darklich14

wow.. thanks guys... raykay in particular... That's quite inspiring. I'm just confused right now. I shouldn't be. I feel like I know myself better than ever right now, but I also feel like I'm farther away from achieving anything useful anytime soon. I guess that's what you go through when you graduate.

I considered that..... Man... what a crock this place is! I think I'm ready to move out.

Are any of you longer-termed married couples (5+ years) capable of saying "My wife/husband is my best friend and I take whole-hearted advice from them regularly in many aspects of my life?" I'm just struggling so much with the whole point of life and the concepts of relationship and marriage and friendship and purpose and everything. I want my purpose to be in something solid, and not just to divert myself from boredom. I'm a christian, and I pray and read the bible, and attend church, and appreciate every proton, neutron, electron, quark, and photon God's blessed us with, but sometimes it still feels like the whole purpose thing eludes me. I'm about to enter a well-paying job, and move away from home, and I'm thinking to myself, "what in the WORLD are we all doing here?!" Wow, that went from marriage to existential confusion pretty quickly. Anyway. Any words?

Yeah. Gross. Get out of that now. He doesn't deserve to be married or to have your attention for one second.

Read my sig

I think you struggle with many of the same things I do in social situations. I tend to make friends more around what I do in my life, rather than friends just for the sake of friends. I've got a few kinda loose friends like that, but they really don't fill my time. It's hard to have it all. I guess that's why I miss having a girlfriend so much -- because they add spice to the more mundane parts of life, like eating meals and going to class. Plus, they care about how your experiences with those things go (if you have a good one), where most of your other friends won't. Maybe my perspective is skewed, but in my field (computer science), it's just plain suicidal to try to make friends who will last in that. I've recently (in the last 6 months or so) become more interested in my faith and I've already made some friends who I know will stand the test of time. Perhaps something like that might help, as well.

Just be both tentative and courteous. Tell him how you feel, but don't let it be too big of a burden on yourself. And when he tells you how he feels in return, do what you need to do for him (within reason) to get what it is he wants too. Just try really hard to reciprocate and keep things balanced! Best of luck to you

It was "I need space," "You're smothering me," "I'm not getting what I want out of this relationship," "I hate you and wish I'd never met you," "I don't know what the future holds for us." Plenty of immaturity and selfishness that really makes you wonder how it could have lasted that long in the first place. In my case, it didn't really anyway beacuse we'd broken up and gotten back together a few times before this (mostly her breaking up with me). But the real signal is the lack of feeling you express... If you don't think it's right, then it's going to show and sooner or later, they're going to catch on, and it might even be unspoken, this conclusion. You're right though, there is no good way to tell someone you don't think they're the one you should marry. Most breakups boil down to some form of selfishness or another. Unfortunate, but true : (

nicorette is on target. That's the only thing I could think of with my ex. And I felt that way too. I never could bring it up with her and I always just felt like "yeahhhh, I guess I could marry her if nothing better comes along." It's weird though. I've been talking to this one girl lately, for about 2 months before I asked her if we should spend more time together before she went off for like 3 months in the summer. It's been a month and a half-ish since she left, and we've talked and emailed somewhat, and been kinda lovey-dovey. But the thing I noticed almost right off was that I started recognizing things about her that I could really truly love that could contribute to a successful marriage. She's inexperienced, but I'm patient, and I don't know where it's going, but I've started much more optimistically this time than I did with my first girl, who lasted three and a half years! Read my sig!

yeahhh.. I agree. chill out a bit!! Just enjoy the outside or something in the meantime ; )

Take a friend on that trip you'd planned to go on with her. Then have a bunch of fun and think about how much more fun you had with your friend than you would have had with her!

If your breakup wasn't mutual, and it wasn't for any apparent reason, and there was fighting in the relationship, and lots of it, and there was lack of understanding, and it happened most likely because of things that were in control of both of you together (not like a job or relocation or something)... I think you get the idea. If these things describe your breakup, then you should just move on. Don't worry about it. Those are all signs of immaturity/incompatibility in the relationship and if you're intelligent and capable of self control with and respect for someone else, your relationship wouldn't lead to that point. Just let it go. Meet more folks. Find someone who doesn't push your buttons and doesn't put you down, someone who doesn't fight for no reason, disapprove of who you are (though you need to make sure who you are is who you SHOULD be and now who you WANT to be). It's straight-forward advice that will save you so much time and headache and love for someone who is really truly deserving of it! I'm single, but I've been dumped by enough girls for enough arbitrarily stupid reasons to realize that I deserve someone who can accept the love I have to give, and who can give me a relatively similar amount of love in return! (Oh, and the girls who dump me go on to make some of the most ridiculously stupid decisions I've witnessed people make). Love's a conscious effort, so if you "fall in love," you're bound to "fall back out."

Yeah, another vote for dry sex... But I'd try to steer clear of that if you want to keep your virginity. It's very tempting to go further.. And besides. I bruised my penis that way. It was quite scary! Just exercise self control and all will be well!

Generosity will make you the popular fellow. However, try it with people who are in need, and not so much people who you think will intellectually stimulate you. If you want friends just for yourself, that's kinda backwards. Be truly genuinely helpful to someone, and it'll reciprocate. Just make sure you have purpose in your friends and they'll be your friends for life.

Uhm, well, from my personal experience, I'd been on drugs all through my childhood. At some point, I was like "screw this" and decided to quit. But after my first real breakup and a year of college, I got so depressed, I was crying for no reason and eventually started thinking about suicide. Antidepressants literally saved my life... But the next step was to figure out what I needed to do to get off them and never get back on them. I got busy, made conscious efforts to solve the problems I thought were out of my control, etc. 3 years later, I've got a job secured, and I'm about to graduate from GA Tech with a 3.3. I didn't need them other than for a short period of time and I know that nobody should need them more than a few months at most -- MAYBE a year if they've really gone way down.. But I'd consider considering suicide considerably way down : P. Be strong, use them as little as you need, and keep your psychie updated on how you're doing and all. God bless you!