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trojan

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  1. Are you a man or a woman?
  2. But unless you are pretty impoverished, you admitted finally that the dates weren't expensive. she only had one drink and then a peppermint tea. hopefully, you can cover that. you asked her for jazz and you should pay for that. she is probably just giving you some space and not prying into your affairs, or more likely you are reading way too much into this. sounds like you spend the barest amount possible. It's okay. for the first few dates I used to take them on free dates, walking, skiing, etc. if we went for coffee, I paid. but it does not sound as if you are being lavish. constant texting after two dates is weird
  3. Then do it! You will regret it for the rest of your life if you don't. I did it a few times with 'friends with benefits'. Every so often I reminisce about it. The only thing I regret is not doing it more. You only live once. This is not a dress rehearsal. You said you want to, so you should
  4. I am going to try all of this when I call both of them next Mothers day. May? I explained above the last time I told my brother what to do was telling him in an offhand comment that he should think of quitting smoking. I didn't even belabor the point, just one short sentence. He still smokes 40 cigarettes a day. I did not tell him to go on an adventure instead of mom's house for lunch, I just sent him a second-hand book about bicycle touring. It was just a hint he might do something else. I never mentioned it. I'll try your ideas. I'll read them a few times before I call. I'll even write down ideas to call about. How the coffee was in Central America. How deep the snow is around my hut. That kinda stuff.
  5. When I wrote the original post, I was trying to make it clear that I do NOT tell my brother what to do. Twenty years ago, I told him in an offhand way he should think of quitting smoking. This is a matter of life and death! During his five emails, he informed me he still smokes 40 cigarettes a day. That was like the only thing I ever told him to do in the last 40 years. Another time I sent him a secondhand book on how to bicycle tour long distances. I did not actually tell him he should, I just sent the book as a gentle hint. That was like 10 years ago. Other than that, I never express what I think he should do. He, on the other hand, feels fine telling me what job to have, whether to bicycle tour, what countries are too dangerous, what way to part my hair, and what shampoo to use
  6. I've been involved with two married women. I would never do this again. Screwed up for all three people involved. I was stupiderback then than am now.
  7. You sure twisted that all around. Do you just get on this forum to harass people?
  8. Yes, it was because he kept saying it doesn't actually work, and I felt I needed to prove to him Amazon does work. And yes, I often tell about my adventures to brag about them. But this is what I always talk about to other travelers I meet. We talk about what we do at home and what adventures we have been on. And yes, I just have to stop doing it with Brother. He will just never understand and he will forever be a grumpy difficult person and I have to learn to not take the conversation in certain directions. He is well known there for being a grumpy, difficult person. But the one or two phone calls a year are necessary, I can't explain why.
  9. Yes, he has gone a little crazy. He has all the responsibility and has had it all his life. He keeps allowing himself to be trapped in these situations. I'm sure he envies my free-spirit life because he tells people all the places I visited and all the weird wilderness jobs I have had. He will explain all about to me to people we both knew years ago from when we were kids. But he has trapped himself there and has to do what he has to do. The older people 'enabled' a part of him they recognized in him right from the very start... that he would stay at home and take care of everything if they paved the way and made it the path of least resistance for him. It was the easiest way to go if he just stayed with them and ran the business. And I am sure the stipulation was that he doesn't go traveling or have any babies or anything and they will make sure everything goes ok there for him. The last time I was there and visited them, twenty-five years ago, I found out that the plan was to keep me there to do chores around the place for the rest of my life. They set up a room in the basement for me with a TV and did everything they could to keep me there, paving the way, making it the path of least resistance, guilt-tripping me, and even blocking my airplane ticket home. It wasn't because they loved me and missed me; it was because I was going to be a source of free labor. They said that is enough of playing around and that it is time for me to learn how to work. When I finally escaped, I never looked back! The 5 emails from my brother, in rapid-fire order, were pointing out how working online for Amazon is a scam and pointless. I made the mistake of 'cutting and pasting' my profit results from my Amazon royalties, trying to prove to him that it actually works and I actually make money, and he got even madder because I showed him that it was actually working. Before, I used to only talk about the most boring stuff, mostly because they do not know at all why I would want to trek around in dirty third-world countries. But then, in the last couple of years, it seemed they both wanted to know a little more in-depth about what experiences I have over there and why in the world I would keep doing it all the time. And so for some reason, I thought they actually cared or something, but that was not the case. It snowballed into this thing where they freak out and panic. Like riding a bike across India. Well, they completely melted down! They were so frantic and drastic that they freaked me out too, and I left the packaged-up touring bicycle in a heap in the middle of my primitive hut and went to Asia without the bike. Well, the next year I was determined to not let that happen again. I didn't call them for a whole year. I called them from the airport when the bike was already in the hold of the Airplane. I rode my bike across India for six months when I was well into my sixties! The same thing, I somehow should not have said anything about working on Amazon. But why shouldn't I? It seems like a perfectly normal thing to tell somebody. I tell lots of people about it, actually; it is my main topic of conversation even with random strangers. My mother thinks it is pretty cool, but she doesn't know what it is, she doesn't use computers. My brother rapidly fired me 5 long emails about how unrealistic that is. What I will try from now on is just talk about the weather, which is what I did for the first 40 years.
  10. I used to write my mother, but I am not sure she actually cares anymore. She does not know how to use email. It's sort of gotten so awful there I almost don't want to communicate at all. I have to walk on pins and needles, never knowing what would set them off. I told my brother I am working online, and he flew off the handle about it. He refuses to understand that Amazon is a real thing and that I can work on it wherever I end up. Also, my job where I work is a physically demanding job, and the next guy down is 30 years old and then they are 25 and 22 years old. I am working with 25 year old guys and I am 65, and for sure I am the next one to be phased out! I watched a youtube about it, and it said if you see you are being phased out due to ageism, don't bother waiting around to see how it plays out. Find something else. My brother has an easy job working for his mother, so I doubt he will be phased out. And yet when I show him the profits I made on Amazon, he got all fussy and said to do what the boss says and get along with him. He has no frame of reference in real-world jobs. For sure, this summer or next I will get the axe and the best of the younger guys will take my position. The writing is on the wall, don't hang around until my job is sweeping up the floor. Make a new occupation. My brother insisting Amazon is a scam has nothing to do with reality. He emailed me 5 times on my 65th birthday to tell me all these weird made-up things and that somehow I am failing because I won't get along with the boss and wasting my time learning Amazon. My only failing is turning 65 and still trying to be on the clock in a younger man's occupation. How long does he think my boss will keep me in a job more suited for someone that is 25? Keep me on until I am 70? I have to start putting something else together.
  11. You don't need any reassurance? Apparently, nobody on this needs any reassurance at all. Is everybody here so self-sufficient they need no validation at all? I just put up with his weird ways every few years to keep in good graces. He is sort of the 'Godfather' in the Family, you might say. He makes all the major decisions for everybody, including wills, business, taking care of the deceased, etc. I do none of this. And so he is used to making decisions for people there. I try not to share too much personal stuff, but it is sort of difficult to refrain from telling what continent I am traveling to.
  12. When did I say I crave them? I never said anything like that. I said it's like going to the dentist. I don't 'crave' going to the dentist, and yet I continue to go once a year. Where did you get 'crave'? I got on here to complain about it. Now you say I 'crave' it. I don't seek it at all but try to keep it at a minimum. I only call him once a year, and my mother twice a year, so that I still exist in their minds. Should I just drop all contact because he is a grumpy, controlling person sometimes? What are you suggesting? Never contact again because he sent a screaming email?
  13. Yes to all of the above. I have to 'cow-tow' sometimes. I can't call him once a year and tell him to get lost. I accept the downsides. What part of the title don't you relate to? I am a selfish guy, not generous and giving of myself. I am only for me. I do what I want when I want. I have no soul mate. And so if I want any contact at all, I have to 'cow-tow' every few years for a few minutes on the phone. It doesn't happen every time. It can go years between the times he goes off on these tirades about being responsible. Not every time. On my 65th birthday was one of those times. He was battering me with a string of emails because I accidentally told him I am doing pretty well working on Amazon while I am down here in the Jungle and thinking this might replace my seasonal job. He is a workaholic and can't stand not having a job to go to. I hate having a job to go to and could happily sit here in front of this keyboard working. Anyway, he went off the deep end about not quitting my job. He totally doesn't believe Amazon is a real job. You are right: I have to tolerate it. I wrote five nasty responses, telling him where to go, but somehow bit my tongue and deleted them before I got myself in trouble and never talked to anyone in the family ever again because of one quick self-serving email where I would tell him off and then never hear from anyone again.
  14. I have no plans for that at all. I won't make any changes at all. All of them are a bunch of control freaks and that is why I don't go there for 25 years. But in some small way, I still have to seek validation or I will be cut off from all social contact with the family. That's just part of the deal. It has been that way from the start when I ran away from home at 18. I mitigate it as much as possible by only calling twice a year and having all the say-so as to when I will call by never giving them my phone number. The last time I was there 25 years ago my brother was the only one nice to me at all, so he is the one I can contact. Actually, I only call him once a year. he is always in a bad mood! I call our mother two times a year, once on Mother's day (And that day I usually don't call grumpy brother) Then two weeks before I take off on my adventure I call both. It takes me a full two weeks to recover from the conversation and get my mind on what needs to be done for the travels. So, it is like going to the dentist, a necessary evil but I do it once or twice a year. I have to seek reassurance from him, but only once a year. And often it is years in between the times I have to validate myself, not every time. And so that is why it takes me by surprise, because it might be years in between when i have to do it, and i forget it is a part of our relationship. This was a time, but it might be five years before I have to 'cow-tow' again to keep in good graces with the family. I just suck up and do it every few years. "You should quit this nonsense and get a regular job like me!" He email yelled. "You're right I should," I answer, "I'll look into it right away when I get back to civilization," I add.
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