MissCanuck

Let things unfold naturally. A conversation about it beforehand would likely feel very awkward for both of you. And keep in mind many women are just as insecure about themselves once their clothes come off and their lovers see it all: we might be wondering what he thinks of the extra lumps and bumps, the stretch marks, the size and colouring of various body parts, and so on. My point is, most of us have our body issues. Think of how you feel about her, despite the extra weight she is currently carrying - she will probably feel the same way about you, despite your own concern over your size.

You weren't in a relationship with her, Absy. And there is no telling if she will be honest with you or even reply to you. The reason I asked what you want to say to her was to encourage you to write it out here rather than messaging her about it. It won't help you move on. It will serve to keep you stuck when A) she replies with someone that upsets you, B) she doesn't reply at all, or C) you later kick yourself for seeking closure from someone you have never even met. You really need to let go of this idea.

What is it you want to say to her?

It sounds suspect, considering the women have already met. Personally, I would not endorse this private meeting. It doesn't sound right. What does your finacée think?

This is how you know he isn't the right guy for you. You shouldn't need to to reassure a partner of their own feelings towards you. You two have tried but it's not working. Give yourself the gift of freedom from this, and girl, go enjoy the best Japan has to offer!

According to who, him? How did you manage to listen to one of their private conversations?

If he's already losing feelings after just one month, then yes, I would say a break-up is inevitable. I am sorry. It hurts but it's going to hurt a lot more to stay with a guy who doesn't really want to be there anymore.

This man is abusing you. Please, don't waste your life on him. Start making a plan to safely exit this relationship, and start now.

Is there another window you can look out of when you're trying to calm your anxiety? Surely not all the windows in your home directly face his. Wondering if he ever meant what he said is also keeping you stuck. You can see he has moved on, and while it hurts, you also need to stop tormenting yourself with questions you will never really get the answers to.

I was just going to say the same thing. The one with the big crush is him.

There is no way this relationship is going to work out now.

I wouldn't even bother with this friend, then. I would aim outside your work crowd altogether to find dates. This all sounds too nebulous and with the potential to become very awkward.

But does it feel any better getting an answer by baiting him like this?

In the future, please don't go the route of "testing" someone like this. Learn to use your words and speak up for yourself. Now you know he's not all that interested in you, but you could have approached it more maturely. There is no need to hide behind a screen to figure out if someone has more serious intentions with you.

OP, if you like the woman you talk about in this thread, it makes no sense to go asking about her friend that she supposedly wanted to set you up with.