Andrina

The good thing is that she has a life besides dating and doesn't drop her friends to only focus on a man. The bad thing is that if she ends up speaking a lot about emotional baggage, and making you pay the crime for something past men have done, then how will she be enjoyable company? Instead of focusing solely on trying to read her behavior and what she might be feeling, focus on your own feelings because of how you're being treated. I'm not saying anybody's in the wrong or right. Examine if you're reasonable or unreasonable in your expectations. Examine if you want to follow her lead on how often to communicate and get together, and see if you become satisfied with it, or are left wanting. It sometimes takes time to smooth out the edges and see if two people will mesh, or if the edges stay scratchy and pointy and it's clear this is not a match. I know when I dated my future husband, he spoke of a past romantic interest who told him he was smothering her. She probably liked a lot of space. I, on the other hand, wanted a companion who had a lot of time for me, so we matched in the amount of time we wanted to get together from day one. My point is not to fear you're losing her because if you are, she isn't your match and this frees you to find the keeper. Remind yourself that your needs are important too, and that if you regularly feel anxious or upset, then don't hang on for dear life just because the woman is gorgeous. But as said, these are fresh beginnings so let things unspool and see if you two can find your way to building something special.

If it were me, I'd probably choose send a message, asking how her classes are going, and tell her a bit about the same on your end. See if she's open to a little bit of messaging and wait to see if she makes her own effort without you always initiating. And then if that goes well, maybe mention the time you usually go on campus to eat at a particular place and tell her it'd be great if she's ever free to join you.

Why would you even allow this, if he decided to on a whim, after he's shown you you aren't a priority? As alluded to, why haven't you already blocked and deleted him?

So you're really okay with dating someone, who it seems has been in a sexual relationship with a man for approximately a decade up until a few months ago, and he will continue to be her best friend forever? If so, well, you only have two choices: Do nothing, hope for the best, and get used to being a third wheel since it's obvious they are quite tightly woven. Or: Tell her if her relationship boundaries don't match yours, and that he doesn't stay in a hotel, and she doesn't stay in a hotel when she visits him annually, then the relationship you two have isn't a good match and wish her the best.

Apparently, you didn't truly know them as well as you thought you did. Perhaps they aren't the good-hearted people you assumed. They should be maturing now that they are in university, but that doesn't seem to be happening. I've actually never called anyone my best friend because I know that friendships are ever evolving. Just know that it's quite common for very few friendships to survive until your final days on the planet. I do have a handful of forever friends, but with the commonality of a society on the move, I don't live in the same state as any of them. Some friendships end for a variety of reasons. Some fade to something less than they once were. But whenever friendships end, it leaves room to make new friends who are, at least for the moment, willing and ready to make new memories with you. If it makes you feel any better, there were friends from my past who I have wonderful memories of, but having learned who they became as adults, I don't want anything to do with them. I'm sorry you're hurting. Life isn't easy but you can build your resilience to handle anything that comes your way. Take care.

No, there is no controlling who another can be friends with. More accurately, you choose, that is if you want a satisfying relationship, a partner who shares the same views on friendships. I know there's no way I'd stay with a partner who told me of being in the same situation as your gf. If I'm reading this correctly, they were in an open, long distance relationship where when they'd visited each other once a year, they had sex. And being best friends, they likely communicate very regularly. I can't imagine anyone being okay with that. As for me, even if by some miracle I had proof that they would never cheat and all of a sudden had zero attraction, I still wouldn't be okay with that closeness. Be true to yourself. Nobody is worth you having a lifetime of upsets.

You really can't fully enjoy your time with him because he's self-absorbed and doesn't have interest in talking about major things in your life you expect someone wanting to get to know you better would ask. This just made me think of one particular guy I used to work with. I did not have a crush on him or anything. He was far younger, but I just noticed how adorable he was and wondered why he wasn't presently in a relationship. But when we chatted in passing, I could see that while I was speaking, even to answer a question he'd ask, his mind was focused on what he wanted to say and he would interrupt me before I finished. Not really an enjoyable experience. Everyone, of course, has limited leisure time. Since he's not someone you enjoy as much as you likely do with other friends, perhaps don't let this friendship progress. Doesn't mean you have to cut him off, but maybe not be as available in either get-togethers and find ways to limit communication.

I don't really think he cared what you thought about what he was saying, nor had any ulterior motive in saying these things. People talk about what interests them. It's on his mind, so he has diarrhea of the mouth about a subject he should know someone he's dating wouldn't enjoy hearing. Everyone notices attractive actors, but in his case, he overdoes it so that it's more like ogling. And most people enjoy sex but it's clear his view doesn't value the pros of a longterm relationship. He rather laments flings, which normally becomes shallow to most who've been there and done that. Why you enjoy someone's company like this is mind-boggling. It's like he's a piece of poo wrapped in a pretty bow. There are actually people who are as pretty on the inside as they are on the outside. Isn't that a better goal than being buddies with someone who will drop you like a hot potato as soon as he dates the next woman, dumb if she can actually stand him.

If you assumed this would forever be a platonic friend thing, would you be okay with just being friends? Or do you think your attraction to him will grow deeper with all the communication and hanging out, even if he doesn't flirt and doesn't ask you out? I don't find it odd he wants to hang out one-on-one, even if he just sees you as a friend and you two hang out in a group as well. It's a different dynamic that some do enjoy. And some men aren't curious about the name of a company and don't have interest in others vacations. If you're looking to those things to see if he has a crush or not, they are not indicators of anything. If you're enjoying time with him, then maybe have a wait-and-see attitude. Usually time reveals all. If you end up feeling used or if you see you two have different relationship goals, then by all means, you can let the friendship fade away. Do your friends in common know of his relationship history and if he's the sort to flirt, or if he's awkward in that department? That could be helpful knowledge.

My guess is that when he was nearing 30, his Mom said, "Either get a better paying job that lets you live on your own, or go to college, because you're not living here otherwise." Then he probably decided college to prolong living there. Of course, when he decided to not take the exam, it was the straw that broke the camel's back and she threw out his training equipment. Believe me, you will reach that frustrated breaking point yourself. You're placing a lot of weight on your shoulders, feeling he lacks the resiliency to handle a break up with you. He has survived living in a car. He has survived accepting handouts from his girlfriend. He survived 34 years without you. You staying out of fear for him and pitying him is doing him no favors. College is when many people meet their significant other. You'll soon be surrounded by likeminded students, getting a degree in the best interest of their chosen career and lifelong earnings. Dating gets harder after college because you're no longer surrounded by a multitude of people in various classes who are in your age group. Do not waste your best dating years being tied to someone who is not worthy of you. Go solo a while and work on your self-love so that you don't repeat this pattern of dating men you hope will improve in major ways, versus choosing someone who already presently has their stuff together in all the important ways.

You're 24 and your brain won't be fully formed into its adult state for about another year. Could be why you're referring to money as trivial, and aren't considering things he's lacking which should be must-haves in a successful, happy union. When choosing a long-term partner, it's smart to consider if a person meets all of your main needs, and if you haven't considered must-haves like a man being financially stable/having a good work ethic, and that he should be mature about keeping up with his physical and mental health. Love is never enough by itself to create a happy life with a partner. When I was young, before my brain matured, I made the same mistake you're making now. My ex-husband suffered from depression. I know exactly what it means to walk on eggshells, but you have the added worries of him going hungry, whereas you should be having the time of your life, having fun with a partner and enjoying all the benefits of that when a partner is fully, emotionally available to you in the best ways. Instead, like I did, you are bearing the brunt of someone who shouldn't be dating until he has himself sorted out financially and mentally, if that ever comes to pass, which it might not. Just like alcoholics are not supposed to enter into any new relationships, or takes on anything new like a new pet, while they are seeking sobriety. With your young age, you might not have even considered what lies ahead if you two end up sharing a home and possibly bringing children into the world. At the end of my marriage, I was frustrated that we were living paycheck to paycheck at a point well beyond when that should be happening, while I worked my butt off in overtime while he barely contributed financially. I couldn't even take one vacation per year after all my hard work. Then he veered from verbally attacking me for falsely conceived notions to isolating himself in the garage and not speaking at the dinner table. The children were also witness to him sometimes throwing something at the wall in anger. This is glimpse into your possible future with this man. How does it look to you? Divorcing my ex, finally, allowed me to choose more wisely the second time around. If you haven't told your parents exactly what's he said or that you pay for his groceries, then you know this all isn't right. I know you're a caring person, but you can't sacrifice a happy life because you feel like you're kicking a man when he's down if you break up with him. He's been like this for a long time, apparently, and your love won't save him, yet loving him as a lifetime partner will be destroying yourself.

This is what you wrote on Mar. 23: Part of me is wanting to get back with him. I almost feel as though I just want to forgive him and date him again. He seems he may be a good guy just that we accidentally had sex and maybe he just didn't realize I wasn't ready or whatever. I don't know if I can love anyone else. He seemed like a good guy and he really wants me. I felt scared of him for a long time but I'm wondering if I should just forget that and try again with him. From what I know of female bodies, a woman has to be aroused for a man to easily slip inside her. If she is not consenting, not lubricated, the process would involve a man jamming himself inside and that would be very painful. Your back and forth of opposing statements that cancel each other out shows you're too confused to wisely date at this given time. In reading everything you wrote, I'm going to guess that because you prized your virginity, you're trying to blame someone else for putting you in a position to let happen what you weren't mentally prepared for, so that you don't feel guilty for being what you consider "bad." Plus, considering giving him a second chance might be your way to turn the loss of your virginity into something substantial so that it counts for something special--a longterm, serious relationship. From what he said, he's not good boyfriend material, and neither are you good gf material at the moment, so it's no wonder this has been disastrous and continues to be. You've spoken of your mental issues, so return to therapy if you're not presently attending sessions. Do not date again until you can voice not wanting a man to touch you or be intimate with you. It's a good idea to not be in the privacy of a house or hotel room with a man too early in the dating process, so that you're not either giving in to a lack of willpower when there is chemistry, or when you don't know a man well enough to know if he will refrain from coercing you to do things you don't want to do. I would've given you the benefit of the doubt for being a victim if more things made sense. Just the fact you believe he seemed like a good guy in what I've quoted, and thought you should give him a second chance, goes against what the average woman who was truly raped would be saying or thinking. The average woman would be throwing up at the thought of him, shaking, and would never be texting back and forth with a rapist. Even your parents didn't call the authorities or convince you to go to a hospital for a swab, which I would assume parents who believed their child would've done. Please speak to your therapist about how to navigate in life more safely and wisely. You'll not have success in romance until you achieve a better mental state.

Get a divorce. Do not date for at least a good long year for many reasons. The primary reason is to concentrate on your daughter, getting her used to the new family dynamic. The second is to be able to choose wisely, with a clear head, moving forward. Usually, people who date someone taken, totally lose interest once their sexual partner becomes fully available. Even if they say otherwise, they didn't want something serious and liked the intrigue, not having to put in the daily effort a serious relationship required. It's more mature and ethically right to end one relationship before beginning another. I've known people who've created toxicity that spread far and wide because of infidelity. Stop all that now before gossip rears its ugly head and your child one day finds out shocking things she never should have been subject to. She didn't ask to be brought into this world, so you need to do what's best for her, even if it means delaying your gratification in other areas of your life until a more opportune time, when the divorce is well in the past and co-parenting is running smoothly. You will then be ready to attract decent women and not be jumping into rebound stuff that ends as quickly as it started because you haven't first gone through the needed steps.

Are you really good at certain subjects? If so, why not tell someone in your school you're willing to tutor another student at a free period or after school? When you take that time to help someone, he/she will get to know that you're really nice and helpful. Look around and see who else is sitting alone daily at lunch. How about you go ask to sit with him/her? You can learn to socialize by thinking about what people do that you appreciate. Do you appreciate people who ask how your day is going? If they want to learn about you, such as what types of music you like, what shows/movies/ books you're into? Then ask the same to others. Are there any school clubs you'd be interested in joining, or have you wanted to try taking a band or orchestra class? That's a great way to make new friends with that shared interest. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

I would get out now. You will probably end up having the burden of his debt, however that's legally worked out, since you were married at the time. But once you're divorced, any new debt he incurs will be his own. Calling you names, getting you in financial ruin, and lack of intimacy for 1/3 of your marriage are egregious things. Him being sweet once in a blue moon is meaningless.