alc16

You rarely cross my mind.. If I didn't have to drive by your place everyday I'm not sure if I would think about you at all. Everything about you is finally out of my life, officially deleted your number and your text thread. I had a wonderful time this weekend.. It didn't go as planned but it was good. I have met more new people in the past 3 months then I did in the 3 years we were together.. Not only did I go out with friends, but I can now bring them over whenever.. I can't express how happy that makes me, I missed this soooo much. I think this is the last time I am going to post about you for awhile.. It feels like I don't need to anymore.

I'm not doing this because I'm sad.. I'm doing this because it would down right rude to text you about how happy I am lol, but oh so tempting. I'm doing good.. Your text last night didn't effect me at all. I'm genuinely happy, but when you do cross my mind it is usually anger because I think about all the lies you told everyone, how horrible you made me out to be.. They'll never know the truth, nevermind believe it.. I guess I'll have to get used to that. I remember before you moved out.. I came home with ice spheres and you went on a rampage about how I was just going to throw parties and be a wh*re when you moved out. Well, its been 2 months and I haven't been a wh*re.. I have partied a bit but this weekend will the first time I throw a party since you moved out. It feels good to not feel embarrassed about the apartment anymore.. Why? Because I finish what I start unlike you. The entrance doesn't smell like old beer, with bags of cans leaking all of the floor in the porch, there will be nobody to complain about every music but his.. You kept saying I took your friends, they were your friends first.. Clearly they saw something they liked better in me.. They were the ones the would tell me to leave you, and they didn't know the half of it. They are the only reason why I don't regret dating you..

You stood in my kitchen a month ago and said you had no interest in being with anyone. That you loved me, and always would. You wanted to focus on your life, get a house etc. A week later you got caught on plenty of fish, then the car appeared. I knew immediately. My heart sank, I have done nothing for 2 days. Thank god K was around friday night, I don't know how I would of done the whole weekend alone. I can't figure out this feeling. I don't want you, I don't really miss you.. I kinda miss having someone around to talk to.. But I feel so crushed. Am I surprised you are with someone? Nope, I knew it was coming.. Everything that comes out of your mouth is a lie. Do I wish it was me? Nope. Am I jealous? Maybe.. I don't know and its so god damn confusing. I can't even figure out what stage of grief I am in.. and your out sleeping with some you were probably talking to when we were together. Remembering how stupid, selfish and arrogant you are makes it feel a bit better.. Its so weird being okay one day, then horrid the next.

It is taking everything I have not to tell you I'm sorry for being rude the last time we spoke. I've been pretty lonely this past week.. I've had nothing to distract myself and it really sucks coming back to empty apartment. I don't think I miss you, just the presence you had in my life. No one is there.. Nobody to share things with about my day, nothing. It feels like I will never be close with anyone ever again, not friends, not an S/O.. Nobody. Nobody has ever known me like you do and its really f***ing frustrating right now.

You honestly think that I would want to hang out with you? We last spoke 2 weeks ago when I laughed at your sad attempts to lure me back in. You were trying to be so nice, and it took alot for me to do it but I mean't what I said.. Their is no friendship without trust and respect, and you do not respect me and I do not trust you. I'm so tempted to text you and tell you I'm sorry for how rude I was, and this leads me here. I do not need to apologize, you deserve every bit of hurt your going through right now. You made your bed, lay in it. I just need to keep telling myself this. I'm glad you text though, I finally got my feelings off my chest is a constructive way.. You needed to know, and now maybe you will make the effort to move on with your life too..

Haha, I thought I was getting over you.. Nope. I AM over you. K finding you on POF made me realize that. I laughed considering it hasn't even been a month since you moved out, and maybe a week since you text confessing your love for me while I ignored you. Then another conformation was when you text me an hour after K viewing you, about an hour after a picture was posted to facebook.. I have you blocked but I know you have her. "I miss you blah blah blah". You knew I was drinking, you knew I was having a good time and just like the ass you are you tried to ruin my night. Nope, then and there is when I knew I was over you.. That from now on I'm going to send your mail back instead of letting you know its here and block your number. If your too stupid to change your address that is your issue. I would like to thank ENA, the majority of people here were very helpful and supportive.

That wave of loneliness was short thankfully.. I painted the kitchen last night and it looks great! Have to finish up the cupboards and trim tonight. Also got some great news, that friend you were always so jealous of is going to rent the spare room! Yay for not having to live with someone I don't know or be poor. I text you about coming to get your stuff, but you keep "forgetting".. Keep forgetting, make it just in time to see how happy I am, how things are looking good for me.. How nice the apartment looks now that I can do what I want with it, and the porch isn't filled with beer cans. I'm not one for rubbing things in people's faces, but you looked me in the eye and told me I couldn't do it on my own.. I couldn't afford the apartment, I couldn't do this, I couldn't do that.. I can, I did, and I will continue to while you live in a dumpy apartment with your junkie childhood best friend. Look at you both -- 42 and have nothing to show for it. Left behind by the only 2 women would actually cared enough to try to help you..

For some reason I'm going through a second wave of loneliness.. I don't miss you, I actually rarely think about you.. But I do miss having someone to talk to all the time.. I realize now how far my friends and I have grown apart.. I guess I have to get used to living alone. I've taken up comfort in playing alot of NHL on Xbox one..

15 days moved out, almost 2 months since I broke it off. I feel great, it doesn't feel like its only been 2 weeks considering I was a mess the first few days. At first I questioned whether I was forcing myself to feel great, but I realized you rarely cross my mind.. I've just been going about my normal life. I don't feel the need to text you, I don't wonder what your doing or who your with.. Maybe its because I'm focusing on replacing everything in the apartment and painting, I don't know.. But I like it. No more fighting, no more piles of dishes, no more giant messes, no more bed on the floor.. Woot!

The worst part about this is the feeling of being alone.. waking up alone, going to bed alone. I think that was the real reason I hung out with you.. There is just this emptyness I can't explain, and I keep reminding myself that empty feeling will go away, and its a better feeling then being belittled and harassed.

It's been 10 days since you moved out. I was completely crushed, and I was stupid and awkwardly hung out with you twice. All you have done is text me how much you love me and your changing.. I didn't have the heart to tell you there was no chance.. Why? I didn't want to hurt you.. But you deserve it. But I think I also needed to be reminded why I did not want to be with you, and I now have come back to reality. Our conversation last night reminded me people like you don't change, and my head and gut are way better judges then my heart. What a rollercoaster of emotion this turned out to be. My head is back on my shoulders and its time to do me.

You just left from getting the last of your stuff.. I'm sad again but I'm holding myself together. I can see weekends are going to be the worst while I get used to this.. So many hours in a day.

2 days until you move.. Up the god damn street.. Really? A whole city.. I know its not big but the same street? You have to drive by everyday to pick up a coworker before work.. I will be driving by your house everyday for work.. I feel like you did it on purpose.. There are plenty of apartments everywhere in this town, for cheaper... And I know how cheap you are.

You think I'm cold and whatever else because I moving on, showing no emotion.. Fixing up the apartment.. Its truly just keeping my mind of things, and preventing me from forgiving you and giving you yet another chance. Sorry but I gotta look out for myself before your feelings.

I'm sitting in the living room, you in the bedroom.. Balling my eyes out because I just realized I didn't get to say good bye to S today and I wont get to see her again.. My only hope is the fact we live in a small town.. Seeing her somewhere with you or her mom.. I have her on one of my social media accounts, so maybe I can keep in touch there.. But how, its so awkward.. I know she is mature and understands.. It just hurts.