candykisses

This is my least favourite way to get through to you right now, but it's my only way. You thought I don't love you, but that is simply not true. I EFFIN' LOVE YOU. I simply made a mistake. I respected you and respected our relationship enough to fess up to you. I thought our love was strong enough to get through this, but maybe I'm wrong. I thought we were closer than this. I know you're angry and hurt right now, but I hope I haven't lost you. I don't know how else to reach you, lol, since you're not picking up your phone nor responding to my emails. I tried to salvage our relationship and was ready to make my issues transparent but you're unavailable and unreceptive to even talk about it. I know our phone call kinda ended on a really bad note that night, with you hanging up on me angrily, but WHY THE HELL DID YOU SAY "HEY BABY, I AM AT WORK, DON'T HAVE TIME TO TALK RIGHT NOW" when I called you back at your work, then retreat and vanish into thin air ever since? WHY DID YOU SAY hey baby??? WHY DID YOU SAY "OKAY" WHEN I SAID "I'LL TALK TO YOU TONIGHT"? Why did you still call me to wake me up that morning? Why did you tell me that it'll be okay at one point, the night before? do you know how that makes me feel? "Hey baby, I love you and we're still together but I'm not willing to even talk about it nor work through it when you call to work through our relationship...I KNOW how much you need me emotionally but I'm going to leave you to show you how important I am to you" you don't care about my well-being. I TOLD you how much I need you, and how important you are to me. You don't have to show me. I know you said that maybe it takes a good thing to leave my life in order for me to come to my senses, and I have. sorry if this is all so disorganized, but it's how I feel. Don't know if you've watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind yet. I have yet to read Catcher in the Rye. I need you more than air right now. I miss you. I miss me and you together. I miss laughing and cracking up together. I miss our inside jokes. I miss those things, that were unique and special to US. I effin' miss you, and us. I miss the way you helped me study for my test but distracted me with flying squirrels. Graville Island, the TW, Bertha, peanut butter jelly time, Miffin. Miss the way you helped me, in so many things, too many to articulate. Miss the way you called me "yuni bunny" Miss the way you'd tell me to turn the lights off and come to bed. Miss playing Lex with you. Miss how time just flies when we're on the phone. Miss you telling me that you're proud of me. heck, I even miss your squirrel story...the one that kept me crying and awake that night and you stayed up with me. Gosh, I'm tearing up right now, thinking about the things we've done. Staying up together. Sending each other songs. I miss YOU. I miss your person. I wish I could say, I wish I never took a plunge with you and committed myself to this LDR in the first place cuz then neither of us would be in this much pain right now. But I can't...because I don't regret "us," one bit. I don't regret our relationship. I don't regret any of it. I would never have known this level of love, if "we" didn't happen. I would never know what it means to really and truly love another person. I realize that, no matter what temptation there is on the short-term, and no matter how much my weakness failed me, I truly and surely do LOVE YOU. The same love that parents have for their kids and people have for their pets. They become a part of you. And I'll never stop loving you. I wouldn't erase any of it. Are we broken up? Is this a fight? What the hell. Maybe I should have insisted and gone on "the break." I wanted the break to sort through confusion about what I wanted and work on myself, not because I wanted to sleep with someone else, because I DON'T WANT SEX WITH ANYONE ELSE. Maybe I should have gone on it after all. Maybe it wouldn't land us at where we are now and would save us both this heartache? baby call me, whenever you are ready. Let's talk about it. I'm willing to move this relationship forward, if you are. If you're not willing, then at least give me closure. A final goodbye, a proper farewell, or something. Respect me that much.

But why am I prone to this? I mean.. what's the difference between a girl you date and you get into a comitted relationship with vs. a girl you just wanna have fun with? What do I do to stop being looked at as the latter?? I knew he had a gf.. I wasn't intending to be a homewrecker so I didn't respond to his flirting and the touchy-feely things he did. At the end of the night however I did give him a kiss on the CHEEK because he was leaving... I thought it was nothing since it was just a peck on the cheek. Then he kissed me on the lips. GF wasn't there. My fault for giving him that kiss on the cheek or no? As for that guy I slept with who didn't tell me he had a gf... I DID ask him. He lied and told me he didn't.

I have a 2 part question that I'd like to get some opinions on.. First, what constitutes cheating? The better questions is... what constitutes cheating when alcohol is involved? A guy who has a girlfriend kissed me on the lips. If he kissed me under normal and sober circumstances that would be cheating. But what if it happened in a drunken/party context? Is it still cheating? Second, why am I always "the other woman" ??????? Why have I always been the girl guys cheat on their girlfriends with/want to cheat on their girlfriends with? I've experienced everything from a guy telling me he'd rather be with me than his gf, to a guy I slept with who didn't tell me he had a gf, to guys who deliberately try to hide their relationship status from me. (in normal/sober circumstances). All this and I can't get with a single, AVAILABLE guy. I don't get it... am I the concept of "the other woman" ? It's not even anything I do. I don't even DO anything. I don't deliberately plan to go after taken men, act sexually available, or lead anyone on. If anything, THEY're the ones who deliberately go out of their ways to hide the fact that they have gfs from me. I just mind my own business.. and each time I find out they have gfs, I walk. But they just keep on coming back. I'm very sick of this.... I don't want to always be just "the other woman". Anyone care to shed some light?

Yes.... we notice EVERYTHING..

I've talked to them rationally many many times...it never worked. I always tell her I'm 19 years old and I need her to let me grow up and make my own decisions and learn from my own mistakes. I told her I'm not asking to party it up every weekend but all I ask is that she lets me stay out on occasions like NYE, halloween, my birthday, friends' birthdays, etc...But she wouldn't even COMPROMISE. She still wouldn't relax my curfew and she's always saying that I brought this onto myself...then she would start listing all the reasons why I'm an untrustworthy and irresponsible person..that I got suspended one time in high school, I smoke, used to go to the casino a lot, don't study enough, too materialistic, has "slept over" enough times and the list goes on...then I would feel WORTHLESS for talking to her. I pretty much give up..and accept the fact that she'll NEVER loosen up on me. But this NYE I realize I made everything WORSE...because now she said I can never ever "sleepover" AGAIN. I realize this means no parties, no clubbing, no raves, EVER. Can I get a mother's perspective on this one? I can understand grounding for "bad" behaviour like smoking if your daughter is 16...but when someone is 19 going on 20.. do you think it's really healthy for my mother to treat me like a SMALL CHILD, never mind that I have lost her trust?

I think it was a combination of the fact that i lied about where I was going (my brother was all yea..she's not really going to a sleepover) and the fact that I tried to leave the house anyways...and of course I was yelling back at them too. Can someone help me see where they're coming from? Because I really can't. Why deprive your child so much?

Am I so wrong and CRAZY for wanting to go out on NYE? I don't understand. Yesterday I told my mom I was sleeping over at a friend's house (I was really going to a rave) because it was NYE and she freaked out. I had never gone out on nye...out of respect I ALWAYS stayed home in all the previous years. Yesterday I tried to leave the house regardless of what she said because I'm tired of being deprived and overprotected in all my years of life. Then she stood in front of the door for 5 hours screaming at me like NO TOMORROW and she took my bag so I had no way to go out. She wouldn't even let me stay out at least til countdown. Then my brother started yelling too, saying how I just wanted to hurt everybody and that I don't love them. It got so RIDICULOUS and INSANE I just went into my room crying. I don't understand. I'm 19 years old. Shouldn't I be allowed to make my own decisions? It's not like we really celebrate NYE as a family anyways, so I could not see what the huge deal was. I'm not even one of those people who stay out late every night or go out everyday..my curfew is 11, and I RARELY even stay out til 11. I can't seem to make the connection between going out and breaking ties with the family (which they accused me of). Can you? Thanks for reading thus far. Things are awkward as hell at home right now. I just need someone to put all this in some kind of perspective for me. Because I seriously feel misunderstood, confined, deprived, and overprotected to the ****ing MAX.

ok update: I didn't call him.... He ended up calling me twice today (first time I didn't pick up cuz I missed his call, 2nd time he called I picked up and he asked me to a movie) so much for "call me sometime" eh lol

ok in that case when should I call ?

We met through a mutual friend and he's asked me to hang out once (just me and him) and he has followed up and shown lots of interest ever since...but last night when we were hanging out with a bunch of people he saw me talking to this one guy the whole time instead of him...I am aware of the mixed messages i sent, so this morning I saw him on msn and messaged him just to say Hi. Anyway at the end of the conversation he said "call me sometime" out of nowhere....so now I'm like "Huh?? what does that mean?" lol I always thought that "call me sometime" is just a guy's way of saying "i'm not that interested in you"

Age old question.... When a guys says "call me sometime", is he interested or not interested? If he wants you to call him, why doesn't he just pick up the phone and call YOU?

No I don't have a car...I cannot drive so I barely ever pay attention to where people park their cars myself haha Nevertheless, I find it cute though...when guys can't remember where they parked. I'm always diplomatic about it and I never use it against them or make them feel bad or embarrassed.

^lol another interesting theory I prefer this theory to my friend's theory...I would rather think that I'm being tested than dating some responsibility phobic jerk lol

^i think it's like this.....PEOPLE should be responsible to their cars. Failure to note where he parked is a sign that may point to further displays of lack of responsibilty and bigger problems down the road such as...not taking responsibility when he gets you pregnant etc..lol just an example

^haha good for you. I have yet to meet a guy who has not forgotten where he parked his car. My friend told me from her experience that the type who forgets = players and responsibility phobic...her theory is that if he is not going to bear responsibility on small things then you cannot expect responsibility from him on big things. She says that such a small thing as forgetting where he parked his car says a lot about a man's personality. LOL what do you think?