Cuppedia

Wow!, that was a very good answer, thanks a lot!.

Hello, I need help figuring this out. How do you know when the relationship you had was a rebound?, What changes that makes you realize you were rebounding?, Is there any "wake up" sign that makes you see it?, any feeling that only rebounds give?. Thanks.

Hello, I posted here many days ago about a relationship that ended, it's amazing how when time passes our own words seem to belong to somebody else, I recommend to any person having problems with relationships to give things time and get perspective. In the past days I think I realized some things about my feelings of jealousy and will share them here in case they can help. I think jealousy begins, ends and lives out of comparing ourselves. It seems for jealousy to exist there's always a third party involved, be it real or fictitious and if we have low self esteem that third party (or third parties) will seem to threaten us, to make us feel bad about ourselves, and we'll put the blame in everybody but us, and it's not about blaming really, it's about knowing we have a place, it's not a fight or a contest, we should be happy and accept ourselves how we are. We often think jealousy goes with love, even love for ourselves, we try to justify it, but I think it's better if we take a cold look at things, that way we not only can get rid of jealousy but we can discover many things to become healthier in our relationship with others.

Thank you lady for the reply, every word you said makes sense, I wish my ex was all the perfect I imagined but it's a fact he has used guilt in the past with me. I just didn't want to be "enemies" with him like last time, but I should possibly ignore him, if it can't happen then I should let go of that too.

Hello, in short I ended my LD relationship with my boyfriend out of jealousy for the relationship he had when we weren't together years ago and I thought he wasn't doing (again) all he could or even did for the other girl. Anyway, now he said we should be friends, fine, but some days he replies others not, that's fine too, today he sent a mail in which I had pretty much accepted all my blame and he replied I was right, he admitted to do nothing wrong, insisted he was a nice person and suddenly became defensive to every word I said, twisted them around and dumped it all on me, I know I made the decision but he's the one who can't even move closer to me because he's paying the ex debts. This happened last time too, back then he got angry and asked me to leave him alone, which I did, what's the mistake I keep making at the end?. I have only tried to do the best, be mature, I don't think it's important to know or state who is to blame now, it's over, why the fights?. Sorry, I go to the point, how do I deal with it?, I don't want to have guilt or regrets about this again, I want things to end in a good way but his comments make me wonder how, how do I answer to him?. All I want is for him to be okay and not mess him up more. Thank you for reading.

I understand. I would just try to fix things once more, remind her you did try to keep the friendship and offer to be there if she changes her mind about continuing to be friends but in a more mature level. I think it's important she doesn't "go" with that attitude of "we're no longer friends". It might not work anymore but for the good times you have spent together it would be nice if you didn't end the friendship but just agreed to follow different paths.

It's not an easy situation but it might help if you don't fall for the "choose my roommate or my friend" trap. Your best friend is not being very considerate, maybe she feels jealous that you will be paying more attention (in any sense) to your roommate, so if you talked to her, told her that she's your best friend and that nothing will change that it might alleviate tension. Let her know this is like a formal contract, you owe respect to the person you share the place with, you ask for her understanding but if she still acts carelessly then you might have to distance yourself a bit from either. Maybe when your roommate makes a party you try to not be around, or talk less to your best friend until she starts behaving a bit. Just an idea.

Sorry, I meant that I'm out of place in feeling bad and jealous, I guess I'm being very irrational, it narrows down to me feeling very confused. That's all I was trying to say.

You are very very right. I guess I'm just completely out of place.

Thanks for the reply, answering to the questions, some are things I have asked myself, so, if debts were of other kind yes I might be more understanding, but seeing he got tons of them just for moving with this girl makes me feel neglected, it's bad I know, feeling angry that he's not willing to get in debt for me... And if there was a new guy or not makes no difference, just adds to the confusion...; I'm not happy with waiting a year and a half, it'll be 7 years since this started, and it's in the same place for different reasons. But yes, I know what you are saying and I know it's a jealousy problem, maybe more than a love problem but I don't know how to control my feelings.

Hello, I came here about a year ago for a problem I had getting over my ex boyfriend's past but I lost the password to my account so I'll explain the problem from the beginning, sorry it's long. I had a long distance relationship with a him in our late teens, it lasted 3 years until I decided it was too difficult for me and I ended it. I didn't hear from my ex in 4 years, I did contact him but he was in a relationship and didn't answer back. When his relationship ended he contacted me, we talked, things worked again (as much as they could considering we live an ocean away) and we agreed on taking things slowly, my doubts are basically that I still remember what happened when we weren't together and I'm still not sure I'll be able to overcome it, so I wanted to give it time before planning on moving to his country or anything permanent like that. But, after I went to visit him and things went well it seems we need to wait 1 year and a half until he sorts his financial problems before we can consider being together for more than a few weeks in a row, I am very angry, some debts are from trips and objects from his past relationship, he moved in with her just 5 months after we had broken up, why am I seen as I can wait?. I could get a job and move there but I feel that would be me doing everything. To make matters worse there's a guy that I met just before my ex appeared the second time, I am very attracted to him, I left him as a friend when I decided to try things with my ex, now I feel I want to be single to give this guy a chance, even if I'm almost sure it won't work. I feel I'm being evil, I hurt him a lot in the past and I really wanted to do this right, I don't want to mess him up, I just don't want to spend one year only seeing my ex for 2 months in that time (like this year) and seeing this is not moving forward, I don't want to get married just for the sake of it, but I think this is like being "on hold". I do love my boyfriend, but I'm not happy and cannot think of any solutions, I know if we end he'll again say he'll wait for me and again will be in a relationship in no time, it's win or lose, that's fine as I don't want to keep him there when things don't work, I just don't know what to do, we had plans of working together, it's too difficult to handle and end and he has mentioned he would be emotionally devastated if it happened. What am I supposed to do?.