pcardoso

Hi It's difficult to say what's going on her mind, but i would say she is afraid of being hurt again. So, of course both of you need to talk again and clarify things (and your feelings) but you also have to show her you've changed; and not by words but by actions. Good luck

Hi IamLost, If I know what you mean! It happened with me and my ex. I also had some problems dealing with the fact he had started another r/s so soon, especially when he told me I was the woman of his life and was crying when we broke up (it was his decision). Seeing his history of relationships (he was with his wife during 5 years, 2 of them married and he even loved her)… I started thinking: ok, he doesn't love this new girl, but this r/s will long for ages… and what about me? Then, I start thinking… maybe the rebound girl after all was me. Our relation started so soon… and was so intense… maybe he just had carried away and then find out he didn't love me anymore… or worst he never loved me. And these thoughts continued… and continued on my mind, till one day… then stoped (of course, during this period my "life-savers" were eNotalone.com and some reading). Today, I still have so much questions towards him and our relation without answer, but I'm not worried anymore. I achieved a point, when I feel that wasn't the right moment for that relation. May be we will meet again later, or may be not… I don't know… just found I have to live my life and each day to give the best of me, which I'm doing. Btw, since last month I'm also in a new relationship. It's strange because my new "bf" is friend of my ex and because I told him the true: that I think I'm not totally over my ex and don't know if or when I will. But, I'm having a great time with him… and we are building a relation based on trust. I hope telling you my story had helped you. When you say "So I guess I am just afraid that it is going to last a year or two, and if that is the case, I guess I just feel like how can a rebound be so long", believe me… don't rush things, take your time… in a few months this won't bother you anymore. Good luck

Congratulations Al. If I can make you a suggestion: print this e-mail and put it in a place, where you can read it now and then. But don't stop there: each day, find one or two reasons, why you are an incredible human being who deserves the best. I'm sure there are a lot! And most important: learn to relax. Enjoy the moments. Be careful, but don't be a prisoner of that. Sometimes, it feels good follow our heart. Smile, always smile… because this pain you're feeling now was just a rough proof you passed with distinction to help you finding what you want. And believe me, you will! Good luck

Hi This may sound a cliché, but it's true: when we are down we tend to attract only bad luck. I know this is hard, specially at your age, but remember, you have so much to live… enjoy your life, go out with friends, have some fun… and most of all, smile… you'll see: things will start working again. Good luck

Come on Al, Don't do this to yourself. Try to see things into perspective. You both have a working relation, so as hard it seems, you have to maintain a minimum of contact. Try to follow what doblersdream said: see her like a male friend and let things flow. It's natural what you're feeling right now… but you can't let that control your life. Be natural and if you see things are getting out of control (during the lunch or while you are together) put a stop in it and take things/conversation to your court – talk about work or other thing you are confident about. Than… forgive me for saying again but try to work those anxiety issues. It's natural having afraid of rejection… all of us have… but you have to accept that, because you can't control whether people like you or not. It's your job to make the best of yourself always but you have to accept that sometimes you'll fail. Of course, this hurts… but it's how life is. So, up your chin, put your best smile… and trust that everything will be just fine.

Hi Al I'm sorry to hear that things didn't turn out the way you expected, but at least now you know where you stand. I think you should relax and let it flow. Live the moment… and see what happens. Go lunch with her, have fun… just don't expect anything. Life does round in circles and you never know what will happen. May be in a few weeks, you realize that this girl wasn't so important to you, or may be you know another girl, or maybe she starts to have another kind of feelings for you... but none of this should matter, right now. The point here is you know what she's thinking… and it's time to look at yourself. Take care

Let it flow. Wait and see what she has to say to you. I know this will be extremely hard on you, but regardless the result of the personal issues try to save the working relation. I wish I could take some weight from your shoulders, but I can't. You have to trust in yourself and know that you'll be fine, no matter what. And remember, we are here for you. Good luck

Ok, I'm wiling to be the "black sheep" on this one and I hope you don't hate me for what I'm about to saying; just think you need to hear this. Look at yourself, Charmed; read carefully what you wrote. Of course the girl is confused, but it isn't necessary (at least for now) look for there; let's focus on you. You almost had a panic attack for the fact she hadn't reply your message. She took some hours and you flipped. Is that what you want? I think you should stop for a moment and see what you're doing to yourself. And believe me, I'm not condemning you (my ex, "the one" has panic disorder and I know what this is and the pain it causes), just saying you need help. What kind of help? It's up to you, but please be honest with yourself. (Let's suppose, she is in fact thinking about you; how would you feel, the next time she'd arrive 10m late to a meeting? Would you start phoning to the hospital? (I know I'm taking this to the extreme, but understand my difficulties in expressing myself in English and I'm just trying to explain you my point of view). The point here is that you have some anxiety problems and you need to take some measures (probably some professional help) to deal with it. Another thing that caught my attention: the working relation. Why in the hell you should stop the working relation? Of course, some bounds were broke and now it's more difficult; but apart resolving the personal issues, you have also to define your working relation and leave that perfectly clear. Finally, the girl. I also agree she's confused and you two should sit down and discuss what's going on. But, regardless the conclusion, I think you should work on yourself. I hope this could help and once again forgive me for being so direct.

I think so, but first they have to grow by themselves. If they get together without resolving the problems that would lead to the reason why they broke up. Usually this means working those problems alone (or with professional help) and it takes time. What I want to say: yes, I believe it's possible to get back together but not few months after the break-up (and then again, this would mean a new relationship and not "get back together). My personal story: as some of you know, I broke-up with my "soulmate" in last December. I was devastated and during my healing process I look up for some professional advice. I end talking (by e-mail) with two American counsellors who told me something I didn't understanding at the time but like you see I'm beginning to believe: for win back someone, before it's necessary loose him, in this case let go.

I think it's a wise decision. Wait a few days so you can be more confident but don't let this affect, or said in another way, rule your life. I wish you all the luck for the weekend.

I talked with him and find out although he had some attraction for me it hasn't as much I had for him. That hurt, but at same time it was a relief. Let's see. You say you're pretty sure she's flirting. So, why don't tell her how you are feeling and see if it is mutual? You say it would let your guard down. It's true, but if you think there's a chance with this girl, why not taking the risk? In my opinion, there are certain thinks in life that definitely deserve the risk. Besides, in this case, what would be the risk? Find out that she doesn't feel the same way? Yes, this would hurt a lot; but, then again, you'll be sure and stop having some kind of hope. And I agree, it's a very fragile situation; but I think, it depends on how both of you deal with the situation. Let's imagine the worst scenario: she just isn't interested. This doesn't mean necessarily ruining your professional relationship. It will take an extra of effort, but you can work it out if both of you respect the decisions and opinions of each other.

Hi charmed, I saw your post yesterday and I've been thinking on it in the past hours, because a few years ago I was in a similar situation and know how this can confuse one's mind. As I see it, you have two options: wait to the end of the professional r/s, and then talk with her; or, if you see this is affecting your life (and I think it is), invite the lady to a couple of coffee and try to clear some points with her. Of course you have another way, which is, like you say, "putting an end to the professional r/s"; personally, I wouldn't do that, but it's up to you. Good luck

I think he sees you as a good friend and is trying not to hurt you. But, I don't know him. I agree with Tolly. The best you can do is talk to him and try to find out what's in his mind.

Hi Phil, I know how hard this past weeks have been to you and I wish by now all the pain had ended, but unfortunately it isn't that way life works. There're some rough times waiting for you, although this e-mail could be the beginning of your healing process. Like you say, it isn't fair to your (and even for herself) if you just sit there and wait for her. Of course, this has nothing to do with another relationship or something like that, but only be open for what life has deserved for you. Personally, I want to thank you. You know a bit of my story and how I'm overcoming most of it, but only today, when reading your e-mail, I realize what is missing so I could had been able to close the door – and it was a letter like this, in a way I could exorcize some feelings. Perhaps, my healing process could be faster. We only learn by our mistakes and definitely today I feel stronger. In that sense, I'm relieved for what happen. I wish we could be together but life… is what it is and I know I can't or want to hang up my life. Although the pain, I'm confident about the future and I'm sure we have great things and persons (either our "renewed" exs or other wonderful persons) waiting for us. Only we have to do: just relax and enjoy our ride… Hang in there. Paula

Exactly the same