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SleepyOwl1969

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  1. Mylolita, thank you so much for your opinion and sharing part of your personal life with me. It sounds like you have an outstanding relationship with your husband 🥰 So that's the thing, my partner does make me happy, very happy. And as I stated previously in another post this is definitely the healthiest relationship that I've been in. He checks all of the boxes, or most of them. Of course there are some minor exceptions but those are definitely things that I can live with and they are not deal breakers. If he all of a sudden came to the realization that he was in love with me, I really don't know what would change. He's very attentive, communicative, honest and we are very compatible and all aspects of a relationship. That is one question that I ask myself; if I am happy, and he makes me happy, does it really matter if he is in love with me or not? I think I will let things lie for a few months and revisit this with him at that point. I think an important question to ask him is, if he does not feel "in love" with me, where does he see the relationship going. Then perhaps I can decide at that point what I want to do, either continue with the relationship or go our separate ways.
  2. Yes. I understand that. I'm just trying to wrap my head around all of this information that I'm getting here.
  3. Thank you for your reply. I don't think he lacks discretion. Remember, it was me who pushed him for the answer. He was being honest with me and I need to appreciate that. Whether or not it's what I want to hear I still should appreciate the fact that he was honest. 🤷‍♀️ You said that you don't scrutinize between being in love and love. And a friend of mine is like that. She knows she loves her husband but doesn't differentiate between in love and love. Either she loves someone ( in this case her husband) in a romantic way and feels connected or she doesn't. There is no distinction between being in love and loving. The woman he was with that he was in love with; their relationship lasted 4 years. I don't know at what point he fell in love with her. Was it early on? Was it later? I don't know I've never asked him. And yes I understand that it would sting. It does for me and I'm sure it would for many people.
  4. Thank to everyone for your opinions on my situation. Much appreciated.
  5. I guess what I'm saying is that because I'm so overly emotional about things, not just relationships but everything, I tend not to see straight. There have been decisions in my past for example with work etc that if I had gone by my emotional reaction at the time would not have made a good decision. I guess the bottom line is that time will tell. Am I happy ? Absolutely. Is it possible that this relationship can and will end? Absolutely. There are no guarantees. Am I going to leave him? No. At this point it is not a consideration. Maybe ask me in another 6 or 12 months if the situation is the same. I suppose my desire to be in a happy, stable relationship outweighs whether or not this person classifies himself as being in love with me (whatever that means to him).
  6. Gotcha. I understand what you're saying now. Thank you for clarifying.
  7. And I guess that's the thing, and in terms of how we think, we align very very well. We are very communicative and we talk a lot about our past present future etc There is nothing amiss when it comes to those things, compatibility issues, sexual chemistry etc. This is why I'm questioning things in terms of him saying those words I want to hear. If everything is wonderful, do I insist upon him feeling that way/ saying those words? I've been in many relationships in my life and this is by far the healthiest one I've ever been in.
  8. What are the "too many" red flags? An answer to your questions, I'd say no to all of them. And again, remember that I'm the one who pushed him to give me an answer as to whether or not he is in love with me. He didn't volunteer that information.
  9. To be fair, I consider myself in love with him however I don't know that I felt butterflies and fireworks when I saw him/see him. Is this the definition of being in love? Does that mean then that I am not actually in love with him because I don't feel those things?
  10. How does one ever know if the other partner is as equally as invested as they are? By their words? By their actions?
  11. I hear what you're saying and I'm not trying to make excuses but it may not really my gut talking. It's my overly emotional self. Lol I say this because I'm like this generally speaking not just in relationships. My overthinking and sometimes highly emotional state can do a very good job of masking any gut reaction. This is an unfortunate flaw in me. But I understand what you're saying and it makes sense.
  12. But I guess my question is, what is a normal pace? Is there a normal pace? Yes mine is obviously different than his is. But does that make mine wrong because it's too fast or is wrong because he's not quick enough? No, there is no guarantee that he will ever be. And there's no guarantee about anything, really. Maybe for him and other people being in love with doesn't equal longevity. Maybe people can have a great relationships, in all aspects. But still never fulfill their definition of being in love, whatever that definition is to them. I don't know ...
  13. Sorry, not sure what you mean by the last sentence. And I'm not trying to be happy I actually am happy LOL I'm just wondering if I'm putting too much emphasis on words I want to hear as opposed to actions that he provides me daily.
  14. My initial reaction? Devastation LOL BUT I'm one of those highly sensitive and emotional people. I tend to overreact emotionally a lot, and I need to try to rationalize things quite a lot of the time. This is why I'm here. So that I can step out of my emotional box and try to gain a more rational perspective of things.
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