I'm finding it somewhat difficult at present to name what I think is a problem of mine. Among the numerous ones that I have, I have realized that one of the largest is my constant concern for what others think of me. Constant, actually, is an understatement. This problem affects me considerably. In fact, I have even gone so far as to "act" or be a certain way in my own house (even if I was the only one there), just sort of pretending as if I was being watched! Wow, I'm just remembering that I've done that sometimes. I need major help. At any rate, this problem affects me when I'm driving, when I go out, order food, walk through the mall, walk anywhere for that matter, speaking, listening, etc. Pretty much all the time and everywhere I go I can't escape wondering and caring about what other people think of me. This, is turn, makes me hide what might be my true self for fear of not being liked. I end up being very reserved in my behavior, and in conversation, and thinking, so as not to seem like I'm too much of anything. I'm just safe Jeffrey. Quiet Jeffrey. Reserved Jeffrey. Unemotional Jeffrey. Not to make light of my situation, but I think the only place where I am truly myself is in the bathroom.
I can't put a name to this disorder. I've wondered if it's low self-esteem, codependency, ego-centrism, narcissism, or something else I can't quite put my finger on. Knowing would obviously help me to understand it better and help in my search to define it and eighty-six it. If anyone out there can relate or knows what this disorder is, I would be unbelievably grateful.
Thanks in advance for your help. I'm so sick of caring about what other people think of me, yet despite this supposed fact, I can't shake it. How ironic. How moronic.
jeffrey