I’ll condense this down as much as possible, but there’s some weird moving parts: On NYE, I was out with with my partner and her group of friends at a concert. We had all met up at a restaurant beforehand, and after about an hour, there some gasps and whispers among a couple of her friends. This friend (let's call him Bob) had shown up at the restaurant, and apparently my partner and and he had gone on one date a couple of days before she and I got back together. She pulls me aside, seeming very concerned, and explained the situation, that nothing happened between them, it was only one date, she wasn’t interested, they commiserated over past relationships, etc. I seriously didn’t think anything of it, chalking the gasps and whispers up to some friend drama. During the show later, he was in a circle of people I was talking to, became fairly passive aggressive, shoving his face inches from mine, commenting ‘jeez man, you can’t even look me in the eye…’ (wasn't speaking to him at the time) Continued with the odd behavior as the night went on. I chalked it up to him being intoxicated, and harmless. He was around through the concert and with us all at the NYE party afterwards until the wee hours of the morning.
Anyway, and this might be TMI, but a couple of nights ago, my partner and I were being, shall we say, ‘adult’ via text, as we haven’t seen each other in a week. Out of the blue, she texts, “Omg I have to tell you a funny message I got from Bob tonight. All good nothing weird. He basically was like, give me raw feedback. But then ended up telling me he hates dating and wanted genuine feedback. But here’s the wild turn…he FaceTimed or almost dated Megan” (I had dated her for a couple of months about 5-6 years ago)”…not sure how he knew you two were connected unless she mentioned it.”
All of it, especially considering the TIMING of the comment threw me. The entire situation just seems very....off. Has my instinct ringing like an alarm. Timing, plus the odd reaction of people at the gathering, as well as everything else just makes it feel like things are not adding up in any realistic way... Stranger still: he apparently met online and was chatting with 'Megan', randomly? We live in a fairly large metropolitan city. The odds that he would by sheer chance go out with someone I dated years ago, let alone KNOW that we dated (about 5 months), admitted to 'stalking' (not sure if he's referring to her or me?) and feel the need to bring it up to my current girlfriend?
All of that coupled with the sheer bad taste of him drunkenly texting her for relationship advice, the fact that she says they don't really know each other, yet she’s committing to helping him with his dating life, the gasps on NYE, adds a layer of questions to the whole thing. The whole thing has me twisted, and I’m really trying to make sure I’m not feeling odd for no reason. But I also didn’t want to ignore my gut.
So I asked if we could talk about it because things didn't seem to make sense, and I felt like I might not have the full story. And it was a bit of a mess. I made a point not to make any accusation; just state that the situation seemed strange. She was instantly defensive and combative, and it was mostly a conversation around her saying I was accusing her of something, instead of my wanting to talk with her about my concerns. Circles and circles struggling to get her to even hear that I find a one-time-date friend-of-a-friend drunkenly reaching out for feedback on his dating strategies, while contacting my ex of 5 years and passing that along to my current partner (he literally said ‘I was doing a bit of stalking’ 🤨) more than a bit…strange. I had hoped it would have been more sympathetic if we both had the same information, but it was a lot of my trying to explain that I wasn’t looking to her to explain what she didnt know, and wishing she could see it from my point of view, and think about how she would feel in a similar situation.
Anyway, after an hour+ of trying to justify why I was feeling a bit unsettled about the entire situation, I said “I really wanted to make sure I wasn’t giving in to emotional reflexes, so I ran it by a couple of people, and they agreed that the situation was worth bringing up.” I think that was a crossing of the Rubicon, as she ended the conversation fairly quickly after that.
There's been a couple of conversations since then, and each has been worse than the last. Usually ending with half-hearted apology followed by her saying things like "there isn't just my behavior" and "it takes two to tango".
I'm not jumping to any conclusions, I'm just confused by EVERYONE'S behavior. Am I out of line for having some questions around the original situation? And idea why she would be so defensive (we typically talk issues through very well, and are considerate to each others feelings)? Why would she even start the conversation with 'all good, nothing weird'? Should I be MORE concerned? Less? Definitely in the weeds here... And damn, sorry for the loooong post...
