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jmantra

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jmantra last won the day on September 16 2006

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About jmantra

  • Birthday 06/23/1983

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  1. Quit going around acting like you're the victim when you're the one who dumped me and cheated on me during our relationship. Quit telling everybody that I am stalking you when I barely talk to you ( and when I know you have people spying on my social media page) All I want for you to pay me the money you owe me because you were too irresponsible to pay your rent. I'd rather not go to court and I would like to move on with my life please. WHy can't you just be a responsible, even though in your mind I am a man child, screw you!. I hope your multiple sclerosis kills you slowly and painfully and you get sent to hell where you will never see your son ever again.
  2. No I won't my life doesn;t really affect that many people. And my family? I am sure with the right support they will move on, alot of people's children die everyday. They say that suicide is the ultimate act of selfishness, what more selfish suicide or sitcking around just for sake others and not having to rock the craddle? Why stick around anyways, so second hand relatives and acquantancies have someone they can look down on? uh uh I don;t think so bub. And besides if things improve I most likely will not carry through anyway. My Parents aren;t exactly well off themselves, and my dad is very frugile about loaning money he's loaned me enough for school, and I can;t get a loan cause my credit is shot to hell.
  3. My Daily Routine: I force myself out of bed Thinking to myself ("Whats the point?") I go to my job which I enjoy but pays jack and is only part time. I am pretty much the IT department so I get to help a bunch of computer illierates with their silly little computer problems, like how to send an email using outlook, and how to find a document on their hard drive. I really like the people but their computer illiteracy irks me to no end. Of course I try not to show this as it could be detrimental to my job. I've been sending out Resumes to try find another job but I feel like I am just spinning my wheels. My whole life feels like this, and I feel as if any second I am gonna collapse... I am 23 years old and still live with my parents so that means I get to deal with my family and their bull * * * * as soon I get home. I get to hear my domineering 11 year old sister yell, demand things, critisize me, and occasional call me and other people names. Whenever I try to explain her behavior to my mom, who is the queen of denial BTW, she tries to rationalize her behavior by saying: "You're all older so she feels she has to comepte with you guys" It's always "our" fault never hers.Their is absolutely no excuse for her behavior. Then you have my 21 year old sister who is even more emotionally immature and unstable then the eleven year old. She doesn't know how to drive nor does she have a job. She is very demanding and curses a lot. It's really demoralizing to hear. Then you have my Dad who have resented for many years. He helps me out but is extremely criticial, demeaning and at times verbally abusive growing up. He even does it to my mom. I can't stand it, I wanna move out, but don;t have the financial means, their's really no relatives I can stay with (atleast none I can trust). You would think I can get away from all this just by going out with some buddies for a drink or with a girlfriend?? EHH!HHH!!!! Wrong again! Most of my friends IRL are either away at school, too busy with school and work, or have turned on me all together. And a girlfriend? forget it! A lot of outlet is with people online but the place I go to hang out alot of people aren't fond of me because of some silly internet relationship gone wrong?? Pathetic on all of our parts, eh?? And just to add iceing to the cake I am in debt up to my ears. Not only do I have student loans out of my * * *, but I got credit cards, and other unpaid bills. I can't take any of this anymore. That why the suicide idea has been floating in my head lately, but don't worry I am not going to do anything drastic just yet. I am giving things til June 23, my 24th birthday, otherwise Sianora! They say suicide is a cowardly act but what is more cowardly, continueing to live your life as a loser, or knowing when it's best to throw in the towel and go out with atleast some dignity intact? They also say those who commit suicide go to hell, even though I am a recent born again Evangelical Christian, I am having alot of doubts about the validity of religion. If 'God' is so filled with love why would he condemn someone who commits suicide to hell? Also if God is about love how come we have to praise, worship, and serve. And if religion is truly the basis of all life, then why their so many religions? wouldn;t their be one authoriative religion? A lot of pain, wars, and violence could be erradicated if we eliminate the mass delusion that is religion. I have been in and out therapy, different medications, and psych hospitals for depression, it never gets better.Antidepressiants only help so much and therapy is such a waste of time, they (the therapists) don't even know what the hell they;re talking about half time. It doesn;t solve anything. I can't take this anymore, so I am giving life one last chance. Hopefully things will improve, otherwise this life expires June 23, 2007. Wish me luck everyone.
  4. I have reason to believe a friend of mine is talking bad about me behind my back. I am too tired to elaborate right now. Anyhow it's always been my personal belief that if you have a problem with someone, especially if they are a childhood friend, that they should talk to me about it. Does anyone have some advice how about how i can bring this up to him?
  5. I hate this I am not only lonely in the romantic realm but lonely in general. Don't have too many friends and call and hang out with. Plus I am stuck in the house because of a snow storm. Plus Valentine;s day is so pointless why not show love for your SO everyday???
  6. Man I feel like a piece of crap everyone so far on this board has moved out either around my age or younger. I feel like I am a loser and that their is something cause I am not making the same strides as everyone else. I got out of technical college back in April 2006 expected to get a really great high paying job. Well things didn't work out and while the job I do have is my field and I really enjoy it, It just doesn't pay enough Got it's so frustrating you go to college expecting you'll get out and be successful, have your own place and be independent. But then things don't turn out that way, and now I feel like a loser. I hate to beat on myself like this, but what is this pathetic loser of a "man" supposed to do??
  7. I agree I think a PFA and a trip to the local mental ward is in order here.
  8. Thanks for the insight meantime made me a feel a bit better about my situation. I was quite baffled and hurt when I called her this morning. I emailed her this morning asking what was up, I tried to be nice about it of course, but whether she gives me an explanation or not, i think doing what she did was more about her than it was about me and was probably for the best. Thank you all for the advice you've all been wonderful.
  9. So trying to find out the reason someone says one thing and does another is stalking??? I don't think so. Blocking my number is a bit extreme IMO and I'd atleast like to know why... if she tells me to F off I can deal with that and move on.
  10. lol how bout that and women complain men are mean? hippocrits, sorry for the anger ladies but I am really hurt and frustrated right now
  11. I did, but I did it because I felt she was growing distant we were in LD relationship (she's in England, I am Pennsylvania, USA) it was hard to see each other so i decided it was best to end it. She said she wanted to remain friends so I said ok. I kind of miss her though, not as a g/f but I really enjoyed talking to her. She's a great person. I am just not sure what provoked her to do that? Even if it does have something to do with her fiancee I wish she would just let me know, barring my number seems extreme to me as if I was threatening her or something
  12. I haven't spoken to my ex in months and i decided to call her to see how her holidays went and say hi, well it turns out my number is barred! We ended on good terms as far as I know and like I said I haven't spoken to her in months so it's not like I was stalking her. But the fact that she blocked my number makes me feel like some sort of monster. If she doesn't want anything to do with me, I can deal with that and move on, but I wish she would just be frank with me. I can't stand dishonesty and ambiguity, if she would just tell me why I will leave her alone and cease contact. One thing she is engaged I am not sure that has anything to do with it, maybe she just wants to put the past behind her and cease contact, but I wish she would just let me know. I am not some psycho stalker but she made me feel like one today.
  13. "Oh my boyfriend destroys my possesions, can't hold his own end financially, broke into my car, and knocks me around but I still love him he's such a great guy" image removed image removed
  14. So a person who is shy and/or eccentric is untrustworthy and won't be as pleasent as your average extrovert???
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