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KIDD

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KIDD last won the day on December 3 2005

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About KIDD

  • Birthday 10/29/1986

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  1. I don't get myself sometimes. I mean kids my age range are partying and all about having fun but I choose to stay home & watch a dvd or stay by myself.I like being a homebody, at first I wanted to go out and venture & do things kids my age were doing, once I found friends to go out partying and clubbing with.. I realize that it's just not me. At first I liked it because it was new but I'm not all about hooking up for one night stands & etc. I don't even like to drink or smoke. Many may classify me as being a nerd but I guess that's what I am then. I'm a little worried because I feel like I need to be more social and I'm enjoying being by myself a little too much! I don't think it's good for me. Like tonight I finally decided to get out of the house because my friend kept pressuring me to go to a club with them. So I caved in and I went, I just felt out of place there with everyone dancing and I had fun but I just feel it's not my thing. At first I liked it but now.. it's just blah. I don't even like going out period anymore. I feel this sort of anxiety thing like I have to watch myself everywhere I go. I feel awkward and I feel ready to get back in the house. I've never been a social being and now that I've made new outgoing friends, it forces me to be more outgoing.I get uncomfortable meeting new people & hanging with new people. Like tonight I was totally quiet meeting the people that my friend introduced me to. It's like I wanna be charming and funny, but I'm too scared to do or say anything that would make me end up looking stupid or crazy.So I was sitting there at the table at the club with all of them and I couldn't be comfortable, I literally had butterflies in my stomach.I'm always wondering what people are thinking about me. If someone whispers something in somebodies ear, I get paranoid wondering if they're talking about me.I've always been like this but it's sorta worse now that I'm constantly interacting.I'm actually sitting here pondering right now what all of them were thinking about me and if they were talking about me as soon as I got out of the car tonight to go home. I actually caved in & smoked a black n mild tonight just because everyone in the car was smoking one and I didn't want to look lame. I just felt totally out of place. I couldn't even flick the lighter on LOL. I feel like an old man, no offense to anyone on here. I'm not into sex,or anything of that matter.So many people my age are misguided and I just feel like I surpassed everyone in my age range. It seems like all of them are all about sex,drinking,drugs and who wants to fight who & all of that nonsense. It's not who I am & it would be nice to find some laid back people like myself but it's so hard. I would like to have a relationship for one, that's something most people are not looking for these days. I don't just want to have meaningless sex, I want to make love with someone I care for.At the same time I'm confused because I want to be more outgoing and at the same time, I want to be by myself. Sometimes it gets lonely being by myself 24/7 so I try to get out even though it's hard.I always make friends with people I can't relate to and that perplexes me. I don't understand who I should be to be honest! It seems like I'm following everyone else when I need to be myself..
  2. I'm curious to know if that tracking device works also! I really don't like the idea of it. I really don't want certain people to know I've been looking at their page everyday, especially if it's someone I have a crush on lol.
  3. Thanks everyone!! This encouragement helps alot. I like to write and produce music and it's so much fun for me. I think I will follow my heart like you guys said. Everyone on this earth was here to do something and I think it has to be with entertaining others with my writing and my music which is cool. Right now I've been busy just focusing on me and I've actually gotten into writing again which is good also!
  4. I'm really fascinated with music and I listen to all genres of music. From hiphop to rock music.Lately I've found me a hobby in music production and I'm really getting into it. I bought this software called Fruityloops where you can actually make professional sounding music. I've been messing around with it for months now and I'm really getting into it. It's the only hobby I have now except excercising. I was actually thinking about making a career out of music producing but then again I thought about how hard it is to make myself known. The possibilities of me becoming a very successful musician is pretty slim. I think I was living in a fantasy world for a minute. I have an ok singing voice too. I have to work on my vocals but I'm getting there. I've actually recorded some of my beats and songs on mp3. I'm thinking about setting a myspace music page with my picture LOL. Right now I'm just by myself discovering who I am and I'm trying to tap into what I want out of life. I've found one hobby which is good because just a couple of months ago, I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted to do.I'm trying to think about other better options as music isn't really a good career choice. I mean what are the odds of me being successful? In the meanwhile I'll go to college to study something that would be more important to me but then I have to find out what that is? I'll still work on my music as a side hobby or career but I have to find something else. I'm very imaginative and artistic, I love to write and I like to draw. Back when I was younger I would make comic books too! So I think my career choice would probably be more in the entertainment industry. I'm also really good with computers so that's another option. I find producing to be very fun and I'll spend hours just making beats on my computer and they sound pretty cool. I would actually like to work in a studio someday. Since I live in the Atlanta Georgia area, I have a better chance at finding places to get my music heard.Like I said I'm finding myself which is good and I'm so glad I at least found some hobby to keep me occupied. I'm just a little worried and confused as far as pursuing a career choice. I mean sure I like to write,sure I like to make music but the question is will I be successful if I pursue this? Can I be certain that in the next 10 years I won't be some bum on the street still trying to be heard, when I should have studied to be a doctor or a lawyer?
  5. I wouldn't worry too much about it LOL. Are you stressed out about anything or have you been eating junk food before bed perhaps? Or maybe you feel like your life is a game show perhaps. I was going through something similar not too long ago..
  6. I don't get why people but such emphasis on skin color? I mean if you think about it we're all the same and we're all different which makes everyone unique.For the longest time I suffered from low self-esteem because I am a black dark skinned fellow. Everyone has this theory that the more lighter you are, the more sexier you are which is not true. I heard that in my area all of the time and I even got teased from my own peers because I was dark brown.Sadly I still do today.Recently I got a tan from over the summer which makes me even look darker.Now I even have some co-workers at my job telling me that I need to lighten back up because it's not cute,WHAT?Ignorance just really kills me in this world,it really does.It makes me feel unattractive and it took me along time for me to be comfortable with my skin color, I admit sometimes I still struggle today. My point is, be happy with what "GOD" gave you! There's only one you so be happy with yourself. I mean there are people out there that got burned in fires and their face and bodies are totally messed up, which is sad and I feel for them! There are people that have it much worse than us so instead of complaining about being brown, just be thankful that you're able to see another day and that you're in perfect health. Learn to love yourself for who you are! You only live life once, so don't go living your whole life saying I'm brown and it sucks. Say I'm brown and I'm proud!!
  7. Yeah, I should just take small baby steps. I actually got off my butt on my off day today and I cleaned up my room. I know it's not a big step but I'm getting somewhere.I've been saying for a month that I was going to clean it up and I finally did it. It feels good to know that I did something. I'm going to take your advice Brando and just start off slow. That way I can get adjusted to the new routine.I really hate wasting my youth away and I'm approaching 21 this year so it's time I start acting like an adult.I'm going to focus back on the times when I was small, when I didn't have a computer & when I didn't have so much stuff. I remember during those times, I would go outside and play with friends. Well I can't do that now,speaking that most of the people I used to grow up with in my neighborhood moved away and now there's a bunch of new kids outside that play now. Plus I'm too old to go outside and play anyway lol! I also remember doing constructive things like writing, which I grew out of doing.I'm trying to gain my passion back in doing that. My goal is to accomplish something this year...
  8. IntoTheFire - I'm glad to have put a smile on your face! I'm really just happy because now I'm really at peace. For a long time, I've been depressed and miserable because I felt like I was alone in the world.You can read my past posts to see where I'm coming from. You don't have to read them if you want lol it seems like things are coming together, I'm starting school finally in the summer. I'm going to get my drivers license soon, I know I'm late lol. I'm going to get out of this procrastination of doing things. I think what actually really helped me is reconnecting my life back to god which I did 2 months ago.At the time,I was very alone and depressed to the point where I felt like I actually had nothing to live for.Since it seemed like my life was miserable and going no where at the time, I started to actually pray and cry out for god to help me. I actually started building a relationship with him again and it seemed like the more I talked and spent time with him, the better I felt and the more positive things started happening! I stopped feeling depressed and I made new friends. For a long time I had turned my back on god and that was my biggest mistake!I actually feel comfortable being alone, I just feel so great now, can't explain it really. LOL, I don't know what's wrong with me but I'm sorry to go into my life story. But I really have faith in god now and without him, we're nothing.The devil likes lonely miserable people because that's his way of making you doubt god like he made me doubt him. He'll trap you into this negative darkness. Oh boy lol, let me stop before I start preaching. Time for bed LOL!
  9. I think my main problem now is that I have too many distractions which get in the way of me doing more important things. Like for my New Years resolution, I said I was going to do so many things.For the longest I've been saying I was going to excercise, and do more things around the house & just more constructive things.I always end up spending hours on the phone,watching tv or on the internet like I'm doing now.Especially the internet because it's soo addictive, I'm either talking to someone on Instant Messanger or I'm downloading music and videogames,movies etc etc.It's a very bad pattern that I can't seem to get out of doing.I keep saying I'm not going to do it but I end up doing it anyway. I guess what I'm trying to say, what are some ways to get out of procrastination and to start actually doing things? I think my problem is that I lack self discipline. I also think that's why I spent a period last year of depression because I was just so stagnant with not wanting to do anything. Now I want to do something but I just can't find myself to focus on more important things.I think I mainly get on the computer to escape boredom. I've been saying I wanted to get in shape last year and here I am with no progress. I have dumbbells and a weightbench that are collecting dust lol!Just pray that I wake up soon and if anyone have any tips that would be helpful.. I'd gladly appreciate! Thanks.
  10. It was a fun experience!! Things are turning around for me and 2007 is starting off good.I'm not going to get carried away with going and I know what clubs are all about basically. I just like to go because it's fun and entertaining. Now that I have at least 3 good gay friends that I'm really cool with that live in my area, I don't feel so alone and isolated as I did and that helps soooo much!They're in the process of trying to find me a boyfriend now but I really don't want one at the moment. I kinda like the single life unlike before, I wanted one so bad. Now I'm just focusing on me and if the right guy comes, he'll come I suppose.I'm only 20 years old so I have plenty of time to find someone. What's sorta funny is now 2 of my friends hooked up so they're together now. When we all went to the club, they didn't seem to like each other. Now they can't keep their hands off each other lol. They're so cute together, sorta makes me want one again LOL. Now this Friday one of my friends are throwing a birthday party on Friday so I'm going. It just feels so good to actually be invited to parties,clubs & hanging with people I can actually be comfortable with.Funny how most of the friends I had last year around this time are no where around & now I have a completely new set of friends. Funny what all can change in a year!
  11. Don't call him, you need to heal. I think being in the house alot and alone is not good for people who just came out of bad relationships. Being alone just gives you time to think about him which you don't need. The best way to get over someone is to stay busy and active in your life. Going out with friends and conversating with different people helps you forget him and eventually makes it easier. Focus on your goals and things you want to accomplish! It's time to start thinking about you and your life. It's hard getting over someone but being distracted thinking about other things helps alot! Focus on other things except him. He's no longer apart of your life so you have to put it behind you! Please do not contact him. I think it's best you delete his number and move on with your life. Eventually you'll find someone better!
  12. I use to have a problem with this but I'm getting better out of being shy.What I realised is to be yourself no matter what and if people don't like you for you, then it's "THEIR" problem not yours.This was my main problem and once I stopped caring about how others perceived me,it sorta got rid of me being shy.For instance, I went to a party on Friday and I hardly knew anyone.I just started talking with random people about things going on at the party from there.I think what makes people so shy is caring about what other people think about them. Once you build your confidence and talk more with people, it gets easier. Also don't let bad experiences ruin you! Just dust yourself off and try again.Also realise not everyone is talkative or will like you. Just continue to build confidence through conversating. I find that talking about the class would be good ways to start conversations.I'm assuming all of the people in your class are about the same age group. Why not try discussing things that you and some other people have in common. Try talking about a movie you saw or maybe a popular tv show everyone watches.Or maybe you can ask them about their day and what are they doing on the weekend? Sometimes conversations flow with certain people and then it doesn't for others. It's just up to you to find your cliche of friends. Also participate in class discussions which I'm sure you've had or will have eventually. This would also be a good way for people to get to know you. Often, it will make people approach you too! It lets people know that you're social. I find that the more you open yourself up in class, the more people will talk to you. If you're shy,distant & quiet and you're always in the back of the class, no one will notice you.It shows that you don't want to be bothered also. Hoped this helps and good luck!
  13. I've never been to a straight one and I don't think I will lol. 2007 is really starting off good. I've met two gay people in my area through myspace and they're both really cool.I also have a co-worker at my job who is bisexual so I can always talk to her about things as well. One of my gay friends was the one to encourage me to go to a gay club but I always backed down in fear. But last night I said what the heck, I'm just going to try to have fun and live life more. LOL it's funny that you enjoy the gay clubs better than the straight clubs Raykay.My first experience was fun, I got to be myself and I think that's what really excited me. I didn't have to put on an act like I usually do.I also met two other great friends through another guy. So I think finding other gay friends is what I really need!
  14. Last night a friend of mines who is gay asked me if I wanted to go to a gay club with him and his friends. At first I was a little worried since I've never been to one but it was Saturday night and I was bored so I said why not.For awhile I've been sick and I felt better that day so that was good too!We got there and I was a little nervous so one of his friends who was over 21 got us some drinks.I was surprised to see that there were so many cute guys there, more specifically the ones that are my type. It was a variety of guys, effemenite guys and masculine guys. I'm more into the masculine type so I was surprised to see guys in there who looked like an average str8 guy. After awhile I got comfortable and I started dancing with guys! I haven't had this much fun in a LONG LOOOOOONG time and it was needed because I'm so much of the loner type and I stepped out of my box. Plus for the first time in a long time, I felt comfortable being around people that were like me.I didn't feel as isolated as I did for so long. Plus there were guys that were dancing with me and asking for my number. I gave them my number but I know it's more of a hook-up type thing and I'm not into those.Maybe friendship can come out of them hopefully. LOL! I think I'm addicted and I want to go every weekend now. I think maybe this was what my dream was trying to tell me. You can look on the health section under my post to see what I'm talking about.I think my dream was telling me to venture out more and do more things and I'll feel more free! My problem is that I'm not outgoing and I need to be more outgoing.
  15. A 7 is not bad if you think about it! I mean it could be worse! You could have gotten a 1! I don't like sites like that, because it can really mess up your self-confidence if you get a low rating by so many votes.
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