strndedbyluv

yea, that is a great one, i totally feel it. wonderful work.

well it may be old, but its a good discussion. i never thought incest really existed as much as it does. esp. not in the states. i can see where this would happen. i never thought it possible in a million years except of like in backwoods hillbilly country (mostly in movies) but i am in love with a guy whom i believe has sexual relations with his mother. it is very scary, and i can see how it happens just people being alone with each other, and out of touch with reality, and well...MENTAL. its sad, but true. i cant believe it happens, really. i think they both need professional help. its just not right. i dont know why but i guess by societal standards its just wrong, biblical maybe? hell idont know but it just doesnt seem right! i cant explain it. Its a good debate seeing as how i have no reason to say its wrong and gross, but it is. really makes ya think. btw if you still around: i cant believe your friend told you...what do you think about it?

i am sorry to say that I dont think you can do anything to help him but just be there, and maybe walk away when it happens or report it to someone that may be able to help get him professional help. I am a self injurer, and i cant explain why i do it, or what could make me stop. therapy helps but doesnt "cureall" just explain to him how it hurts you to see him do that, and maybe help him work on other ways to deal with his frustration and pain. im sorry i cant help anymore than that. and i am sorry you are having to deal with this. just be honest with him, and try to be there for him.

Well....lil update for ya...im not having the procedure done. i drove 2 hours away on monday to have the first step of it done, and they did an ultrasound to get the exact gestation of it and i heard the heart, and saw his little face and nose...and while i didnt see his lil genitalia the doctor said they were there...so hes a boy. i just cant go through with it, its a child, and i am not a murderer. the father still will not return my emails or phone calls, and im sure if i make a fool of myself by going to his house that he will not come to the door. so while i wrythe in pain, and fear telling my family, i have a wonderful picture of the baby, and the heartsickness of knowing i cant keep him, i just cant raise a child. so now im stuck with how to get around letting people around here know about him...and how im going to pull this off... i want to keep him so bad, but its just not possible. i am too crazy to have a baby, and raise a child. i can hardly take care of myself and my pets. i have two jobs now, and still cant make the rent and pay the bills...i really want to keep my child, but i really dont want to have to live a life of single parenthood, i just dont think i can be a mother, much less a good mother, i have soooo many problems, and looking at this baby everyday knowing who his father is, and seeing him in him. i think i would kill myself if i had to do that. im a terrible person, and i dont know what i am going to do. i dont know if i am going to make it thru this. Baby G. --->>thats what it says on the ultrasound, he is so precious...hes 15cm long, and they say that is really long for his gestation! hes gonna be tall like his daddy, omg i cant even deal with that...anyways he is due on or around Dec. 24th. could be a week before or a week after. I just dont know how im going to do this...or what im going to do. I just want the father to see this ultrasound so bad-i want him to feel this pain i am having to live with. I think he is just ignoring it and going to pretend like it isnt here and its soooooo unfair...i cant ignore it so why should he be able to? why should i have to deal with this alone??? what do i do about him? why is this killing me???

well first of all congrats on meeting someone! secondly and lastly lol nothing is normal when it comes to love! who knows what real love is? when its love you will just know it... thats coming from the experience i had, i was married and thought it was love. but after my divorce, i met up with my best friend and soul mate again, and i knew it was love. there was nothing else it could have been. I just knew. take it slow and let things develope. dont worry about what it is, or defining it. let everything work itself out and enjoy your time with her. good luck!

yea, i feel like i got thru 1-4 everyday, ive yet to hit 5. still really scared at my obsession over him. great articles btw. thanks for sharing.

yea, someone told me today that if i want to be in a relationship that im eventually gonna have to give in on the celibacy thing. that i am never going to be able to find someone at my age that is willing to never have sex with me, and that my vow is just silly and what monks or whatever do. i know it may be true that i wont find anyone, but i just cant care anymore. I have to do what is good for myself. When you start screwing around with people you shouldnt, and when you go to a freaking bar and leave with strangers, and when you cant stay in a relationship because its always gotta be an "open relationship" because you have no self control, and when you continue to hurt people you truly love because of something as simple as getting your next fix or whatever, and when you start feeling like your a piece of trash- then you can come and screw with me about my life, and my choices, and how silly i am being... and as much as it sucks, it is my life...silly or not...i HAVE to do this. It hurts me so bad that people dont understand me, and make fun of this, or try and "show" me how its not gonna work. no one understands what an addiction like that is like...its so "unnatural" or whatever, but screw that...if you dont understand it then move on, and say - "well shes a freak, that figures." dont mess with me about it...just move on and pretend you dont know me or whatever it takes, but dont run me down about it, and dont pick on me about it. leave me be. if i have to be alone because i cant find a decent guy that will not want to have sex, or even mention it and talk about it ( or be a pervert), then i will. plain and simple...im so sick of everything right now. Im sick of feeling like a freak, im sick of this small hick town, and stupid people. im sick of having all this freaking school debt and a freaking 4 year degree that i may as well roll up a big doobie with and smoke cause thats about the only thing it is good for, im sick of missing a loser that i wasted so much of my life with...im just sick!!!!

so ive been "dating" if you would call it that, this guy for a month or so now...maybe 2 months. we just hang out, and we have been out to dinner maybe twice and to the movies once. I am helping his mom with her resume, and we hang out alot...well she introduced me to their neighbors as his "girlfriend" about two weeks ago. i let it go, didnt say anything to him about it at first. but as the weeks have wore on, he has really started to annoy me, he will call me 3 times a day from work when he is on his breaks, and he wants to "hang out" on all his off days. Well a few weeks ago i wanted him to go with me on vacation (my sister wanted me to have a "date" so i wouldnt be third wheel), he said okay he would go, so the next morning when we were getting ready to leave i called to see where he was at, and his mom answered the phone and said "oh hes so upset, he wants to go, but really he just doesnt have the money to. he has to pay my car payment" yada yada yada and some other stuff. So i said well everything is paid for, my sister has booked the rooms and he doesnt have to spend anymoney, we wont be eating out that much, shes gonna get groceries when we get there, he wont have to spend any money. but she just kept on and on, like- well he will have to drive there- my reply- we are taking my brother in laws car, theyll cover the gas no problem her- well, he just really doesnt need to miss anymore days of work my reply- well, we will come back on Tuesday in time enough for him to get to work that evening...he wont be missing anydays, he has already taken Thurs-Mon off anyways. her reply- i know,but he really doesnt need to go off and be tired going into work that nite. he should just wait and go another time. my reply- LET ME JUST TALK TO HIM. this is not the first time she has told me he couldnt do something, or needed to do something else...blah blah blah...its like the third time. btw he is 25 so he gets on the phone and is all wimpy like, saying "i really wanna go, but I just dont know if its a good idea." So i say fine, you shoulda just told me, and not have your mom tell me. So he calls me about every hour while im on vacation the first day. I finally tell him to stop calling me that I am pissed at him for not coming with me, and i dont want to talk to him.. then he says hes gonna drive down there...a 3 hour drive...but he supposedly didnt have enough gas money right? so i tell him no, im not gonna tell him what hotel we are at. so he didnt have the money right? whatever, she was lying cause the next day my cousin calls me and says she saw them eating at Cafe LaRouge...a really expensive restaurant...and when i call him he says he is at the mall shopping with his mom. im like what the heck! i thought you had to pay her car payment, and he was all like 'yea i do, but mom just felt like shopping and im so bored and depressed, i miss you.' im like gag me! so i realized then, that I didnt want to date him...cause im not getting tied up with yet another mama's boy. WRONG...so we get back from vacation, and he asks why i never call him,or want to hang out. and i just say cause i dont feel like we are bf/gf or whatever. well he starts saying that he wants to be...and he will do whatever it takes. So on top of all of this, we havent even kissed! i dont even want to kiss him. i mean i want a bf and i want to date so that i can get over my ex that i am obsessed with, but i just dont know if its that I cant like this guy cause im so in love and obsessed with the ex. I am not sure if this is my hormones or what...but im going crazy here! i have been so mean to this new guy, thinking ok maybe he will get tired of me or something...but he sticks around! so now he wants to know what he has to do to be considered my bf...and im like I dunno. i told him i guess when i figure it out i will let him know. I think we should go out on dates more...and not just hang out. so I just wanted to vent here a little... and also to see what do you guys consider boyfriend/girlfriend like? i mean its actually dating and having the guy take a girl out right? *sigh* am i wrong for having no feelings for this guy? will it just work out or will i forever be stuck on my ex?

no, its my regular gyn. and they just dont advertise or admit to doing abortions. in fact my doctor doesnt do the actual procedure, he referred me to another dr. that does and will do it at the local hospital. no offices in that town perform them. its very taboo. and its up to 23 weeks, with a D&C...i could have had it done at 12 weeks with the medical abortion, where they give you an iv, and other medication to abort the fetus. with the D&C they give you something to dialate you and then you come back the next day and they take it...its not partial birth. I wouldnt do that, i dont really want to do this but I have no choice. i dont want to carry it.

ouch...sorry to hear about that man, thats gotta hurt. i dont have any injuries, but i do have three holes in my wall that are sex related. from a few little too passionate moments with my ex...

i would date a guy if he was nice, no matter how many kids he has with different women. My feeling on this is, the right woman will see you for you, and not worry about your past relationships. We all have past relationships, you just have some very precious momentos from yours, the right woman will not be bothered at all by this. Im sure youll get along just fine!

I am 25 and he is 26, i am at 15 weeks. I have no idea why is wont sign these papers, i think its just to make my life horrible, and also I feel like he doesnt want to have this burden on him of knowing that he had anything to do with an abortion. We have always agreed that if a mistake like this happened that we would have it taken care of, i just finished college and I havent gotten a good job yet, I am teaching so im out for the summer and taking this time to look for a better job in which i can use my degree in, i am not even making enough to support myself. He hasnt held a job in over a year. I am ready to move out of this town, and now have the facilities to do so, if I kept the baby I just wouldnt be able to provide for it, and Im not the motherly type. I never want kids. He knows all of this, so I feel like he is trying to make it hard on me. Plus, I think he is afraid hes going to have to pay something if he puts his name on paper, even though I have told him that im paying for it. You dont have to have permission in most places in Georgia, but some places especially in the nearby city, ask for the fathers consent and phone number, I think they do this to curve the amt. of procedures that they actually perform, because its not even advertised that they offer these services.

so today, the cops in our very rural town had a big drug bust...my dad called to tell me that the copper chopper landed by his house and it was neat if i wanted to come and watch. they were searching for drugs. I freaked out, caues I have suspected that my ex was growing marijuana... my heart stopped i was so scared. so i drove down to my dads, and as i go by my ex's moms house (where he lives) thats where about 5 police cars were parked...but there were no cops around. He was standing in in the road looking towards the woods where i presume the cops were. I stopped and told him to get in. But he just shook his head. I said what is it? and he said "are they busting T. or something." which is another guy who lives near us whos known for growing dope. anyways i said, "how should i know, lets go for a ride, i want to talk to you." he just shook his head no. I about died. Then i got the papers from the backseat and said, well come sign this. (consent for abortion so i dont have to go out of town and have it done without the fathers consent.) and he said, "no mail it to me." i had emailed him last month and told him i needed this, to meet me at a store to sign it or something. and i never heard back from him. i just figured he didnt have that email anymore. he knew when he left that i had missed my period, and i was out of work for a week wondering how i was going to tell him, and i was just so depressed and really just wanted to die, cause i knew he was going to leave. i didnt get out of bed for 2 days. all he said was "im sorry you feel bad" and then started staying overnite at his moms house.which a week later turned into him moving back in with her. they have a sick relationship...im not even getting into that. so anyways...he just walked off from my car, i yelled fine, then you can just have a kid in 7 months. he jsut kept walking. i want to hate him so bad! i mean i havent asked him for ANYTHING...i am having to pay for this procedure on my own ($400), and if i wait a few more weeks its gonna cost almost double to have it done, and I am now going to have to go to another city where they will do it without the fathers consent, which is 2 hours away...and all because this jerk wouldnt sign one little form. I dont know what he is thinking. He doesnt want a child either. and he knows i wont have it. he jsut expects me to deal with it on my own and it is totally unfair. I wish i could just hate him, but i still love him so much. seeing him and how he treated me just hurts so bad! and i feel like such a fool to continue to care for him so much. i just want to go numb...to stop the pain. I hate myself for even being in this position. I just want to die. I hate him so much but i love him. im so messed up and just want to literall go to sleep and never wake up. i know if i mail this to him, hes just gonna take it to my family. this is a small town everyone is so religious...im in the deep south and abortion is a big no-no...if he takes it to my parents they will have me committed and i will have no choice but to have the kid. i hate my life. ive never wanted to die so bad! i just keep thinking tomorrow will be a better day, but it will not. i will still have the same problems. So ive been cutting like crazy to try and dull the pain, and that makes me hate myself even more...its just a never ending cycle.

eh, ive had this problem, i went from one extreme to the next...was with a guy about that size (pinky) and then with a Ron Jeremy sized one lmao...literally, my friends didnt believe me so i took pics of him, his nickname is now PSD as in Porn Star D...well u get it. But the sex with the lil guy was just as good (ok not nearly but it was ok), he knew how to work it...and i tried not to focus on the actual penetration, but the part of us being together. he was very passionate and we just made it work. if you like him and care about him, just make the best of it. good luck!

well...it sounds to me like it is just a habit he had developed. I was married for only 3 years, and my husband beat and raped me. it was a terrible divorce and trust me I hate him. But sometimes I found myself telling Will that I loved him as a reflex or habit sometimes, as bad as that sounds its true, and maybe two or three times Ive accidently called him by my exes name. But I love Will very much. We were together before I married as teenagers...and trust me its love. Its just hard to break habits, and with your name beginning with the same sound, im sure its just hard for him to break that habit. Im sorry that it hurts your feelings, but try to see his side of it. havent you ever had a habit? I always say "ok bye love ya" when i get off of the phone with my parents...and i have been talking to them so much lately that I have accidently said it to other people on the phone! yes, even the car mechanic!!! it was sooo embarrassing. hope this helps!