lonely days

Good point Talo, How do you go about deconstucting the first mental construct or not even constructing it in the first place. How do you learn to take things in stride and live with a " it is what it is " frame of mind. N.J Ron, I understand that it takes time and I have made some major changes in how I live and approach life in general. It's been almost a year and i am beginning to run short on patience for things to begin developing in my life and for my future. I guess I have hit a plateau in my personal growth and must continue to be persistent with everything i have been doing to improve as an individual.

Talo, That is a great way to look at things. I have this quote written down " there are no ordinary moments " and I try and think that way but it can be difficult to always be in that frame of mind. It is something that I struggle with daily. I know that resistance creates suffering and my only problem in my life is my minds resistance to life as it unfolds. Now if I could only practice what I know, everything could be alright.

It's been almost 10 months since my breakup with my live in girlfriend of 5 years. I've come along way since it all happened but I am still somewhat lost as to where to go in my life at this point. I have been in no contact for almost 4 months, I've been off drugs for almost 10 months, I am in better shape at 29 then I was at 18, I go to councilling once a week and participate in an EEG biofeedback program ( a non medicicinal form of treating depression), I have reconnected with friends and family, I read alot of self help books and I get out and enjoy myself on weekends but something still is not right. Even though my ex cheated on me, she still seemed to come out on top, she got the house and all the household items, our beloved dog is with her, she got the car and a new boyfriend six months ago. Myself on the other hand is living with my parents, I am working a dead end job, my career is back in the area where we were living and I am lonely as I have ever been. It just does not seem fair, I am jealous of the fact that she is probaly very happy with my replacement and they are enjoying alot of the things I worked to get for myex and I. I have met some girls and have had a few random hookups in the past few months but that just leaves me feeling empty. I am a fairly attractive guy with a big heart but I am definitely no push over and I can't seem to meet any cool girls that are into me and believe me when I say that looks aren't the only thing I look for. I am outgoing and friendly and have no problem approaching or talking to anyone. I don't know what to do with my life in order to get any satisfaction, I am lonely alot of the time and I really got hurt with the way my ex ended things. I miss my old life and my ex/best friend. I know I need to make some big changes in my life but I do not know where to start or what I really want to do with my life. My options are endless and I don't know how to narrow it down to short and long term goals. Don't get me wrong I am happier now with all of the changes that I have made, especially getting off the dope and I would not take my ex back if she begged but where do I go from here? how do I get over the feeling of betrayal and jealousy? and how do I forgive myself for some of the things I did in the relationship that helped cause it's demise? Sorry for the long post but I would appreciate any feedback whatsoever!

Bounder, something in your thread ( especially your last line ) reminded me of a great quote from a book called Way of the Peaceful Warrrior by Dan Millman. I read this qoute fairly regularily to help put things in perspective. " There is no need to search; achievement leads to nowhere. It makes no difference at all, so just be happy now! Love is the only reality of the world, because it is all one you see. And the only laws are paradox, humor and change. There is no problem, never was and never will be.Release your struggle, let go of your mind, throw away your concerns and relax into the world. No need to resist life; just do your best. OPen your eyes and see that you are far more than you imagine. You are the world, you are the universe; you are yourself and everyone else too! It's all the marvelouse play of god. Wake up and regain your humor. Don't worry you are already free! " I hope you can relate to that in some small way. and always remember there are no ordinary moments.

I am happy with all sizes of women as long as they take care of their body and are healthy. There are many different frame sizes, but if they take care of themselves and lead an active life they are alright with me. Not everyone is capable of being a size 4 not matter how well they eat and how much they exercise.

Well she called back and I was not home. So I returned her call 3 days ago and left another message but I have yet to hear back again. Do I wait until she returns the message or do I try her again in a few days? I guess it was a good sign that she called back the first time because my message was very clear as to what I was calling about.

I have been hanging around with an old group of friends lately and one of the girls kept asking about me. If i was going to be around that night and what not. So I had the impresision that she was interested in me. I asked one of my friends for her number and gave her a call on her cell and there was no answer, so I left a message simply stating that it was lonely days calling to see if she wanted to go out one night this week, left my phone number and hung up. I have yet to hear back from her, I was wondering if I should call again or leave it at that?

Okay I called sara on her cell and there was no answer, so I left a message and have yet to hear back from her. Do I call agin or do I walk away?

My eyes that change colour from green to brown depending on the day and I can do a mean ironing job on the most wrinkled shirts!

Think of all of the people who end up together who were friends first. Every girl I have been in a long term relationship with, I have know and been friends with before we were romantically involved.

It's not the issue of calling her or not. I have no fear when it comes to those things. I guess my post is more or less trying to figure out why girls or guys do certain things when interested in someone. More of a psycology of attration and flirting question.

I would have but the opportunity did not present itself due to the fact that she kept taking off everytime we got into a conversation. And she really has no reason to be anooyed because that was only the second time we have been around each other in a long time

Last weekend I went to a cottage party with a bunch of old friends who i have not seen in atleast 5 years. I was talking to a girl that I knew from high school just joking around and flirting I'll call her sara. On the way back from the cottage my buddy who gave me a ride told me that sara was asking about me and was intrigued by me and seemed pretty interested. It was a nice ego boost considering my bad break up 9 months ago, especially due to the fact that sara is really attractive and a pretty cool person. Fast forward to yesterday the same group of friends had a backyard pool party and BBQ and I could not make it until 6:00pm when the party started at 1:00pm. When i got there the same buddy that drove me home the previous weekend told me that sara kepy asking if I was going to be there. So i figure it's on.. The weird thing is I would talk to sara for a couple of minutes and then she would head over to somewhere else to sit. This happened about 5 or 6 times throughout the evening. I really don't think she is shy and i definitely was not following her around trying to talk to her all night. I guess what I am asking is if she was interested in me would she not be wanting to talk for longer periods of time or was this some little game to see if I would chase her around for her attention all night. I believe if i asked her out that she would say yes. I just found it really odd and i was hopinh for some insight on the whole scenario.

You don't owe her anything. I think it would be best not to send anything or even acknowledge her birthday. It seems she has moved on and maybe you should start trying to do the same thing. Believe me I know first hand that it is easier said then done. Keep your chin up!

I'll respond to your question with another question. Would she send you a card or acknowledge your birthday after everything that has happened?