pos69sum

no offense - but this website is more for people who are looking for someone to talk to because they are confused about relationships or a breakup, or are depressed and need a sympathetic ear. there is a book list, which is ok - but i'm looking for sites with specific programs, and a forum with people who are really interested in actively pursuing personal growth, wealth accumulation, developing an active social life. maybe such sites don't exist, although i doubt it - there seems to be a site for everything on the internet. i've found a few - but maybe someone here can recommend something really good. i'm a software developer - but my field is not important. when i mentioned i'm interested in improving my career, i'm more interested in general advice about personal finance, wealth management, and cultivating business relationships.

Does anyone know of any good self improvement websites? I'm interested in websites that are focused on helping people improve their careers, finances, and social lives.

I was extremely depressed between the months of Jan and Feb of 2006 after I broke up with my ex. I've been getting better - I've been going to therapy which helps a lot, I've made some new friends, dating new people, focusing on my career,etc. I've made a lot of progress. I don't consider myself depressed anymore, I'm starting to really have some fun. The problem: I was nearly catatonic w depression for those two months. During this time I appeared normal to other people in terms of my personal hygeine, although maybe a little sad looking. My condo, however, went to all hell. I stopped cleaning, I lost my cleaning lady's email address and never bothered to contact her. There are clothes everywhere, garbage all over the floor, papers everywhere. The kitchen and bathroom and absolutely horrendous - I'm almost embarrassed to call my cleaning lady again - the bathroom is so bad I almost would feel embarrassed to have her clean up the mess. My bedroom is the absolute worst. I have a pile of mail for six months, mostly junk but there are some importannt pieces of mail in there that I have to sift through. Help me, can't motivate myself to clean. I have some kind of mental block about this. I've taken multiple days off of work *just to clean*, and then I didn't do anything but watch tv all day. Just thinking of the amount of work that needs to be done - it's really several days worth of cleaning - paralyzes me and I can't even start. But just letting it sit makes me more and more depressed every day. I've also tried breaking it up - i.e., just clean one hour each day - but what happens is I last for a few days, but then something comes up at work, I come home totally exhausted and just want to relax when I get home and I let it go again. What is wrong with me that I can't clean this place? I have a mental block about this - I feel like I might be crazy. Certainly living in garbage is enough to drive someone crazy after a time. I can't bring anybody home because I'm embarrassed. Help me get motivated. I can't do any work at home or concentrate on anything because of the mess! Help, has anyone ever experienced this?

have you ever had that sinking feeling when dating someone that you know you are headed for heartbreak but don't know what to do about it? you know you are making mistake after mistake, but feel powerless to stop it? like there's some script that you are following which you already know will end in disaster? it will be over before you realize it, and you will be suffering over it for longer than it existed. the only thing i can think of that's even vaguely comforting about this situation is the thought that, if i do this enough, it will eventually desensitize me to rejection. maybe if i don't care anymore, something good will happen. but then you think about all those years you waited for something to happen, and you realize that you may remain like this for the rest of your life.

it's only fun until the inevitable games and horrible feeling of rejection.

have you gone out with her? is she aware of how you feel? if i was in your shoes i'd probably try to arrange a date with her, and try to seduce her into my bedroom.

99% of the time - not repairable. but this is a valluable learning experience, move on and don't let it happen again.

i'm working on it. doesn't mean that the process isn't frustrating. thanks for listening.

there's a difference between 'selective' and 'automatically assume the worst even though he has not given you a concrete indication'. 'selective' assumes that they enter into communication with an open mind, i do not feel this is the case. i feel like you are automatically assumed to be either a player or loser, and it's up to you to fight yourself out of that preconception. this type of thinking just makes things incredibly difficult for everyone.

just kiss her!!

i am totally not a sales guy, it took all of a couple week's experience when i was going through different jobs after college to teach me that. you are correct, it is just something that does not come natural to me. i might try this, though.

i'm a great boyfriend, but i have the hardest time getting to that point. it is this whole business of having to basically ingratiate yourself to someone you don't even know that is most probably not even worth it, that i can't handle. and people's ignorant assumptions that, if you are not in a relationship, then something must be wrong with you. i believe in personal development. i have been reading books on the subject for years - subjects like psychology, personal finance, career success. i'm in therapy too. i know that the 'game' is basically all within yourself. my theory is that from day one, people screw each other over so much in the dating game that 99.9 percent of people are so apprehensive when they meet someone new, so they resort to games and attitude again because it's the only thing they know that will give them even a small measure of control over the situation. women hold men in such contempt these days that they are constantly 'testing' them, making them jump through these enormous hoops, to see if they are really 'boyfriend material', another 'player', or another 'nice guy'. men naturally become defensive about this and develop 'player' attitudes or just drop out of the game altogether - and everyone becomes more and more jaded.

yes drinking usually makes you say what you're really thinking

tell her 'it's just not gonna work between us. we're too different'. then watch her change her tune and come running.

this is why i hate being single - i just cannot handle the bullsh** people throw around, the games, the attitude. i hate it. and i hate the fact that you can't even get away from it. if i say, ok i am going to put myself out there and meet women, i have just enough success to make it seem like i'm not totally hopeless - but ultimately i screw it up somehow and get my ego shredded by shallow manipulative women. and if i say, screw it, i'm just going to focus on work and my hobbies, i can never stick to it. either this type of lifestyle just becomes too miserable and lonely, and i go out looking to meet women again - or, i just happen to meet someone that blows me away and wakes me up out of my apathy. and then, of course, my ego gets shredded even worse because i don't have very much experience and she interprets this as a sign of weakness and i wind up alone again. the past two weeks have been a real roller coaster. i met someone at a club last week and asked for her digits. since the place was closing soon, she told me to meet her there in a week, we can hang out and get to know each other, and then she'd give me her number. i went back to the club a week later, she was there, we hung out for a few hours, but then she left abruptly and i never got her number. what the hell! so i decide to focus on this other girl - i was on a dating site, started talking to a girl, had a date set up for a few days later, proceeded to talk to her on the phone a lot. then she starts playings games - today was the first time a phone message was not returned. this means that it's over as far as i'm concerned. but it still sucks, because i really thought she had potential. so today, i'm completely demoralized. i decide to go back to myspace, which i haven't logged onto in a long time, to message my one and only myspace crush. she's the only person who left nice messages for my pics and we've emailed each other goofy notes a couple times over the past year, i've never tried to initiate anything with her before but often thought of her. i send her a message saying 'hi would you like to talk on yahoo messenger sometime? my screen name is ...'. now, i can see her sending me a message back saying 'let's just keep our talk on myspace' or possibly even ignoring it - but she drops me as a friend and turns her profile to 'private'! what the hell did i do to get this treatment? i hate this. i hate that i have no choice but to work my way through a long string of these horrible demoralizing episodes before i meet someone that i just 'click' with. i read some sites the other day about developing your 'game' - the whole idea of going out of your way to develop seemingly artificial character traits, memorize 'routines', etc. just seems incredibly depressing to me. please tell me it will get better. right now i just want to move to alaska and live in an igloo for the rest of my life.