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Hollsmaur

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  1. There has only ever been 3 people in the department I work in - me, my supervisor and my coworker. We have a “head of department” above us and just recently had a new manager above the supervisor and under head of dep. I was promoted to a senior member of the department, basically being assigned more tasks than my coworker and covering my supervisor in times of absence which I really enjoyed up until a few months ago. I get paid around £100 a month more than my coworker and at least £5000 less per annum than my supervisor. my supervisor went off and had a knee operation, and was assigned for roughly 8 weeks off. I was fine with this, until she just never came back. 3 months passed and she was still not well enough to come back. I know this is of no fault of her own, but the pressure started to hit me, as we had an audit to pass, which she was expecting to be back for. Turns out she was behind on all of her tasks, so as well as having to do an audit when I’ve not been trained to do so, I also had to do her unfinished tasks that I hadn’t been trained to do either. My new department manager just told me to do it anyway so that we didn’t “fail” the audit, even though I had expressed concerns I hadn’t done it before and didn’t know what I was doing. this new manager knew nothing about the work we do or our routine as a department so as you can probably imagine, this got frustrating. I already had my own tasks to keep on top of without having to do the extras, and worse of it all.. my supervisor and me kept in contact so she knew what I was going through, and only half heartedly helped me. I’d ask her a question and she’d answer with “I think” or “I don’t know” so I was really up against it, I had to work things out for myself. I got really burnt out, I had no extra pay, and once we passed the audit, I just got a thanks over email and no other praise, so I had to go on sick leave, as it was just damaging my mental health at this point. I have been on sick leave for 6 weeks, found out my supervisor has resigned without coming back, she’s not even said goodbye to us. So of course that just leaves me and my coworker to pick the pieces up with no proper training, our management not knowing the job either - we have no support system. I have decided to leave and focus on my studies for now - My coworker has worked insanely hard to work on his own whilst I’ve been off, they’ve still piled on work to him regardless and he’s just got on with it, with no praise or support. Because of this, my coworker is now burned out and stressed, and as soon as I’ve told him im leaving, he also wants to leave because it would just be a mess of a department which he knows he will be expected to fix regardless. im planning to hand in my resignation tomorrow, should he do the same? We have both communicated we don’t want to work for the company again, but we understand this could effect references in the future. As long as we follow our terms in contract, they can’t stop us can they? we just both know they will use us until the day we leave, so wanna make sure neither one of us is left to deal with it
  2. I’ve had to acclimate in previous friendship groups before whether that be with mutual friends or ex’s friends and I have never found it this difficult before. Just seems like no matter what I do or say doesn’t help and I’m at a loss at what else I can do. This is the first time I’ve turned down a plan that involves them, I’d usually suck it up and go but I just feel so socially exhausted I don’t think I can hide my upset anymore. Maybe they just don’t like me haha
  3. Thank you. I was starting to feel as if I was the issue, as all the other girlfriends are treated fine and was thinking I could possibly be being over-sensitive.. but I don’t always feel like this with everyone I meet. Funny thing is, I’m not new to the pack and other girlfriends have been introduced after me.. and I thought maybe they don’t value my boyfriend as much as they should and thus also not valuing me? I’ve tried not to let it ruin my vacation
  4. So me and my current boyfriend have known each other for years and I actually met his friends before we were dating. They live quite far apart so he only sees said friends every few months, however the last few times we’ve all met up has felt so uncomfortable to me. I kinda feel out of place and feel like they judge me In a negative light. They will pick on things I do, things I say and mock my accent which is fine at first but starts to grate on you after a few times. im currently on vacation with my boyfriend and his friends for my boyfriends 30th birthday, and there’s a handful of things that have happened to make me feel a little crappy, such as: • his best friends girlfriend called me “ditsy”, and she didn’t mean it in a cute way, but of more of a gullable dumb way - I know this by the nature of the conversation we were having. • his best friends girlfriend also asked how I got into my job without a degree, this made me feel dumb again as if my hard work wasn’t enough for the job but these feelings could have been escalated due to the previous comment towards me. • people not listening or ignoring me in a conversation • one of his friends telling me off for swearing at a mini golf course in front of everyone because there were children around - I felt embarrassed. • overheard his bestfriend say to my boyfriend “I have standards unlike you” - he said this as a joke but I wasn’t meant to hear it. basically lots of other things that come across condescending to me. I will laugh it off and get on with it usually but after this 5 day vacation I have just ended up feeling socially anxious, like I don’t want to say anything incase it gets picked at. I have nothing in common with them and I have tried my hardest to get on with them but I just feel crappy after every occasion. I have told my boyfriend and he apologises as he feels somewhat accountable, even though I’ve said he isn’t. He’s now gone out for a meal with them all and I said I didn’t want to go as I just feel a bit socially burned out and battered. What do I do to feel better about this? I would never make him choose or give him ultimatum.. and I don’t want to make it difficult for him, but I have to put my feelings first right and not just ignore them?
  5. This guy is not worth it. Hard to accept I know - you like this guy, you want it to work out but unfortunately he’s not on the same wavelength. Usually people like him will come crawling back when you’ve moved on, been through the heartbreak and living happy and by then you won’t care about him but the only way for that to happen is for you to move on. Its gonna be hard but it gets easier with time. Transfer your energy from him onto yourself, keep busy, go out with friends! You will find someone one day that’s going to show you how you should be treated because someone who really loves you would never ghost you. he’s probably found someone else and was too coward to tell you, and you know what? It’s his loss not yours!
  6. We have a lot of stuff planned right up to October, which we’ve organised when I felt okay. Holiday with friends, weekends away etc. I’ve spent a lot of money on these occasions and just feel like I’m mainly hanging on until these times have been and gone, but at the same time I just want it to work out as he’s the loveliest person I’ve met.. but I guess I can’t force it. I’ve always enjoyed my own space and crave it a lot! It’s just hard to distinguish whether it’s just a phase or like it’s a done deal. I don’t wanna end things and then regret it😫
  7. I’ve been going through some stress recently and don’t think that’s helping. But I do think back to how I was with people I’ve dated in the past and I was actually the clingy one! So I do see a difference it’s just hard calling it quits
  8. I know, I just feel really confused because I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way but I’m quite an introvert and he’s very affectionate and I’m just not as affectionate and I feel like I’m being smothered sometimes - he knows I’m not as affectionate and not too into it but he still shows me affectionate because he likes me a lot and I guess I just don’t like him as much? he also struggles with Erectile dysfunction and we struggle to have intercourse because of it, and I think that’s contributed towards not wanting sex because it’s a lot of effort, and he’s a bit of a pillow princess so there’s definitely room for improvement in the bedroom. He’s really tried but I’ve just lost the motivation tbh. we have been dating 6 months
  9. Lol yes the liar. I forgave him for that and he’s not lied since (as far as I’m aware). Not sure if that is contributing to the way I feel now
  10. My boyfriend is a really nice guy, so kind, generous and treats me like a princess. However, over the last few weeks I’ve just not been “feeling it”. I have no desire to have sex with him, I sort of cringe when he touches me and can feel my body trying to avoid a kiss when he goes in for it. Now this has come out of nowhere.. he’s always been the same it’s just like I’ve developed it over night and it won’t budge. I thought that maybe I just need some space from him as we see each other everyday, so we spoke about it and he understood and even though I’m spending less time with him I’m still feeling like this. I hate it, it makes me feel guilty and he’s such a good guy it would be a shame to call it quits on a good and healthy relationship. I just don’t know if this feeling will ever shake off or if I’m simply just not into him anymore? Any thoughts?
  11. I feel like this could well be the case if I look back on the things he’s lied about before. Or I feel he’ll lie to stop himself looking/feeling an idiot in front of me. I had it out with him and told him I don’t like liars, like no matter what the lie is if it’s that easy to lie to me then it’s not healthy. It’s a really sensitive topic and I don’t want to say he’s not a victim of abuse because like you say I’ll never actually know the real truth, but my minds boggled on how he could still add a lie about a situation, continue that lie on for months and months and then still lie to my face even when I accuse him of lying to me to then only admitting it when he has nothing else to get out of it. He doesn’t quite understand how his lie has effected me. He knows I’m an overthinker at the best of times. I fear I may just be over analysing and second guessing most things he says now.
  12. I have known my boyfriend for 2 years and we were best friends for all that time before becoming boyfriend and girlfriend 3 months ago. He’s seen me through all my good and all my bad times, knows everything about me. I have been honest with him with things I’m ashamed of and I really put my trust in him. About a year and half ago, he told me he was in an abusive relationship, his ex would apparently hit him, and he said he was even raped by her (without going into too much detail, he said she had penetrated him e.g peg). I had been in a mentally unstable/abusive relationship myself before and felt so awful for him, I couldn’t get it out of my head for months and offered him my support. He mentioned it again a few times after, and I made sure I was really careful of his feelings whilst we got intimate. However, yesterday we were having a conversation and said ex came into it, but the story of him being abused had changed.. I went along with it to see if the story kept changing which it did. He said his ex forced herself on him when he said he didn’t want to have sex, and forced his penis into her, he never mentioned being pegged without consent. I went on to ask him if that’s all that happened, and he said yes. It was almost as if for a second he’d forgot he’d ever told me about it. I then asked him about whether she’d pegged with no consent, and he then told me she did peg him but he said yes to it. I called him out on calling it rape before and he started stuttering and eye contact went out of the window, saying it might have been rape it might not have been.. so he carried on lying to me until I finally got him to admit that he’d lied about the pegging all together. I’m now questioning why he would lie about it and what else could he have lied about? This isn’t the first lie I’ve caught him out on, he’s done a few white lies in the past. Back then he told me he wouldn’t lie to me again but now I’ve just found this out. He says he was abused and raped but just wasn’t how he originally said, and it’s quite a serious thing and I’m not accusing him of making the whole situation up altogether but then again how do I know he hasn’t lied about the whole thing? I can’t trust him and I’m not sure how I can move on from this. What would you do?
  13. So I found out the guy I’ve been seeing has ADHD last night. Now I feel a lot of things make sense about his behaviours like his time management and attention to detail on 1 thing at a time. He says he feels he’s grown out of it a lot since he was a child but still has traits there. I have done a lot of research over night to try and understand it more and to see what trials and tribulations may come with dating someone with ADHD, but I wanted to ask on here too to see what other people’s experiences are or hear from people who have ADHD themselves and what it’s like. He also said he feels “calm and peaceful” around me, is this a good thing when you have ADHD? I am curious 🙂
  14. I was hurt with how he told me to leave after he asked if I was staying the night. He gave me the choice then took it away from me shortly after😫 he does ring me when he finishes work every night without fail, this is why it’s difficult for me. I’ve been a booty call before and it’s totally different. I seen him all weekend last weekend and it was the time of the month (TMI) and we just enjoyed each others company. I was just a bit hurt with the turn of events from today😫
  15. Yes. We’ve been on 3 day/night dates since we met a month ago.. we were meant to go on a date last night but we both agreed to just get a bunch of snacks and watch old cartoons as he was tired from working in the day, and that was my doing because he got dressed up to go out with me but I didn’t wanna be dragging him out if he felt exhausted so I told him I’d be fine with a night in
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