adideas

So my best friend & business partner went through this "thing" recently. She said she was tired and needed a break. She had been ugly with her words and downright hurtful. She took a two week break and came back a new woman. She really has been in a good mood. But it seems that things are still not back to normal with us. There's just something a little off. I know I feel differently, like I need to keep her at arms length. I just walked up on her desk and she quickly closed an email she was working on. It had text in red and black. It looked kind of like a contract but I'm not sure. So now I'm in super-hyper overdrive anxiety -- again! Is she quitting? Am I just worrying? Should I worry? Our relationship is SOOOO very complicated and complex both personally and in business. I want to trust her. I was beginning to again but just walking up on that & her closing it that fast made me feel like she's hiding something. My stomach hurts. I've been using this mantra: it is what it is and I am what I am. It's not working today. Truly, I have not stopped being her friend and supporting her 100%. I don't want to change that. Just needed to vent. If you have suggestions, please help!

how old are you?

I have two friends that I just found out were having an affair with each other for the past 1 1/2 years. We all work together. She has never been married and is a single mother. The guy I've known for 15 years. He was married, got divorced, got back together with his x and is living with her. They have two kids and that's why he says they are getting back together. He's always cheated on his wife. But just bought her an engagement ring and is proposing to her in a couple of weeks. So he has broke it off with my friend. She is devistated. She says she knows he's a liar and cheat and could never trust him if they ever got together. But she is still hurt. She keeps asking me for advice, which I've given her but haven't come up with anything really earth shattering. Even today, he tried to get her to tell him she loved him or at least had feeling for him (deep feelings) and then told her he has never felt that way about her. Just crazy mind games. Since we all work together and I'm the only one who knows, it makes it really uncomfortable. He doesn't know I know and I've been sworn to secrecy. What can I tell her to make her feel better?

I suck. I'm weak. I called and left a message at 1. At 2:30 she texted me back and said what's up. I replies that I wanted to talk. I have't heard another word. It's 5. Oh well. Should have listened to all of you.

I hear you and I want to do that. I really do. But two things: 1. I feel almost like a battered wife. I know I'm going to get beat but at least I know it. And it's hard to move on. I know our friendship. I know there is a good person in her. I know what she is capable of. I just don't understand how she can be mean and spiteful just for the sake of being mean. 2. Who am I not to forgive her? Who am I to hold grudges against her? If I hold this hurt and anger in my heart am I not stooping to her level? Jesus would forgve her, am I better than Jesus? I know she hasn't asked for forgiveness and as I write this I get that even Jesus waits for us to ask for forgiveness. Why do I value this relationship so much? She knows me well. But I do think there is a hardness in her heart. I watched ShopGirl Friday night and at the end where Steve Martin was talking about how he tried so hard to keep her at a distance so he wouldn't miss her when she was gone and then he missed her after all. I know that's how she will feel. I know somewhere in her heart she will miss having that unconditional friendship that I have given her all these years. So often over the years, at least 4 or 5 times, she has tried to push me away. She has questioned my motives. This sucks and hurts. And again this year I am at a place where I don't know how to handle something. How to make things right. I'm stronger than this but I feel desperate to hold on. HELP!

You sound like an amazing person. One who has someone just as amazing waiting for her to be announced at just the right time. I hope you're not still with this guy when THE ONE shows up because he may shrug his shoulders and say, "oh, well. she's taken" and go find someone else. Life is short. You are young. If you don't trust this guy then don't stay with him. If you get hit by a bus tomorrow will you be glad you spent 9 months of your life with him? YOU are amazing, cute, kind and giving. You DESERVE just as amazing of a guy. They are out there. Just keep your eyes and your heart open.

So my best friend of 10 years who works with me told several people on Friday that she thought I was classless. She doesn't go out with the staff for dinner/drinks ever. I did on Thursday night and bought people a drink (shot). She heard about it and made a big deal of it at work on Friday when I wasn't there. A way bigger deal than should have been made. It was one drink to say goodbye to a client we had lost of toast our future. She was invited and chose not to attend. We were supposed to go do something yesterday and I called twice. She didn't answer but finally her BF did. He was nice but weird so I know she told him something. I was letting them know that my son was sick and I couldn't attend. Before I could get anything out, he started talking over me and asking if I was at the hospital. If I needed to go to the hospital. If my husband was home. Weird. We had talked about a late lunch today and I want to call her but everything in me says not to. BUT I WANT TO! Just to see if she'll answer and what she'll say. I know she won't go. I feel so obsessed with her when she treats me like this like I want everything to be right and if I just talk to her I can make it that way. I don't know what to do. I don't feel like I did anything wrong but I feel guilty just the same. She's so opinionated and judgmental with me in my actions. Then she does the thing that she knows hurts me most, she cuts me off. What do I do?

It really doesn't matter because whatever your GRAND PLAN is with it's timing, it doesn't usually match God's plan. So relax and let it happen when it's supposed to happen.

thank you so much. my stomach is in knots too. I seem to not be able to relax at all. I really appreciate your advice. I look at her and she doesn't have hardly any close friends. I am one of her few except now for her BF (who is absolutely wonderful). So I wonder why she would intentionally try to burn our friendship that has been so very close for 10 years. Thanks for your insite. I hadn't thought of that.

It is certainly easy to accidentially make a comment or a look that hurts and discourages her from working out. I have gained weight in the last couple of years due to stress - I eat when I'm stressed. My husband has accidentally made comments or looked at me in a way and all it does is make me discouraged and want to eat more and not care about my looks. And, yes, the sex is pretty infrequent. HOWEVER, I can tell you how I'm losing weight that is great! Go buy the Beachbody DVD's for her. That will take about 45 minutes a day. And at least an hour on the treatmill a day (she'll have to work up to that). And eat 6 small meals a day. I've done the South Beach and also the Michael Thurman Get America Fit thing. They are basically the same - 6 small meals, not a whole lot of carb, lots of veggies and lean protein. It's a catch 22 - she has no energy because she's over weight. So she has to exercise to get energy. Tell her to push play on a video, get out with you and the dog for a walk. Just get moving. YOU, go buy a book called the Great American Sex Diet. In 30 days you will rekindle the romance and sex in one shot. You'll love it! Good luck!

Hi - How does one not get jaded in today's world? I look around and I wonder where is the loyalty to anything or anyone. I am not tooting my own horn by any means, but I truly try to be loyal. What is God trying to teach me right now? What lesson is looming? It seems all at once -- literally in the last couple of months -- my whole world has changed. Everything seemed to be going so well. I have four main managers that work in the company I own. Four people who have been with me 13, 10, 10, 7 years. These four people I would trust with my life. One is in my will to take my son if I should die. And sadly, she is the one who has hurt me most. I don't know what to do. I love her and she is my best friend. But lately she has just become mean. She wants to leave the company and is trying to sabotage our relationship in the process. She is getting married to a wonderful man whom I introduced. Last night I went to dinner with the staff, I bought a few people a tequilla shot to "celebrate" losing our 2nd largest account. (HUGE financial hit) Today she found out about it and called me "classless" to several staff memebers. Today I found out she had been interviewing for other jobs several years ago. SHE IS SUPPOSED TO GET MY SON! Why would she break my trust? Today one of the (7) showed up at my house at 7 a.m. crying her eyes out telling me that she and married (13) have been having an affair for over a year. (13) has just gotten back with his x-wife in the last 6 months and is planning to get re-married. They've broken up and now she wants to leave the company. What is wrong with 13? He was having an affair when he got back together with his wife? The 10's have a pact to leave if the other leaves and the other 10 is very ill. She is the only one who I understand because she wants to be close to her family. Our contact for our 3rd largest client got fired after 9 years last week. I am just recovering and learning to trust again my husband after his "relationship" with "friends". I know 10 wants to leave. I'm hurt. And not just leave the job but leave our friendship---our Oprah/Gail King relationship. Why is she saying such mean things to me and behind my back? Am I going to loose the company that I have built for 15 years? Will my relationship survive? Where is my crystal ball. Why can't life just be fun and smooth? If you are committed enough to read this much, thank you. Please help. I'm hurting.

How very sweet and niave of you. You are right it MIGHT not lead to that and that MIGHT be making a jump. But logically if someone has such an addiction at such a young age then their personality dictates a SERIOUS bent toward addictions. thereforeeee, the leap is not as grand as it may seem. Addictions, including cigarettes, are a sign of weakness. If you are weak in one area then temptation in other areas are not far behind. Exposing yourself to porn once in a while is fun -- admittedly. But being addicted to it is another story. Visiting a strip club once in a blue moon -- fun as well. Hanging out there til when you walk in people call your name like Norm--not good. Putting yourself in situations where your morals are comprimised causes you to make decisions that may not be your best. Putting tempation in your face on a regular basis is hard to deflect. It's not a broad jump when you hang in a strip club where drugs and girls are easy to find that this guy with the addictive personality might be tempted to go one step further. First porn, then strippers, of course, alcohold, then drugs. See the progression? The bottom line on this issue is: Is this girl willing to make these kind of sacrifices in her choices for a mate at this young age? If she's making allowances now for these kinds of addictions what kind of allowances will she be making in the future? She needs to find enough value in herself now to not allow a guy to be in her life that does this. Sorry, but this is reality.

Exactly what I said! She's so happy right now. I'm so proud for her!

I posted a few weeks ago that my best friend was discouraged because she couldn't find anyone to date -- I'll copy the post below. Well....on a flight back from Louisville and made goo goo eyes with this flight attendant in the airport. We started talking about it and when we saw him on the plane, I got up and went and started up a conversation. Come to find out, we all live in the same city, he was single and now they've gone on 4 dates and spent about 100 hours on the phone. So far, haven't found anything wrong with him. She's jazzed -- very positive for the first time in a while -- seems to have a bounce in her step now! SO...see, just when you think nothing's happening -- bam! A good looking guy (was in the Olympics, now less!) shows up and is pretty wonderful! YEA for her! PREVIOUS POST My best friend is turning 33. She is absolutely georgous, blonde, smart, is VP of Operations for her company and quite alone. It is such a mystery why she cannot find an amazing guy. She goes out and meets people very easily and I know she's not crazy; actually very well adjusted. She is extremely ethical ---more than me actually -- very confident and just an all around fun girl. SO...what up? Where do you meet an amazing guy that's not nuts, poor, moocher, loser, stuck on himself, abuser, cheater or generally not a good guy? I know everyone seems to be doing the internet dating thing but it just seems a little desperate. She was in a relationship for two years where she spent being the giver and supported him -- far above and beyond -- for this guy who just took extreme advantage of her. She's such a "good catch" I just hate to see her alone. Although I tell her that she will meet someone when she least expects it, I know her "clock" is ticking. Now she's talking that she's cursed because every guy she meets is nuts or has such baggage. She deserves so much more. She's been lucky in every other way. Even I'm beginning to think that most of the men out there are crazy. What do you think?

Completely agree with shadow light. Unfortunately life is not on our timeline. Neither is God when he answers our prayers. Things come into your life for reasons we cannot explain but know everything happens for a reason. Even without this child, the way you will change from the time you are 23 to 28 is immesuarable. Your values, wants, and needs will change. You will begin (yes, I said begin) to find yourself and who you are. This is just a slap into reality and you have to step up to the plate and start becoming the person you are meant to be. Part of that person is now a father. Everyone has something to give. Even you! This will be the one person in the world who will look at you and love you unconditionally. You will be their hero. You will be their world. And you will be shaping the person they become. SURELY, there is something good you can pass along. What if this is your only legacy. The only thing you leave behind that this world will remember you by. The only impact that will truly make a difference and you CHOOSE to turn your back on it because you're not ready? My child was not planned. And parenting is hard -- even at 40! -- and even in a two parent household. But it is a choice we make everytime we take a risk and have sex. Someone said to me, life is about choices and then how you deal with the consequences. Keep in touch!