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JoyceVib

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  1. Hi guys, Lately Ive been dating and I feel ready for something serious. But the times I find a guy I like and find interesting, when I ask at a certain point what their view is on where they stand in being open for a relationship, they say they are not that serious about it. I dont know where it goes wrong. Last time I met a guy and I never felt a click like that. We matched in personality, hobbies, interest, actually we matched in pretty much everything. He showed a lot of interest in me and my life and planned every date, not many days in between one another. I did notice sometimes he mentioned his ex and when I asked he told me they broke up two months ago. Together, because they found out they werent a match. It bothered me a little, I had it before that someone broke up 4 months before (also after 2,5 years of a relationship) and found out while dating me he wasnt over her yet. When I started asking he said he was ok about it. He wants to see where things go between us and that he likes me. Also that he doesnt fall in love fast so doesnt know really. And when I mentioned I wanna take things easy he said: "maybe Im more not serious then serious". So I had my answer. My problem is that I just can really start to like a guy (and this is already hard to find while dating), and when I do finally meet someone I match with, and often a couple of dates ask what they are looking for, so far it has always been "something not serious". It tricks me a little, because they show so much interest, without us even having sex, and when I pop the question they back off. Am I doing something wrong? I really wonder. Im getting so tired of this dating life. I always feel after I asked the question on where they stand, from there its a no go. Did I ask too soon (usually around date 3/4)? It really feels like that.
  2. Tha k Thank you for your reply! Ironically enough he just asked me for another date, haha! So I didnt blew it at all. Youre right about living my own life and keeping the phone away. And I did that a lot! Have many hobbies, always outside. I also turn off my phone a lot. Still when I turn it on and I see no message it affects me a bit. I recognize myself in anxiously attached, so Im trying to get better at that. Thank you again!
  3. I am not texting too much, nor do I wanna push for another date. He did exactly the same the week before (also asking to meet up when I couldnt and asking another time). And I actually liked that he showed me in that way that he wanted to see me. Yes I agree. Hes almost 24, but there is a difference.
  4. Not sure if he is still on the rebound, not according to him. But yes, he could still be in this phase.
  5. I agree! Needy is never good, but it can be in balance, or not? 😬 since he asked for the first two dates.. But I get it! Though for me it would work better if the whole dating progress would be more in balance. Great advice about the videos! Im gonna check it out right away, thank you!
  6. True! Im leaving it up to him. He doesnt live with his parents, but did tell me that since he broke up with his ex gf (they were together for 5 years), this year he has dated a lot of women and had (has??) his *** fase. I do wanna talk about how he sees our dating next time though.
  7. Hi guys, I started dating a guy recently. I met him on a festival and we already had our first and second date. It went well! The last date I had was one week ago. He asked for both dates. Now we do text every day it doesnt go very deep/is a good conversation. Its much better in real life. Last weekend I asked him twice if he could meet up (first for sunday, then for the saturday since I was nearby). He couldnt because he was in another city both days. When I told my friends this she told me: "Joyce, youre never gonna keep a man if youre the one suggesting to meet up, even twice. Men like to hunt a little, this makes it too easy." I wonder if this is true. And if it is, does it also depend on age? Im 27 he's 23. I just dont like those games personally and love to be direct in what I feel. What do you think about it? If youre a guy, how do you feel about a woman asking to meet up early on?
  8. Long distance can work out if two people are willing to make the effort to make it work. I already told him I was open to move, since I always wanted to live somewhere else. It can affect his decision but I dont think its only about the distance.
  9. True, and thank you! It really was fun indeed:). Somehow I wish I knew what was missing exactly. I had the feeling he tried so hard to feel something, that it was almost as a pressure on him. Maybe it wasnt there, maybe he als9 pressured himself too much to already call it love. Love can be so complicated. But yes, next!
  10. Thank you! I agree, I dont think he will give me the security. And I think we both now understand its not gonna work. For me it wasnt a fling. I felt serious about him. I dont mind long distance (not too long, it should be possible to meet up every month at least), since I can be alone and love to travel and live somewhere else at some point. But it should be secure and also ok for the other person.
  11. Thank you for replying! I do think he was serious since he asked about how my view is on the future, children, where to live. He already was thinking about making a big trip together later this year. Also he asked to be exclusive. I think the long distance and of course a lack of spark made him realize its not gonna happen. He doesnt like to be that much alone. I do wonder if it could have anything to do with his anxiety. After his breakup he started to always feel stressed. He said since he didnt expected to be dumped and saw a future with her, it hit him really hard. Could be that he was comparing me and the ex, and how he felt about her. But of course I can be totally wrong. I wish I could really get it, but in this case I probably cant and need to accept what is. Also, I do agree on taking things slow! I thought this would be a holiday love and was fine with that. He really tried to keep seeing me and make something more out of it. But in general it would be better to start slow.
  12. Thank you for your reply! Maybe yes! I tried to not put too much pressure on him, but could feel that he needed space in this, for whatever reason. What I was missing from this thing we had, was good communication. He would or could not communicate about how he felt. Also when I tried to talk about it, his first response is "Can we not talk about it?" It can be hard to acknowledge someone just isnt that into you, as you are into them. Especially when it felt right. But it is how it is, I will not be in contact and take time for myself. Unfortunately its so painful too. I do miss him and our connection. I dont think he had anyone else. He wanted to be exclusive and every day we called about our day. It didnt feel like he had a second agenda. He doesnt seem like that kind of guy.
  13. Thank you for your reply! I think you are right, as painful as it is to acknowledge it, that I do have the feeling we are right for each other but he feels another way. I think he really did try to feel it. Also when we talked about it on holiday, he said my question is putting pressure on him. It seemed a bit off foe me, since I never asked for a relationship yet. Just were we stand. It might be for the best. I feel with this "spark" thing missing and also the problem with the distance its not gonna work. It really stings though, also my ego. Its hard to find a nice connection and then to let it go. I really cared about him. I also didnt expect the conversation to go like that. At least I hoped I could know what was missing and maybe work on it. But as you said, most of the times it doesnt change the feeling for someone. I need to try to accept that.
  14. Hi guys! 🙂 I've been dating a guy since three months. We met in on a holiday in hit it off quite well. After the holiday we kept in touch. He called me every day (after a while I started to do the same), we texted a lot and at least every two weeks we would meet up for 4/5 days. We both live in different countries next to each other, but met up at his place, my place or in another country together. I felt a real connection with him. We had deep conversations, had the same kind of stupid humor and liked to do the same kind of activities. When we would call it would be for two hours every day, there was always enough to talk about. Last holiday I felt a slight change. We were already exclusive, he asked for that, but I wondered how we both looked at the future. He said he didnt feel in love yet, but did really like me and would like to see where it would go. Also that he is not sure how long distance would be for him and if he could handle it. I felt that the passion we had in the beginning was less. The sex was amazing and often, now he would still hug me a lot and hold my hands, but the sex was a lot less and he would only kiss me on my forehead, not my lips. When I asked him about it, he couldnt really tell why. He would rather not talk about it. After that the contact was less. He did have a new job and had was more busy because of that. We would still call every 2 days, but text less. Last four days I visited him. We had a lot of fun together, many activities, talking, watching series together. Again he would hug me a lot, touch my hair or kiss me on my head. But we only had sex two times and it was very short and didn't feel intimate, I also couldn't get much pleasure out of it. The last day we went out with a friend of his. The friend suggested that his city would be a nice place to move to. Also taking pictures of me and the guy I was dating. It felt natural and nice, but I decided to have a talk about the passion that I felt was missing later at dinner together. He said that he couldn't explain what it was. He said he likes everything about me and doesn't understand why he really likes me, but doensn't feel "the spark". He couldn't tell what was missing, but something was missing. I told him that I need some security in dating and this is making me feel insecure. That I couldn't continue not knowing where I stand. He asked if he could still see me, if not in casual dating then as a friend. That he doesn't want to lose contact. I still had to sleep there that night, we slept seperately. In the morning he had to cry a lot (so did I). He said he felt sad and also bad for me, but that it's probably for the best because he is afraid the thing is missing won't come. He left for work and we haven't spoken since. I took the plane back to my own country. It still feels like a whirlwind and I'm trying to get my mind back together. From having a lot of fun and talking every day, to a short conversation and ending things. I feel that for me it's the best to end it. I need to have some security and I felt something is up. He also mentioned that he still is not 100% over his last relationship where he got dumped (6 months ago) and that the long distance thing is bothering him. My feelings and thoughts are still all over the place and I felt the need to write it down. I wonder what the "spark" thing is that was missing. I did feel a great connection and similiair value together. We could laugh, talk, do things. Had the same interests and the same look on what the future should look like. He told me that if I wouldn't have talked about what is missing, that we still would have continued like this. Also that he has no interest in dating others. Do you have any ideas about this? It might be vague, since it still is for me. I would just like to talk about it, hopefully get some peace of mind.
  15. I was thinking about that, but I dont want to make a big deal out of it. I think its better to mention at the moment he says it. If it happens again I definitely will.
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