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rtyu4567

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  1. You should know that it is pretty awesome not to walk on egg shells anymore or be around someone who gives you the silent treatment and makes you feel like it's all your fault. Thanks for the freedom and lessons and for helping me figure out what I want in a partner.
  2. Ah jeez, I can't do this no more.....I won't freakin call you. I won't, I wont. I thought we were going to last forever. I did not think you would give up, I thought you were going to put in the effort. Shoot!!! hurting at the moment. again hurting again. I have to.......no I will.........get through this. I can't believe it's over.
  3. Miss the crap out of you.........do you even know how much you were loved? A**s h@#E!!
  4. Back to square one. Starting over after contact. But I'm going to put one foot in front of the other and do it! I can't just hang around beating myself up because I screwed up, Live and learn and hopefully I will learn. Accepting the the NC challenge for me Today I had my last contact with him. Tomorrow is a brand new day with a brand new start!
  5. I did not think it was going to be this tough, I really didn't. Hurts a lot. I miss you, I miss the good times. But I also remember the bad. You probably think I'm going to break and call or text you, but don't hold your breath. I will not add to my current pain, yes it hurts but contacting you will be excruciating.
  6. I can't believe it's over. Wow, how could this be. Day 10 today is a rough one but I won't contact him. I did unblock him earlier in the hopes that he would reach out to me. There were a lot of bad time, today I seem to be missing the good times and the companionship. I thought he was the one, I really did. I keep asking myself, how could this happen. Everything went to crap. How? I ask, there was so much love there, I know there was, he knew it too. We told each other, even 2 weeks ago that we both could not quite comprehend how something so good went to bad. But, I was willing to keep fight for us, him not so much, he grew tired and I think fearful as well for many reasons like arguments were getting out of hand, we no longer saw eye to eye, both getting older and afraid to waste time, distance between homes and topics of finances began cropping up. Still, I really believed that if we loved each the way we said we did that we could save this. But, here I am without him, knowing that he is probably getting over me and moving forward or coming to terms with the break up. Many times I feel confident I am coming to terms but than there are days like today. I just wish I could cry it all out like I was doing a few weeks ago.
  7. Wow, you didnt even give it a good try. So easy for you to give up without a good fight! I miss what could have been. Wish some sort of miracle would occur. I really loved you.
  8. Yea, I miss you, but the bad times and the hurt you caused will not be dismissed. You blamed everything on me, but I stand firm on that you had a whole lot to do with it. You pointed fingers at me always to help you feel better. But, I stand firm on the truth, I just was not good enough and too much work in your eyes, which tells me you are not worthy of my contact anymore and that I am putting myself first for now on. No more dialing or texting PAIN!
  9. Hurting tonight for you, I miss you and I can't stand you. But, I wont call you. What the F is wrong with you, are you so self involved that you couldnt see what you had, I freaking loved you, I mean really loved you, I fell for you bad and you F'd it all up!!!! I wish I would have never met you!!! I want to be over you!!!! How could you be so stupid. Maybe you never loved me.........as soon as you saw that it was going to take a little work and a little fight to maintain this relationship you started pulling away. Empty dreams, empty plans, empty devotions, I should have known, you let your ex wife walk away, and you let your Fiance walk away...........I wasn't either one of those things to you, of course you were going to let me walk away too. You are looking for perfection in a woman and when you begin to see how imperfect we are you begin to look for excuses that will ultimately end things. You destroyed everything!!!!Yup I'm hurting bad again tonight but through all the hurt I'm not blind!!!!! And I wont Fn call or text you!!!! It's over!!!!
  10. I didn't contact you this weekend you SOB, I know you loved it when you heard me distraught crying on the phone. Especially on weekends sat n sun were the toughest for me, but I made it through the weekend and you are not going to soothe yourself at my expense anymore. Get use to it buddy because I will not be contacting you anymore. I will prevail through my sadness and come out on the other side, I was too good for you! I offered you something solid, but it was not enough for you. Now you can screw yourself, you probably expected me never to stop contacting you and you loved every minute of it. NO MORE!!
  11. You were an experience that is all you were, and one of my worst experiences at that, with some good moments intertwined. I will not give you anymore ego strokes and text you to tell you I miss you or make small talk so you can feed me little stale crumbs of hope. Screw that, yea I loved you, still do, but I am going to love myself more. I have something in me that his genuine and amazing and I offered it to you but you were too self centered to see. So now when I'm good and ready I will offer it to someone else in the future who is deserving of it and will cherish it. Oh sweetie.......I won't be texting you noooooooooo more!!!! I will think of some of the good times, but now I will make sure that those thoughts are followed by thinking of the bad times too. I stand firm on my convictions that you contributed hugely to our demise. Boy oh boy you tried so hard to blame it all on me and make yourself out to be some kind of saint, but it ain't happening and somehow I think that is one of the reasons you never came back, because I got your number, the jig is up.
  12. I would have loved you forever. You gave up too easily. You gave money and material things more importance than me. How could you be such a fool? How?? I freakin loved you, I wasn't perfect but I would have made you happy if only you would have seen your faults and stop only focusing on mine, we could of done this together. You screwed it all up!!!
  13. Someone tell me to stop!! I just texted him three times, not begging but expressing my views on some of the things I observed in him while together that were not nice at all. I guess it really does not matter why. Point is I did then quickly after I blocked him so I would not read his reply's. Ridiculous. I am feening for my first time therapy appt tomorrow, I can't wait. I don't want to text him anymore I really don't it serves me no purpose, yes it helps release some inner thoughts that torture me but I know there is or has to be a healthier way.
  14. If you cared you would change, if you really wanted me you would show me, just like you once did when you cared and wanted me. If there is one thing I learned about you is that when you want something you do what you can to have it or at least you try. But, there's nothing. Just empty words via text that have been sent and replies that boost your ego, and my heart crushed over and over again. Note to self: Stop!! Let it go!! trust the process of letting go!!
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