McSushi

Yes. They are both adults. Once you hit 18 there's no rules as far as age-gap relationships go. What's the problem? Huntress, I understand your concern about the college education being important, but to echo what another poster wrote I think the most important thing is that a man has the means to provide for his mate and possible future family (roof over your head, food on the table, clothes, etc.) not necessarily the education (I have a BA degree so I am not anti-education in case anyone was wondering). Although it is important to have goals, college is not for everyone. I happen to know some people with degrees that work at Blockbuster video and grocery stores. Nothing wrong with that, but my point is that if he has a good stable job, is a hard worker, and is financially stable and able etc. those are the things that I would really focus on. My father was a great provider with no college education as well as my mother. They raised 3 girls and put us all through college, people do it all the time! Your man makes 6 figures! Consider yourself lucky...just my opinion. The 10 year age difference also kinda caught my eye, my boyfriend is 10 years younger than me as well. Anyways... colleges will always be around. I had 70 year olds in some of my classes so it's never too late to go to school.

Thanks guys! Really appreciate the speedy responses. Well, like I mentioned before from what he tells me, he is really busy with school and work, but wants to make time for everything that he considers important in his life. He mentions all the time that he hates school, even though he's good at it so I guess he is adjusting to the "change" (end of summer, fun stuff, etc.) He called me yesterday and made plans for a date this Wed... and he just wrote me a text message right now. Soooo I think my gut is telling me that I'm being paranoid and that he is just adjusting to all the responsibilities in his life right now. I'll just give him his space, focus my free time on things that I enjoy doing so I won't obsess over the rlp. I just don't want to do anything to sabotage the rlp...he's a good catch, probably the best that I have dated in a LONG time, so I definitely don't want to see this one "get away", lol.

Based on what he has told me he did mention that I am way up there on his top priorities as far as what's important in his life. Not trying to defend him, so I hope I am not coming accross that way because that is not my intent. I appreciate and am open to all different kinds of opinions to my OP. He said right before his first week of classes started that he would be so busy with work and school that we would probably have to cut our dates a little short (we use to hang out until the wee hours in the morning). I know he has classes on Tues. from 10am - 9:45PM so that's a long day for him. He has a lot of homework, hard classes this semester so maybe that could be it? He does see me more than his own friends, which use to be the other way around when we first started dating. He did say that he doesn't want anyone to feel left out so he tries to make room for spending time w/his family, friends, and girlfriend, and time to do homework etc. I don't know, I hope he's not using school as an excuse...I'd be a little upset if he was bored of the rlp already only after 3 months especially since he's told me that he wants to be with me for a long time.

Hello, I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend (10 year age-gap, he's younger, I'm older) for almost 3 months now. In the beginning of the relationship we were text messaging each other like crazy, and he was calling me and always wanting to spend time with me. We both work together and attend the same church so we would always see each other regardless of whether a date was scheduled for that week or not. I have noticed that things seemed to slow down a bit since school just started for him. By "slowing down" I mean, not texting me as much or being as up to spending a lot of time together on dates. I'm wondering or hoping that maybe it's because he's just busy with school and work and not that he's getting tired of me already. Regardless I know the worst thing for me to do is to pursue him even more and demand why things seemed to have slowed down or why he doesn't seem as excited to do spontaneous dates like we used too. We do see each other about 3 or 4 times a week, twice at church, 1 at work, and sometimes a regular date. I guess I'm just a little paranoid and assuming the worst due to previous bad relationships. Is this normal in a relationship? In the beginning phase, your constantly spending a lot of time together, talking, etc. then things slow down a bit? I forgot..it's been about 5 years since I've been in a long-term rlp.

lol. I'll just visit him in at his work area and exchange phone numbers. Especially since he already asked for my number this week. Start off slow. I'll keep you posted... -mcsushi!

I agree with these two posts. A large part of a person's "attraction" has a lot to do with their personality and body language than their physical appearance (believe it or not). Maybe your sending off a wrong signal without realizing it? Are you shy and quiet? Sometimes I tend to be quiet and people misread this as me being in a bad mood which is not the case at all. Try making more eye contact with people and smile more often (this has helped me I noticed). Also, if your good-looking and KNOW IT, this can be sending off a wrong signal to people too. They might misjudge you as being conceited and unfriendly (not saying that you are, I'm sure your a nice gal). Try these techniques, smiling, being more approachable, etc. and let us know if you notice a difference with these guys.

Hmm...this is interesting. I actually dated a light-skinned puerto rican guy in which his preference was brown skinned or darker skinned women. Then again I dated a light skinned cuban guy that preferred light-skinned women. And I dated a few guys that were either my shade or darker that preferred light-skinned women. All I can say is just go for the one's that are attracted to YOU. Why would you want a girl that would prefer someone else of a different shade knowing full dang well that you can't change your skin tone? That's why I just stopped going for the one's that didn't really want me and went for the one's that were truly attracted and interested in me. Since I prefer light-skinned guys you'd probably be on my list! jk

I used to prefer darker skin (brown, light brown, olive, tan) of certain races: black, latino, asian, etc. But I noticed or should I say realized that I was usually not their preference (always caught them looking at blond chics, lol). Hey, to each his/her own. They can have them for all I care, if that is their type. BUT NOW, I like white boys! They are more attracted and interested in me anyways. Something that I have been blind to for all these years because I was looking at guys that were my "type". I'm a brown-skinned biracial female with exotic looks, so maybe it's that whole opposites attract thing that I got going for me, who knows! \\

Hello There's a guy in my church that has shown interest in me and I am a little bit interested in him as well. We have been talking for about 2 weeks, and often-times he comes by my work area (we work together too) to visit me and chat. Anyways, since it's so early and we are not dating yet, I want to show him that I'm interested in him as well without being too "obvious" and coming accross as desperate. In past relationships I have been accused twice as being too much of a taker and not doing much when it comes to those "little things" that couples do for each other that are special. Sooo, to kill this bad habit, I want to start off on the right foot. First question...what can a woman do in the beginning stages of attraction and flirting as far as giving or doing nice things without going overboard? He came by twice to visit me by my work area...would it be okay for me to visit him by his work area or would he (as a male) read this as desperate or me chasing him? (I'm from the school that men should be the pursuers and chasers in the beginning of a relationship). My second questions is..He did mention that he likes the beach and I said that I do as well. He said that he would give me a call and let me know the next time they (him and his friend) go and asked me if my number was in the church directory. I didn't say anything (why, don't ask, I guess it caught me off guard)..so my question is how should I nonchalantly give him my number the next time I see him without coming accross as too eager? What should I say? HELP I can't believe I'm 29 and still asking questions I should already have the answers too.

Thanks guys! A lot of excellent points were made but these are the one's that stood out to me. I agree wholeheartedly with the compatibility being a huge factor. You have to be on the same page when it comes to goals in the relationship, morals and values, religious beliefs (if that's important to you), whether or not the couple agrees on if they want children or not, if they are ready for a relationship, emotionally mature etc....and also observe their character and see if this is a type of person you can see yourself being with for the rest of your life and what your willing to tolerate. Although I'm in a new relationship, I observed before we even started dating if he seemed like someone that could possibly be a type of person that I look for in a boyfriend. And so far so good, we are both looking for a long-term relationship w/the possibility of marriage, we attend the same church, we're both involved in the music ministry there, we have the same political views, we have chemistry, and he's a gentleman, and he's the type of guy that I would be proud to introduce to my parents ... so I'll keep my fingers crossed, he's a great guy for me! I'm very happy!! I'm just taking it slow, one day at a time, and enjoying where we are at in the relationship. . Yeah, I heard that the infatuation phase or honeymoon phase is usually about 6 - 9 months, then after that you really start to see the person for who they really are instead of being blinded by all the mushy emotional feelings that you have for each other. So I personally made a decision for myself that I would date someone for at least a year before we decided to get engaged...2 years at the most. That's just my preference though, because I feel that after 2 years of investing my time, energy, money, and emotions into somebody for more than 2 years and they still did not pop the question, I'd have to cut the relationship off. I'm sure others may not agree with this, or they may, but that is just a decision that I made for myself and I'm sticking to it.

As a general rule, how long do you think a couple should know each other prior to getting engaged? I know, I know, it varies from person to person, but I'm interested in getting your opinions and imput on this question? I'm especially interested in married couples opinion on this question. I personally know couples that got married in 5 months and in my opinion, that is not enough time to really get to know each other (just MY opinion ) I've read articles from "experts" that say you should know the person you are dating for at least 9 months to a year before you decide to get engaged to them...what do you guys think? My boyfriend was actually asking my opinion on how long do I think we should wait before getting engaged and I was speechless, I've never been asked this question before so I have no idea, lol. -McSushi!

Thanks guys! Well, I talked to a girlfriend of mine and she said that maybe it's me. He did try to kiss me on the lips on one date and I pulled away and said that I wanted to wait on that. Maybe I'm unptight, lol, but that is how I honestly felt at that time. I like to establish a good friendship when I'm dating someone in the early stages FIRST before I feel that I can trust them enough for that friendship to evolve into a romantic rlp. They say that good relationships are built on a solid friendship..

Well, I'm glad to see that I'm not alone. I'm starting to be more comfortable with this May/December rlp. I'm just wondering how many months does it take for the two involved in an age-gap rlp to be completely comfortable with each other and the age difference is no longer an issue? I still feel that he is uncomfortable at times to hold my hand in public (and I'll admit I am the same way too ), but I'm thinking or hoping maybe it's because I have not kissed him yet? Maybe if/when that happens we'll be more comfortable with each other as a true couple? We've been dating for over a month now and I have not kissed him yet (yes I'm a prude, lol). Please feel free to share any experiences in your beginning stages of your May/December rlp.

That's great advice RayKay. I do realize having your own business can be tough because you have to wear many different hats and it can be very stressful when your doing it all by yourself pretty much. I am understanding to that..just wanted to hear other people's input on this. I myself work full-time, sometimes overtime, and I have my singing engagements so at times I can be pretty busy myself. Well, I see him twice a week anyways, because we attend the same church, lol. Yeah, 2 dates canceling/rescheduling is not too bad. I guess I am paranoid because my ex used to cancel, flake, show up late, stand me up ALL THE TIME and I tolerated it for 5 months (my fault I know). So I want to be wise about things early on in a relationship to prevent repeating this same mistake. I think I just won't be as readily available if he cancels/reschedules next time, it will have to be to my convenience.

I'm in a new relationship, and I want to start things off on a good note. I have been dating this guy for a little over a month and so far things are going great. He has his own business and works a lot so sometimes he complains about being tired, etc. He has cancelled and rescheduled about 2 dates so far due to him being tired from working a lot. Should I make a big deal about this little habit, should I say something? I'm just wondering if maybe I'm being too passive by being okay with him rescheduling dates or if I'm not being understanding to his "workoholism"? I know that when he does ask me out on a date I'm always up for it...maybe I'm coming accross as too available? Any advice? McSushi!