lolita
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Hi everyone! I haven't been here for a while but I wanted to give you all a quick update. 2 weeks ago I had decided to stop counting the days of no contact and totally let it go! I m happy with my new boy although he drives me nuts at time but he treats me well. Anyway story short. I got a message out of the blue from my ex!!! I didn't replied right away and replied the next day early morning. Thinking knowing him, he would be probably asleep. He wrote me back immediately after. We exchanged few messages, laughed a little and that was it. Honestly it took me a few days to stop thinking about the reason why he has decided to reach out to me like 5 month post break up!!! So I decided to text him and to call him out on why he suddenly felt the need to text me. Guess what he replied right away that he felt bad of how he ended things with me and that he was sorry. So basically he just wanted to clear his conscious and maybe get a little ego boost. That was it, he didn't mention picking up his cloths or meeting someday ... I ve always said they always come back but not always for the reasons we want! At the end of the day is for the better cos I didn't want him to pursue me while I m trying to build something new with my new boy! Good luck everyone through this tough journey! At the end we all will survive and move on!
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It's ok my first date after break up was a total disaster and not a conversationalist either. But I can laugh about it now! He came 4h late, FaceTime his cousin and then parents ... credit cards got declined and had to pay ... so don't give up. You ll meet a better one. I feel a little better now from the anxiety of breaking no contact last night . Feel stupid tho cos you would think that initiating will make them want to talk to you again and text again but nop ... I don't exists for him . At least as you said you got that first date post BU out of the way! So you are on your way to recovery and be able to make your life without him ! Let's keep hoping for better but as for me he can shut down all his social media or something I won't care anymore and promise myself to keep no contact forever unless he reaches out .
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Thanks Layla21 I wish I had seen your message before ... I broke no contact last night ... we exchanged a few messages he is still working on himself . And not seeing anyone as I could understand . I feel like I completely messed up. I even sent him a pix of my new hair. He told me I looked pretty and asked if I was sending that pic to every guys... why would he say that ? He told me he had removed his social media without me asking for it. I asked why he never came around and he said " mixed emotions" what is that supposed to mean? I feel horrible today. I shouldn't have contacted him. I almost ruined everything with the new guy bc both were texting at the same time and told him cos I was overwhelmed with emotions. I drunk a lot too cos I have been pushing myself for 56 days and after speaking to him I cried so much I felt all these efforts were done for nothing. And felt like I betrayed the new guy too . I feel just awful . You guys were right when they say they felt terrible after contacting the ex. Now I know why. I m back at NC.
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Layla21 you should totally go for the hair changes. I was hesitant from being blond going to a dark brown but I got so many compliments that I feel like I made the right choice and thanks so much about the non smoking! Yeah your break up happened around the same time as mine! I feel you! Xmas is the worst time to be dumped! But TiredofDating and you Layla21 should keep going on dates! TiredofDating, I hope your date will go well on Sunday ! Keep us posted ! It makes us feel desirable again and boost our self confidence! Lately I have requests from everywhere but I focus on one person at the time. So I finally saw the new guy last night he really treated me like a princess ! It felt so good! We really have something btw us. He gave me a goodbye kiss that makes you crave for some more. Now I was on my way back home with butterflies in my stomach when I don't know why I scrolled on my Fb and looked for my ex! He removed himself from Fb! I m so worried ! I want to text him and ask if he is ok! He is probably struggling with his drug issues i m sad I don't know what I should do? I don't have anymore an agenda bc I want to try with the new guy but I care so much for my ex that I m scared that if I text him he might think I want something and what if he comes back? I m lost ! What should I do? I feel so much pain knowing he is battling this thing alone ! Why would he removed his FB? He kept his IG but never updates it. Please guys I ll be glad if you can tell me if I should or not break no contact ! Thanks
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Day 53 Layla21 keep talking with the guy you have met online trust me it really helps. I don't know how long ago was your break up but mine was in November (last time I saw him 3 days after thanksgiving) but only started doing NC bc he had stringed me along for a while until he pulled the plug early January from where I ve decided to go no contact. While he was all confused not knowing if he could be in a relationship while on drug recovery, I was talking to this guy just to keep myself busy and guess what we talk more and more and started to call each other often and he is the one I m going to finally meet. I had also went on one date with another guy and the date was horrible but at least, I was trying to force myself to go out and meet new people! It might lead nowhere or it could get you in a better place. I don't take this guy as a rebound but more as a new potential for a relationship and screw my ex who didn't see it in me. I will never know if that recovery is even real. All I know, is that I should have listen to the red flags, that a guy with no job, living with his mom and do nothing all day long are surely not ready for any commitment! Like you I want to reach indifference, because I know one day we are going to bump into each other and I don't want to be weak. Keep it up guys and really try to focus on being a better version of yourself! I have quit smoking now for 21 days, I follow daily a squat challenge, I have beautiful new hair color! I m like a new person which was never related to the ex....
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Is it? Yes I m Aquarius too! I found this period even harder than the first 30 days! Like I m really nostalgic and only missing the good things about him! Like before I used to see the negative points. Now it seems only the positives ones are stuck in my mind and his beauty ! I almost caved in last night and took sleep aid instead and went to bed.
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Day 50... Layla21 Thank you for your message too! I have read in the forum that if your ex had a rebound you have to absolutely remain out of the picture bc keeping on interacting with your ex will make him getting closer to the rebound. It was quite interesting theory to read. I m trying to motivate myself but some days I can't help but torturing myself of thinking about him. I keep having that image of him smiling at me the last time we saw each other and his text afterwards saying he was happy to see me and that he had missed me so much. It felt so good. What annoys me is that we live sooo close to each other but he has no purpose to come in my area so I have zero chance to bump into him randomly and we have no common friends. Maybe after 60 days I ll try to initiate something but also it will depend on how I will feel with the new guy. We have been talking a lot but still never met.... sigh
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Layla, I understand your urge to contact him but I think you should push yourself a little longer wait at least 60 days. 44 days for us is hard not for them. They are enjoying their space and time so it doesn't feel that long for them. when much more time has passed, thats when they will feel it too! They will be like what's that little one doing . A lot of my exes came back sometimes years after sometimes just like 2-3 months. I actually had one that came back recently but he is totally sending me mixed signals, he would openly flirt with me on social media but can't offer a date and I can't be bothered playing his silly game because i m not interested anymore. I just watch him amused from afar and wait on his next silly game. I m not sure if my recent ex that got me to come here is the type of coming back. Plus I m guessing that when he will be out of his drug addiction recovery he will be a different person which I think he will never look back to the past meaning Looking back to date someone from his horrible past. I have to admit it to myself that I have very very little possibility with this one... Hold on tight for a little longer, you never know, you might be surprised of the outcome either you won't need him anymore or either he could come back! I m on 47 days!! And stronger and stronger everyday that passes !
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Wow Honeybal I m so proud of you!! It must have been so difficult for you to see him. You did well to leave before he started to engage a conversation! I thought of contacting him again about his clothes too but I wont be able to face him still. I will be scared to get the wound where I ve buried all my feelings opening up again, letting all these pain coming out again. Plus I don't think about him as often I used to do. Its like sometimes I force myself to think about him. Honeybal maybe your ex by being caught by surprise by you and you showing determination and that you really moved on might trigger him to recontact you... so be ready for it . It might not happen or it might. I m on 45 Days now and maybe on route for the rest of my life. Good luck to you if you won't come back to the forum anymore. Best wishes !
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42 Days! Time flies that's crazy and getting a little stronger every day! Like you guys I do stalk him a little well whatever is possible to see . But its useless because I don't really know what he is up to nowadays, if he is doing good with his recovery, if he has a job now, moved out from his mom... a friend of mine told me she used to date what she called a looser many many years ago, the guy was in a pretty much similar situation as my ex.. well she said she had heard from him no long ago and he still in the same situation. So that comfort me a little to know that the problem wasn't me but him! That in the event he would have find a rebound it wouldn't last. But still it hurt to know that he lives so close to me and he never had the desire to pass by even just to see how I was doing in my new place or to simply pick up his clothes! I think if I do not hear from him after 6 month I will give his cloth away to the homeless of my street. The new guy I m talking with his a total wack ! We keep talking for freaking long hours! last time was until 7am! He literally a great entertainment and it helps me to not think about my ex but at the same time I m really scared I would get attached and fall again for the wrong person and repeat the same mistakes and get my feeling crushed once again!
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Boy ! can't believe it's day 40! I m missing him like crazy. I can't cry but I wish I could! I wish I could relieve all these tentions ! But I listen to the "i will survive song " and it brings me strength how cheesy it might sounds ! Hard night tonight ... courage for the weekend everyone
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I made a mistake I m actually ending day 38 !! Lol I can't believe I ve skipped one day counting of my no contact! I have been distracted a lot with the new guy that keeps me on my toes but my heart belong to my ex still. I know you guys told me to hold on the texting ... and I know it's too soon so I was thinking maybe within 60 days of no contact I might try to just talk about collecting his clothes once and for all. The new guy is litteraly eating my brain!up! It's so dangerous it reminds me the beginning of my ex and I relationship ! Hit off like crazy for nothing at the end ! So forcing myself to get nobody inside my head and heart beside my ex who doesn't care lol how ironic !! And I know this isn't the right forum but 6 days smoking free too lol
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I feel you, I went on a date early January I was so unready to meet someone new but I thought jumping into something new will help. That date was a total disaster, felt no sparks, no connection... right now I do have that with the new guy but as we haven't met I don't know yet if he could be someone who will makes me forget my ex. Deep down I still hoping that once he is healed from his drugs addiction he would look for me and why would he keep our photo still on social media? It makes no sense to me! I m on Day 36 I think, I haven't cried for awhile thanks god. Honeybal the more you express the more you let it go. This NC is so hard tho! But at the same time what to text them...
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Oh that's great that you went on a date maybe you will start developing some feelings for the new guy in course of the time ! At least it distracts you from thinking about your ex. And everybody needs a little ego boost sometimes ! I was talking with the new cute guy but he kept disappearing, one day I had enough and i told him I won't contact him anymore, Bc what's the point to try to get to know each other if he replies me days later . He gave it some thoughts about it and actually called me on Saturday we stayed 9hours on the phone! That was crazy and since that we talk every day all the time. So it helps not to think about my ex and also makes me hope that I could fall in love again . Last night I really had the urge to contact my ex but I think it's all mixed up with the cigarettes cravings. I miss him still tho.. let's keep up and go on date and come here to heal and talk .