ramsickle1369

why did i deserve to be abused? Why did you do everything for her and never me? Why did you come back to me AFTER meeting her? Why did you continue a relationship with ME if you cared so much about HER? Why did you lie to me? Why did you treat me like trash? Why was I so stupid? I hate you as much as I love you. I'll never be whole again.

Very interesting how everyone has such vastly differing opinons. I didn't used to think that sex was so important, until I went without for many years. Suddenly, it became obvious that the lack of physical intimacy caused the breakdown of just about everything else. I believe that Tao's list is not so much as ranked as it should be equal parts of the whole. Without love, the sex is, as Duffy said, "bumping uglies". Without sex, the love will fade. Without Intellegence, humor, conversation and hobbies will be hard to share. So I suppose it is all 100% important... I suppose the rank method is throwing everyone off as it really isn't something that can be ranked accross the board.

I agree that one needs to get out of one situation before embarking on another. Not just to save face, but the emotional ramifications are too great to not heal from one before starting another.

Very well said!

LMAO! Guess all have to do that now, huh?

This is very true... When the emotional gets messed up, it no doubt reaches the physical. Looks do not make the sex good--it can help, but it's not what it's about. It's that emotional AND physical connection. Very difficult to find.

I agree that cheating opens a whole new can of worms and leaves a level of guilt I personally couldn't handle. However, most relationships fail because of the lack of compatible physical connection, whatever form you need it in. For me, it's bind-blowing, very adventurous sex. But I'm not the norm, either.

Well said. I guess that's what I've been trying to say, but just not so well! LOL Intimacy comes in all kinds of forms and all kinds of relating. I think some people are less sexual than others and I had the misfortune of not realizing we were mismatched and married anyway. When I realized how important the sex was to me, I wondered if there was something wrong with me or him. I think bottom line is that everyone is different and we all have differing sex drives. Clearly there's more to it than a booty call.

wow... you have a very eloquent way with words. Not sure I'm even following what you are saying and I'm no idiot... No one should ever take an opinoin from one person as total truth--seriously. If that were the case, we'd not need such places as ENA. Goodness... I hadn't even realized that you were you... Have a good night. I'm not trying to figure this out any longer. Not even sure there was an argument anywhere... ???

I'm not exactly sure what you are saying????

don't get me wrong, everyone is entitled to their own opinions and lives. I'm just stating that I wouldn't ever go without again-- serious conditions inhbiting aside...

Not what I meant at all... There is definitely casual sex, relationship sex, and making love. You don't have to love the person to have sex, but if you love the person you DO have to have sex... I'm much older than post the posters and applaud any of you who are still young and enjoying the ideals. I used to be that person but divorce and a decade or so of experience has changed my views drastically. That's great. You are young and should NOT be seeking out multiple partners. If I had ONE partner that offered great sex and a good relationship, I'd be a happy camper. As I've gotten older and more mature about these things, it comes easier and sex and its meaning has changed, too. There's some deep seeded issue with your friend. That's not healthy and I suspect she equates sex with self-validity.

Interesting question.... I'd love to know a guy's response. B/c I am always hearing how guys want a sexual person, but then when they get it they freak out anyway. We can't win.

Sex is never the ONLY factor, but it is a very important one. Without ANY sex or any affection (the multitude of facets that takes on) it IS plutonic and may be a great relationship--just not a romantic one--like that with your best friend. IMO--a real relationship--a one with romantic feelings MUST include sex or it's not a "lover" relationship. I am in love with my best friend, but I don't want to have sex with her. The same was true with my XH. The sex is NOT an option anymore... But I still have strong feelings for him and love him. I know... I was looking at old posts and this one STILL remains true. W/o good sex, everything else will fall apart. It's the glue that will hold you together when the $hit hits the fan.

Me too.... LOVE LOVE LOVE it! And I'm apparently at my sexual peak--NOT a good time to be single... Oh no! That was the cause of the end of my marriage. I waited and tried for 10 years and couldn't take anymore... Glad I've gotten out.