MissCanuck

What sort of family conversations are you having where sexual fetishes are discussed, especially when you were just 17 years old when you found out about this?

Dude. Re-read what you just wrote here. This is your desperation speaking. This is you grasping at any straws to make this okay with yourself. But my guy, you need to get real here. What you describe above would be terribly damaging and not strengthen anything. She is into you, but not enough. Not the way someone needs to be to really have a strong relationship. Her heart and mind aren't with you enough for another man not to intrude. She has space for someone else in there, which is why you very likely wouldn't have had the future you dream of. Exactly. You were her rebound.

No, but you need to work more on yourself than figuring her out. A person with a healthy sense of self-worth would have gotten rid of her by now. You need to get to the bottom of why you haven't. She didn't mold you this way.

You haven't done anything. This "friend" of yours has. He made what he probably thought was a joke but it was rude and insensitive. I can't fathom why people in your class are angry about this - do you live in a very conservative culture or something? In any case, you need to rethink this friendship. He sounds like an immature jerk. What's common, a foot fetish? How do you know this about family members?

Why are you with someone like this? Forget about diagnosing her. Focus on figuring out your own issues. You've got something inside you that needs addressing if you are still dating a person displaying such significant red flags. Are you lonely? Do you suffer from poor self-esteem?

Don't put yourself through this. This is a dead end. The fact that she is even considering going back to her ex tells you she is not your future. Her feelings for you just aren't strong enough, and that is the fundamental problem. Whether or not she and ex reunite, you would always know she isn't as into you as she needs to be to sustain a relationship long-term with you. If she were, another man would not be able to turn her head like this. I'm sorry, man. You need to let her go. It's not going to work.

Sorry, I am a little confused about how this happened. He had his phone open the whole time and close enough that you could hear, but she didn't notice?

You have tried, though. She is not willing to meet you half-way and your efforts have been refused. It is unclear what you are still doing there. It's time to end it and have a bit more self-respect, man.

To clarify, have you never been to therapy?

Let things unfold naturally. A conversation about it beforehand would likely feel very awkward for both of you. And keep in mind many women are just as insecure about themselves once their clothes come off and their lovers see it all: we might be wondering what he thinks of the extra lumps and bumps, the stretch marks, the size and colouring of various body parts, and so on. My point is, most of us have our body issues. Think of how you feel about her, despite the extra weight she is currently carrying - she will probably feel the same way about you, despite your own concern over your size.

You weren't in a relationship with her, Absy. And there is no telling if she will be honest with you or even reply to you. The reason I asked what you want to say to her was to encourage you to write it out here rather than messaging her about it. It won't help you move on. It will serve to keep you stuck when A) she replies with someone that upsets you, B) she doesn't reply at all, or C) you later kick yourself for seeking closure from someone you have never even met. You really need to let go of this idea.

What is it you want to say to her?

It sounds suspect, considering the women have already met. Personally, I would not endorse this private meeting. It doesn't sound right. What does your finacée think?

This is how you know he isn't the right guy for you. You shouldn't need to to reassure a partner of their own feelings towards you. You two have tried but it's not working. Give yourself the gift of freedom from this, and girl, go enjoy the best Japan has to offer!

According to who, him? How did you manage to listen to one of their private conversations?