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katrina1980

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katrina1980 last won the day on August 23 2019

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  1. Deleted. Decided to start a separate thread about it.
  2. I watched “Ben is Back” last night. Wow, what a fabulous movie!! Julia Roberts gave the best performance I have ever seen! I was a bit confused/disappointed at the end – not knowing whether Ben lived or died. I think he may have awoken, but my boyfriend believes he died. Anyway, it’s about the very serious opioid crisis in America currently (not sure if it’s same for other countries) but it’s very very serious here. Ben had an accident when he was 14 and his doctor placed him on pain meds, kept increasing the dosage and he became addicted, as sooo many others have become for the same reason. Doctors doling out this stuff like it’s candy for goodness sakes. Anyway, I won't spoil it in case you want to watch, I really enjoyed it!
  3. Hey again reinvent, happy friday! I won't bombard you with questions this time, I promise, I just want to add my two cents re your post above. My take on what J wrote very much aligns with mine. Which is, and this applies to anything really, when your partner shares something with you (like your bf did here), the time to ask about it is right then and there -- NOT in a confrontational way, but as a caring girlfriend who is interested in knowing who is friends are, male or female. IMO, it's a bit late to ask about it now, cause yes I agree with you, asking now would give it more importance than it deserves. But right when it happens? No it's not giving it any type of importance, or being confrontational or needy or any of that, you're simply communicating with your boyfriend. In this case, he mentioned going for beers with a friend. Instead of simply asking in a light-hearted way, innocent way, "oh yeah, who is she, do I know her, what's her name?" or any of the questions Jibralta posted, all of which would open the door for communication, you said nothing, but then became a bit anxious about it, wondering about it, and posted here. Anyway, it's all water under the bridge now, you're over it, that's obvious. I am also not trying to tell you how to conduct your relationship, you know best what's right for you, just food for thought moving forward.
  4. I know, I kinda bombarded you there didn't I. My brain is and has been on total overdrive these past few, so is my body, spinning around, running around, I am a total crazy girl these days. Called doctor today, appointment tomorrow. Anyway, thanks for taking the time to answer and am glad to hear everything is amazing!
  5. >>He calls me yesterday at work to tell me of the before game plan out of courtesy and then shares with me that only one team member has decided to go and it just so happens it's only the two of them that will be getting bite to eat and cruising his neighborhood farmers market. You know where this is going. It's a team member that's a woman. Hey again reinvent, I could be way off about this, but hear me out. I am a bit curious, since he referred to this person as only a "friend," how you found out this friend was a woman? And a gay woman. I am also struggling with the concept that this was a "date-like" event. Grabbing a beer with a friend, at a local farmer's market -- obviously, if two people were out on a date and chose to go there, it would be a "date." But on the other hand, two friends grabbing a beer before a game could be viewed as just that -- two friends grabbing a beer before the game. The venue doesn't make a difference imo, it's how they both view what's happening. And in this case, they were two friends grabbing a beer. I am also wondering why, when he referred to this person as a "friend" without providing her name, you didn't just ask, oh who is it? I mean at that point, you didn't know whether it was a he or she, correct? At which point he could have provided her name (or his name had it been a male friend), who she/he is, how long they have been friends, etc. >>He's not playing next Tuesday night so it will be a couple weeks now before this comes up again. It likely won't matter then. But I am pretty sure I will ask him if she has a name. Yeah you could do that or you could avoid the sarcasm by simply asking him what the person's name is. I don't think that is intrusive at all. You're interested in who is friends are, as his girlfriend, that is totally legit. In any event, I am glad you have concluded it's much to do about nothing. How is everything else going? It's been about two years, correct? I hope all is well and that you're truly happy together. :)
  6. Reinvent, I am going to ask you the same question I would ask a brand new poster who posted this on the general forum. Would this bother you if this gay woman was a man? You know it's been said a zillion times, we cannot control our partner's actions, what they choose to do/don't do, we can only control how we react to it. I think it's speaks volumes that he trusts you enough to share these things w you, and also that he broke plans w her to have dinner w you and your sons. I am a bit confused about something though -- what did you mean when you said "ok, she's gay, but is he assumimg?" Is he assuming what? Anyway, if me I would let this go, but I'm curious if there is something a bit deeper going on in your relationship and subconsciously you're using this situation to mask that deeper issue. I am not invalidating your feelings, you feel how you feel, but based on what you've posted, this does not seem like that big of deal to me, unless I'm missing something, which based on how I've been feeling lately, is quite possible.
  7. Moving forward, all you can do is continue observing and paying attention to his actions, and whether or not his words match those actions. When we're infatuated and falling in love, it's very easy to take his "words" at face value, but there is a lot going on here under the surface that's not being addressed. As objective observers, based on what you've shared, many of us can see it, but you can't which I totally understand; I myself lived in a sort of never-never land for many years w my ex. After 5.5 years, we even got engaged, planning a beautiful wedding in Hawaii. Never realizing, all that time, he had a sort of "hidden agenda" that I knew nothing about. Partly my fault for refusing to take those "rose colored glasses" off, and I take responsibility for that. Lesson learned. I am not saying your bf is not being legit, he very well may be, and as he said, and you agreed, things just need to "normalize." I hope so! I will say that my relationship with my current bf started off pretty intense too, lots of texting, late night calls, lots and lots of sex. But after some time, there was a gradual lessening of that. There was no him suddenly putting on the breaks, or having a "wobble" or making any sort of issue about it. In your case, this all seems like unnecessary drama imo, which could be indicative iof deeper issues on his part that were firmly set way before you came along, and your issues as well to which you've admitted. So again, just continue observing actions, dial it back a bit, and lower expectations. Stop discussing it (gets old and is draining) and simply enjoy your developing relationship with your feet firmly on the ground. Let it play out gradually and organically -- no pushing. I really do hope this all works out for you, I truly do. Best of luck to both of you!
  8. LOL!! Thanks for that blue, I was in dire need of a huge chuckle today, that did the trick! In fact, I nearly spit the diet coke I am drinking outta my mouth (bad girl for drinking that crap, I know). Ok in all seriousness, that was a really great post imo; I 100% agree with everything you said.
  9. Please don't be afraid to move in with your bf reinvent. Your RL is solid, if there are any issues, you're aware of them, he's aware of them, there is nothing lying beneath the surface there, right? I do know how you feel though, my bf and I are going through the same thing, which I think is normal and healthy actually. Just don't let it paralyze you from deepening your commitment to each other cause that's not healthy for your relationship imo.
  10. I've seen it too, but allow me to clarify. What I think was odd was the reason she left; I mean surely she must have known or at least suspected she has an attraction to women way before she decided to get married, no? Of course I am just assuming that is marshmallow meant when she said "lifestyle change," I could be wrong! Anyway, yeah I've seen and heard of couples dating for years too, living together even, but then they get married, making that huge commitment, and it all breaks down. I am of the opinion that one or both has, and has always had, commitment issues on some level anyway; as long as they were dating or just living together, all was fine, but then once married making that huge commitment, their "issues" came to the surface and he/she/both realized they simply weren't comfortable with it, didn't want it, so ended it.
  11. So she dated him for years, married him, then left him after only a few months, because she had a lifestyle change (i.e just a guess, realized she likes women)? Ok, bizarre but fair enough. So I guess the issue now is why he came on like gangbusters in the beginning, but is now introducing space and distance into your relationship, which is the same type of RL he had with his ex while dating, and apparently while married too. One filled with space and distance. Or did it only become distant after they got married? A bit confused by that. Marshmallow, I know you really want to believe in him, and I have no doubt he's a good guy, not intentionally stringing you along, and this all may be about you both finding the right balance, I hope so!! But it's important to pay attention to everything, past and present, things that may feel uncomfortable for you to consider and acknowledge. I mean he can tell you anything he wants, does not necessarily make it true unless backed up with action, so stay open, keep observing, pull back a bit and lower expectations. Let this play out with both feet firmly on ground. Remember, you've only known him for six months.
  12. Maybe but I still find it questionable that he dated his wife for years (with a lot of space/distance built in) but then after marriage, after making such a huge commitment, the marriage crumbled after only a few months. And now, after coming on so strong, he's now introducing space and distance into his relationship with marshmallow. I think this is telling and not something to be dismissed by saying "he just needs to be single for awhile." There is something deeper going on there, again jmo.
  13. Ok, thanks for checking and clarifying Bat. I actually agree with you, perhaps for different reasons, but I agree. I think he has commitment issues (in general), and by choosing this two year waiting route, he gets to avoid commitment without looking like the "bad" guy. He can blame it all on the rules and laws of his country, and come out looking like a peach. Heck it's what I initially thought before delving more into it. And I think he's had these issues long before he met marshmallow, and will continue to have them with every woman he dates, until he does some major introspection and/or seeks therapy to determine why. JMO.
  14. Yeah, I think we all pretty much got that Bat, but thanks for reiterating.
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