goddess

OMG, it just happened once that he had to go out-of-town. It was an emergency meeting, for crying out loud. It happens! And it's not about the cat. My post was asking opinions on what to do regarding a thank you card. My son now has a place that will care for his cats in case this should happen again. I don't know if you are a grandmother, but if you have a grandson who needed some help caring for his cat, I guess you would come up for an excuse for not helping because that is not your responsibility. That's what it sounds like.

Of course it bothers me that he and his grandmother don't get along over such a small thing. I have strongly suggested to him to send the stupid thank you card. But, it's his choice and decision, and he will have to live with that. I hope that he changes his mind because it would be better all around. There are worse problems in life. Best wishes to you as well.

You really are something else. You are blowing this way out of proportion. Granted, it's not her responsibility. No one said that. All I'm saying is that it would have been nice of her, and a gracious gesture, to help out her grandson in a time of need. It's not such a big inconvenience. She doesn't have a busy schedule. In fact, she oftentimes complains that she has nothing to do. So, you think it's OK for me to drive down and back, at least 8 hours, when all she had to to was drive about one hour? One hour in a day is not that big of a deal. Get real, please. And, no one said we consider her a villain. I'm just surprised that she couldn't. wouldn't do this simple task. Just like my son took time out of his busy schedule to help her with her computer issues multiple times, she could have easily returned the favour. That's what family or friends do. Lastly, I would appreciate your not labeling my son or me as entitled. That couldn't be further from the truth. You don't know me or my son. When one gives and gives and gives to someone, it's appreciated when that person gives back. In any case, thanks for your feedback.

Are you not understanding that the trip was sudden? He found out the evening before that he had to leave the next morning; early in the morning. So, he didn't have time to check out any services. He asked her if she'd be able to go the day after he left, for ONE day. That's not enough of an imposition, considering all the favours he did her for. My son is a very kind and gracious young man. He was disappointed that she couldn't even go for one day, due to circumstances. She is a very able-bodied woman. So going about 1/2 hours each way is no big deal for her. She does that all the time when she visits her daughter who also lives about 1/2 hour away. As for me, I live FOUR hours away from him, sometimes more depending on traffic. If I lived closer, it would have been my pleasure to help out. Good for you for not asking your family for help when you travel. Again, he asked for her help for one day. It is unfortunate that she couldn't go out of her way when her grandson needed help. And, I could do with your sarcasm.

With all due respect, my son didn't "assign" anything to his grandmother. He politely asked her if she'd be able to do it because that particular trip was rather sudden. He was in a bit of a jam. And, it was only for one time since he'd be gone for only 3 days. She said that she had a nail appointment in the early morning. So, why on this green earth was she not able to go in the afternoon or early evening? Also, may I reiterate that he goes out of town once and maybe (and I mean maybe) twice a year. Personally, I didn't think that was too much to ask. I certainly would have gone out of my way to help a family member. But, I have to remember that not everyone is like me. Thank you for your feedback.

My son extended the invitation to dinner once he got back from his trip. Also, he did her quite a number of favours throughout the years by going over her house to fix some computer issues that she had. He used to take her out to dinner every week but once he started his masters, he was very busy. Plus, he had to work on his thesis so the dinners became less frequent. May I reiterate again that she only offered to pay for a dinner once. That made him feel bad. Yes, he did cash the check although he told me that he was thinking of returning it. That, to me, would have been rude. OK, so his not thanking her was rude as well. I just feel bad that this has happened. The sad thing is is that she will never take a step back and contemplate how she was also in the wrong. Thanks for your input. I appreciate it.

My son takes her out to a sushi restaurant which is a favourite of hers. As anyone knows, sushi is very expensive so I think that is a kind and thoughtful gesture on his part. Like I mentioned, he rarely goes out of town, perhaps once or twice a year. So, I fail to see how that would be an imposition. After all, he is her grandson. My son felt disrespected and so he didn't send her a thank you card for the Christmas gift, which was wrong but he had had enough. I did suggest that he send her a card but he doesn't want to. He generally takes the high road but I think he's had it with her.

Thank you, TeeDee, for your feedback. Yes, he won't do anything at this point. I guess what goes around, comes around. As I mentioned to Wiseman, she honestly has no introspection skills so she'll never understand why my son feel the way he does. It's a shame.

Hi Wiseman. Yes, it's his father's mother (she's a widow). She certainly can be difficult based on my post. She seems to have no introspection skills so she will never realise how unfair/hurtful she's been towards my son. I wanted him to send the thank you just to keep the peace but I will respect my son's choice. Still, it bothers me that this has happened especially because between the two families (my ex's and mine) we have very few relatives here. Thanks for your response. Hope you are doing well.

Hi! My 29 year old son lives about 4 hours drive from me. His aunt and her family, and his grandmother live about 1/2 hour away from him. He is rather annoyed with his grandmother nowadays due to a number of reasons. He's been living by himself for 12 years now. He attended college and graduate school there. During these years, he has reached out to his grandmother and took her out to dinner quite a number of times. He paid for the dinners and was happy to do so, even while he was in school. He informed me that his grandmother paid only once. He was a bit disheartened by that fact. He rarely goes out of town for business for 3-5 days. He would ask his grandmother to please take care of his two kitties. She did a few times. However, on one occasion she forgot to go over for a couple of days. When he got home, he realised that she hadn't been over for several days and the litter box was a mess. He was quite upset. On another occasion, he asked her to come over to care for the kitties just once since he'd be away for only 3 days. She told him she had to get her nails done and couldn't go over. Me son was rather irritated with her excuse. I cannot say I blame him. She couldn't make time to go over in an entire day to do him that favour? His grandmother sent him a Christmas gift (a check). He was still annoyed with her and decided to not send her a thank you card (she doesn't know how to text). Her birthday is in March. He did not call her to wish you a happy birthday. My son's birthday is in April. She did not call him to say happy birthday. She did call my other son whose birthday is in April as well. She had been telling me that her dog was not eating for a couple of days so she was really worried. I thought something happened and that that was the reason that she didn't call my son. So, I called her and asked if everything was OK. I asked her why she hadn't called my son for his birthday. (she had been calling my sons for their birthday since they were toddlers.) She informed me that she was annoyed that my son didn't send her a card thanking her for his Christmas gift. Then, she complained that he hadn't called her for her birthday, so she didn't call him for his birthday. She did send him a gift (check). I asked him to please send a thank you card for her BD gift to him, and to take the high road. He said he's not going to because she has disappointed him. What do you think he should do? Thank you for reading this.

I completely agree. Merry Christmas, Wiseman!

I truly understand the heartache and pain that you are experiencing. Unfortunately, there is no magic pill that takes the pain away. The only thing that will help is time. How long? It depends on the individual. You will experience a roller coaster of emotions, which is normal after a loss. I will share my story with you. I was married for 29 years. He blindsided me when he asked for divorce. It felt like my whole world fell apart. I was a total mess for months. I cried and cried, couldn't sleep well at all, had trouble eating (lost 20 pounds), had trouble being interested in anything, etc. I moved out and went back one day to pick up some things that I left behind only to find an extra pillow on my bed, a toothbrush on my sink, extra towels. That was 11 days after I moved out! He had already someone stay overnight. There are no words that fully describe how I felt. Slowly, and I mean slowly, I began to heal. I focused on hobbies that made me happy. In my case, all my friends turned their backs to me. Really ***ty thing to do, for sure. However, I had my two amazing sons, my brother and his wife, my ex MIL and my ex SIL who comforted me and supported me in my time of need. It's been 4.5 years since my divorce and I can honestly say that I feel so much better nowadays. I don't cry anymore, I rarely think of him. Once in a while, I will think of some good times but I learned to stop that. It serves no purpose. Instead, I concentrate on all the good things in my life. So, if I can do it, so can you, Mrs. Wise. He's not worth your tears. Don't give him that power. You will heal slowly, I promise. Remember that time is the answer. Hang in there in the meantime. Take good care of yourself, OK? Sending you virtual hugs.

You should be ashamed of yourself for even entertaining that ridiculous, selfish and really stupid idea. Have some respect for your wife, dude!!! Don't be such an a**hole.

Beautifully said, Capricorn! SPOT ON!!!

Love the idea of getting a pet! YES!