melchevelle

all these years later I wonder if her intentions were genuine, but I'll never know. I ran into her the other day and it brought out some old feelings. especially since she told me in a random text 4 months ago how much hate she has for me. I deserve some of it, but I did try to do right by her earlier this year and attempt to apologize and make amends.

andrina, I use "love" loosely. okay, LIKE. I'm merely reflecting to identify and break my own patterns, but some people suggested that some people genuinely "love" like this.

this has been on my mind a lot recently although it it happened 3 years ago and I'm still processing it. just looking for thoughts. PLEASE BE KIND AND NOT RESPOND BY TELLING ME TO GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON. I matched with a girl online and we were texting as you do on the apps. we had a good report and the conversation was reciprocal which is rare nowadays. so within the first day or so of messaging she wanted to tell me how crazy it was that she found me, like I was someone she'd been looking for and how she was getting ready to delete the app but then my profile came about like it was kismet. she read how much I was into design because so was she, I had a manbun which she thinks is hot, and I was wearing a t-shirt of the city she was currently in. she was also telling her colleagues about me and they were all excited. okay, this is flattering and what not. during the texting she also revealed how much she's into sex and how she's been sexually enlightened after her divorce. kinda a turn off from me, because I don't want to know about her and other guys and I felt like she was trying to reel me in like I was after sex. I was not. she was very adamant on asking me for a date as soon as she was home, which I said no problem. THEN before she left this city to come home she buys me a little present and tells me about it. okay, maybe a little sweet, but a little weird. she was non stop texting me her entire trip. she came home, we went out, it was a little awkward, and I was half interested. This didn't stop her one bit. for the next few days and weeks she was insistent on reassuring me that she liked me, that she likes to tell people so they know where they stand with her. I'm basically on the fence, I don't know this person. she was very quick to want to jump into bed. she also did some really sweet things like cook me dinners and watch Christmas movies. she was sweet, but there was something about the speed and intensity that set me back. after about a month of this I explained that hey I think we need to take it down a notch, that I felt it was too much too soon, I have been on both sides of the intensity (both giving and receiving to another person) and I knew from experience that it freaks some people out. I know she has a good heart. I asked why she even liked me given that I'm kinda ambivalent towards her and aside from my physical attributes she doesn't really know me, but she still persisted and insisted that I was something special. every time I tried to end things she would keep coming back with apologies and more flattery and what not. my question is, it sounds like love bombing, but do some people in fact just love intensely? she blamed it on being a LEO and having red hair. any productive insights?

Just an update: it’s over. long story short: her vacation made her realize that she doesn’t want to start a family. This is the story she told me. I didn’t argue, I just hung up.

I've found that every woman I date still talks to their exes or best friends with their exes. I really don't understand this. when I'm done, I'm done, no matter if it was consensual or not. that's just me after liking every single one of my instagram posts from all three of her instagram accounts, my gf then told me that her ex husband just started an IG and she liked all of his posts. it caught me off guard, but definitely didn't make me feel special. I didn't say anything at the time bc like I said, it caught me off guard. in regards to me, she said she was marking her territory.

bro me and you are very similar and in very similar situations. backing off is my only advice, because you can't unsay or undo what's been said and done. if she's really into you then she'll give you the opportunity to redeem yourself, if not, then you'll have your answer. it sucks I know, but believe me it's all you can do.

See, she was with some multi millionaire for 7 years, then married him (not legally) for a couple months then decided it wasn’t good, then “broke up?” But continues living with him for 1.5 years until she moved back home. She continues to keep up with him and even said she was going to go hang out with him for her birthday which I don’t understand considering she was miserable when she was with him. I expressed my uncomfortableness with it all, but there are so many holes in the story, and she reflects a lot and I want to talk about it but there hasn’t been the right time. Another way I’m getting to really know her. I’ve backed off, I’m just seeing what happens. I’m not expecting her to go back to the way she was. If she does however, I do want to continue some of the difficult conversations, especially when it comes to who she is, our needs, etc.

I guess I was referring to the basic breadcrumbs she throws me whilst on vacation. They are saying I’m acting too desperate to connect while she’s literally lying on a beach, staying in a home with friends and posting on IG. Yes, these people know the whole situation. See why I’m confused?

Lost, for my own peace of mind, what would she be gaining from me by manipulation? She knows I don’t have money or anything, she told me she doesn’t want anything but love and a partner to do life with. She is allegedly very wealthy, very attractive and very independent. I am moderately attractive, working class and independent. as far as seeing the red flags and everything, which I agree with everyone, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place either seeing red flags OR am I projecting my own fears and insecurities by interpreting her behaviors? I have people saying that I’m in the wrong, that this is how “normal” people are and I’m too needy, I’m projecting, or the problem is her. I have backed off 99% and she reached out once yesterday and I responded. 2 texts total. She’s on vacation I get it, but if you “love” like she claims she does wouldn’t there be a little more? Or is this normal? It feels like a game and I hate it, but I’m walking on eggshells and not tryna poke the bear. I know you all don’t know me, her, or every detail and we’re all doing our best, and I APPRECIATE this whole heartedly. I’m just very confused. Lots of people saying she might be the most normal person I’ve ever met and I’m projecting therefore pushing her away

Lambert, yes, I am blaming myself for this. I thought I was doing the right thing by sharing my feelings and wanting to talk it over, but maybe I don’t know half of what I think about growth in relationships.

lost, the polar opposite thing got me very confused and hurt honestly. Yes, i ignored the red flags in the beginning only because I was giving her the benefit of the doubt in that people “love” in their own ways. Bottom line is if she truly “loves” me the way she claimed she did then she wouldn’t be icing me and just giving me breadcrumbs to survive. as of last night I did back off tremendously. She reached out to share a vacation photo which I didn’t respond to then a few hours later asked me how much I got accomplished that day (which she didn’t care the past few days) which I did respond an hour later with a very basic response and a good night. She responded with “sleep well ‘pet name’” that’s the first term of endearment in almost a week. I hate doing this, it feels like a game, but there’s not much I can do while she’s on vacation except protect myself and really reflect on what this really is. It gives me a sense of control for myself in a situation that is seemingly out of my control.

Thank you all for your insights. Regarding her reaction to the card and why it hurt my feelings is because throughout this entire relationship anything I’ve done for her has received a pretty big reaction, which in turn makes me feel good and what I became used to. For example, 3 weeks ago I left a post it on the bathroom mirror that read “have a wonderful day ❤️“ and she replied via text “omg, I am going to treasure this for the rest of my life”. So her reaction to my card in which I basically expressed how thankful I was for her coming into my life and how much I care for her yielded a rather flat/sterile response which is what I wasn’t used to. See my point? I know I shouldn’t expect reaction when giving, I get that, I just told her my feelings were hurt because i felt there might’ve been something else going on or if I had overstepped, I don’t know.

Rose, we see each other once a month for a few days. I don't know a whole hell of a lot about her and she's not very open, even though I ask. dating locally, yeah I've tried, it's not that easy. no one is serious and I entertain anyone who is interested in me, but I do not seek out of town companions, we just happened to click, or so I thought.

hi all, a quick history: 3 months ago we met online, different states, 6 hours away. we had a wonderful weekend away for our first date and things moved really fast after that. She was very quick to say I love you and plan a future together and while visiting me during month 2, she announced to my family that she would be moving here, buying us a house, and having my babies. she ingratiated herself with my family saying that she really wanted to be apart of this family. All red flags I know, I get it, but I got caught up in the whirlwind and reciprocated her affection, but never initiated. sounds like love bombing right? So here we are in month three, she was really worried about a medical diagnosis (nothing serious) and I was very supportive, even asking her how I can be supportive. she was very appreciative and during this time and she would talk about how we would get married and all that. the I love yous and adoration were very plentiful from both sides until.... I had sent her a thanksgiving card in the mail with words I had written about being thankful for her and how much she means to me. she saw the card was arriving one day through her USPS app and commented "in the mail today!!" that morning and even though we texted all day, she never mentioned getting the card. so I asked if she had gotten it and she replied verbatim "just got, I love it, thank you". now coming from a couple months of heavy adoration and what not her response seemed a bit cold. I brought it up a couple days later and said that It really hurt my feelings she had nothing to really say about it. she replied that she's just not a deep person, I'm more thoughtful than she is and that I only do things to get a response from her. she turned ice cold. yes, I was expecting a more thoughtful response BASED ON her history, but that's not 100 why I sent it. she also said that I'm in for a lifetime of disappointment. I didn't feel good about our talk she was leaving on vacation day before thanksgiving and pretty much withdrew her love, acting cold, indifferent, unresponsive. I try to make small talk and even say ILY a few times, but she comes back cold usually with no response. when we text now that she's on vacation, it's few and far between, okay, she's on vacation, but just one week ago she was declaring her undying love for me. I'm trying to connect but she's dismissive and cold. some say I'm acting desperate, others say she's not fulfilling my needs for validation in the relationship, some say I ***ed up. I'm confused and don't know what to do. should I back off and let her come to me and keep things very cut and dry and surface level? if she really loves me as much as she says she does shouldn't things be okay? I only communicated my feelings and wanted to talk about them, I don't feel I did anything wrong. or did I? I'm very confused how someone could say all the things she did to me and then turn ice cold.

What do you want me to say? That I should’ve listened to you three years ago when you said don’t give your heart to undeserving s? I don’t know what you thought would happen when you told me your true feelings, obviously you didn’t think. It was easy. I was an easy target. I fell for it. You’re a selfish human being and at 43, you still have a lot of growing up to do. But you won’t. You’ll keep running away from your problems and blaming everyone else. You took advantage of me and took me for granted and then didn’t even have the god damn guts to end things so you made me do it. To leave someone I truly love hurt more than anything, but I’d rather be lonely by myself than lonely in a relationship. Love is the greatest gift you can give to someone and you didn’t deserve me. I know that you can love me when there’s no one left to blame, but by then it’ll be too late and you’ll have to live with that for the rest of your life. I love you mouse. Godspeed