sundayrain

day4 (16 days since BU) restarting NC and hope that this time it will last longer. first NC lasted for a week, before he contacted me. today i took it all in me to not text him. hormones like to mess with the head and the heart, making things way harder than they are. CONTROL YOURSELF GURLL . even if we do talk, things may get awkward and forced. so why put myself in the situation. i just want to hear his voice so that i can feel better and be soothed, but i dont want to be that needy girl anymore. he is not my crutch - only i can make myself feel better. they say to take it one day at a time when going through a break up. but IMO, its really to take each moment as they are. i can feel okay one minute, and then spiral down in the next. but i will get stronger, yes.

i am going to stop letting you have control over my feelings. i have to start my journey of letting go and healing. i love you and you are a great guy, but we are not what the other needs. i hope that you find happiness for yourself because despite everything, i will always care for you. and i know that you do for me too, and that is why we made this decision to part ways. ive had you for the best 5 years of my life and i am forever grateful for that. -H

i know you are going through a phase in life now where you need to find yourself. im heartbroken that i couldnt be the one to be there for you in this period. no matter where you are in life right now, i hope you are happier now cos this is all that i want for you. i hope that one day all this sacrifices will make sense and turn out okay. i hope that when the right time comes, we will both know that what we did was for the best for both of us.

day #4. reality hitting me like a truck. for the past few days i was still hoping that he would change his mind. that he just needed his space. but after coming to this forum, i understand better that NC is the time for ME to heal. feeling abit panicky and upset today. missing the ex but i will try to get through this.