am worried she is controlling him more and more. I have got great advice on here before, with my own relationship problems in the past, and felt like this could be a good place to get some support, so in turn I can support my friend. I know ultimately, there's nothing i can do, he needs to work through this himself, but any sound a rational advice I can give, would help alot, as he really does listen to me (well except regarding her haha) any input would be hugely appreciated.... Thank you
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