Andrina

Your wall of text is about a lot of stress, worry, discomfort. No need to place yourself, ever, in a situation that involves you being regularly upset because of those sorts of issues. No guy, no matter how nice and attractive, is worth that.

As for me, there is zero chance I'd stay a second longer after a guy told me this. Yes, it's tough to be apart, but that amount of time is a brief flash in the span of time. If one is truly in love, and is serious about making things work, then they make things work. He is indeed too immature for what you're seeking/expecting. Military members experience being apart all the time. I know, because I used to be a military wife, and dealt with being alone for many months at a time, including four month stints, both when we didn't have children yet, plus when we did. Yes, emotions are rough to deal with in long distance situations, but there should never be a lessening of love. Surely you're worthy of someone who handles the rough times with you--not just the rosy times. Why be afraid of losing someone who's only a fair-weather bf? It was lucky you were in this situation to find that out.

The problem with dating a co-worker is that if it doesn't work out, you have the awkwardness of still seeing each other daily, and closure is harder. Since you're wanting to be set up with her friend, who you've never even seen a photo of, it means you're not doing enough social stuff outside of work to meet women your age on your own. Look into the site Meetup.com and see what activities are going on in your area you might be interested in. Think outside of the box of good places to meet people. I know a couple who met when they volunteered at the zoo. In the past I took dance lessons in East Coast Swing and Tango. Salsa is also fun. Those are great ways to meet women. Good luck to you!

Believe me, he will just roll his eyes at a text like that. He's 50 years old and you don't think he knows he's a jerk? Maybe you can advise him to watch Sesame Street to learn the basics of manners as well so he'll have better luck in the dating world. I'm just trying to point out how way off base you are. And to say he's a friend? Friends don't ditch one another in unsafe areas.

It also sounds like she enjoyed emotionally abusing you, telling you in detail the horrible things her mother said about you. There's never a need to relay such things to a person. We learn something from every relationship, so in this case, perhaps you'll identify red flags sooner in the future and be able to vette a little better. I know in my situation, I met my gem of a husband nine months after a year long toxic relationship. In that way, I appreciate my husband so much more after what I'd previously experienced. Take care.

His behavior has drawn you into a toxic mess of strangers contacting you. People who regularly drink to the point of blacking out are alcoholics. Is having an alcoholic partner not a dealbreaker for you? If not, attend an Al-Anon meeting to educate yourself and get insight to the reality of what your future will be like if you stay with him. Just because he's young and he's used to this partying pattern with his friends doesn't make it all right. An occasional guys night out--sure. But when people go from being single to entering a serious relationship, the ways they spend their fun time should evolve to activities that don't make a partner uneasy. You can find men who don't drink in excess. Who don't give out their phone numbers to strange women. Who don't lie about where they are going. The trick to finding him is to free yourself from a guy too immature, and lacking in good ethics, to be a good bf.

If he were a decent person (leaving you to fend for yourself in a dangerous area is the biggest show of him NOT being decent, besides ogling other women), then by all means, you could've told him bye-bye. It'll be best for you to not have a black and white mentality, and embrace the gray. At the time, you said what you said, but in hindsight, given what happened, you're allowed to change your mind is there is nothing ethically wrong with now choosing to block without a word. Ease up on yourself! If I were called out by mutual friends, i.e., "He said you blocked him out of the blue." I'd say exactly what you said on this forum and that I didn't want to waste any more time or energy on someone who behaves in this atrocious way. With your mindset, I'm guessing you're a type A personality and are very organized. Those traits can be beneficial for certain parts of your life, but in this circumstance, it's best to operate in a way you're not used to. Also, it seems you're placing other people above your own needs. Again, sometimes it's best to do that in life, such as caring for a sick loved one. In this case, you have to have your own back above a jerk. And if your mutual friends are true friends, they will understand and have YOUR back.

Any reason he's not willing to marry you is sufficient to break up (usual reasons--closing the final door on ever being with a different woman/women, doesn't want to share finances, just not that into you but is too cowardly to break up). Obviously, it's nothing he wants you to change or he would've asked. With each relationship, you learn important things about yourself and sometimes learn how to date more wisely in the future. Make a clean break, go no contact, and eventually you'll get to the healing stage and be able to begin again in your search for a lifetime partner. I can give one instance of something akin to your circumstances. I woman I formerly worked with had just gotten married when I started at that business. She told me they'd dated 7 years, and they'd had a discussion that it was either time to marry or time to break up. She didn't go into if he'd been opposed to it previously or not. But he did come in to pick her up after work once, and I got the sense she was a lot more into him than he was into her. It seemed he was trying to sabotage the marriage. For instance, he mentioned to her that I was pretty and she was peeved. And then he demanded she stop smoking, and she tried but would hide her cigarettes since she couldn't stop cold turkey. Just an example that even if he agreed to YOUR wish to marry, he'd likely begin pulling stunts like this as well. I'm sorry this has happened. Hard to realize now, but when you meet a keeper, you'll be happy you exited nowhere land when you did.

Breakups are always painful, but the key is not to stay in contact once that happens so that closure can happen more quickly and each of you can progress to the healing stage. It's also smart to not have him believing that he can argue with you about the decision and pleading with you that he'll change. So try not to show him anything that will have him thinking he can sway you, such as you saying you're so sorry, how you feel horrible, etc. Keep your statements to fact. I'd begin with: I'm not feeling what I should for this to be a lifetime relationship. If he presses for more, I'd say: The anger has eaten away at my love. I'm done and there will be no second chances. If he tries to keep engaging way to long about the subject, it doesn't mean you have to give in to that. Tell him you'll enjoy the memories that were good, wish him well, and go home. Then block him.

If it were me, and he proposed this week, I'd say yes. But then I'd say, "We just took a major step by moving in together and I just want to chill and enjoy this stage for a good year. Getting a good vibe going while we learn the best way to share space. Having fun decorating the place. Then after a year of that, we can start planning the wedding, which is fun but also stressful."

How old are you? How long have you been with your boyfriend? Do your parents not like him, or do they think you can't make decisions wisely to be in a romantic relationship? You're under their roof, so you will have to accept their punishment. Most young guys will lose interest in a gf they can't communicate with nor see for an entire month, so unfortunately, that problem might be out of your hands, even if you don't do the breaking up yourself.

Block him. He's not worthy of any further communication.

What do you do outside of your house and off the phone/computer? Do you hang out with girlfriends? Do you have any hobbies or have you joined any school groups? Delete/block him on every gadget. Refrain from any romance for now. You're in a mental state where you'll only be attracted to, and attract, toxic guys. Actually the secret to eventually being successful in romance is to first build a fulfilling life solo. When you have a support system of friends, have a passion for an interest/hobby/volunteer work, then you will be ready to choose a guy wisely and have standards. The guy will be someone to add joy to your life, versus a guy being the sole reason for your joy, which is never healthy. Good luck.

So what do you think is worse? The quote above, or being kept in the dark and all of a sudden find out since no exclusivity has been discussed, that he's been sharing his body with other women besides you. Or that it might take him a year or more to decide to only date you because he'll feel like a caged tiger. You're going to have to embrace, for your own good, putting yourself in the driver's seat. If you would like to be exclusive, because you want to be monogamous, plus he treats you like a priority and he's a prized partner, ask him if desires the same. If he doesn't want this after knowing you this long, it doesn't matter how much it hurts you to break up. You should, because he doesn't match you in your dating/relationship style. Because of what you've written, however, your self-esteem seems lacking so I'm not so sure he is the ideal partner who is worthy of you. The right guy won't have you feeling like this. The right guy makes you feel adored. How often does he ask you on dates (not just to be intimate)? Does he ask you questions about your daily life? Your wants and dreams? What is his relationship history? Have you met his friends? If so, what are they like? What does he do to have fun when he's not with you? How old are you two? Many women have a biological response of wanting to bond with a man when she's having sex with him, even if he's very wrong for her. Make sure this isn't the only reason you think he's a keeper.

Will she be paying for her own plane ticket, or has she asked for that money or waited for you to offer? Just making sure you don't get drawn into any scams of being an ATM machine to someone. It's a common thing for a scammer to pretend they have a connection to the prey's area--either that they've once worked there, have friends or relatives there, or that they plan on moving there for work. It's quite a distance from Ohio to Nevada. I'm assuming you'd be spending $600 or more for every trip, and you plan on going once a month? Are you really that well off that that kind of money is very doable for you? Having done OLD in the past, I'll give my own experiences. Over a period of 2 and a half years, I went on dates with about 30 men. So many times we liked each other's photos, likes each other's messages, and liked the few phone calls we had before meeting. But that had zero bearing on how the first date, or the second or third if it made it that far, went. Because reality doesn't begin until that first meet. The majority of the time, one or both of us did not feel chemistry so that was the end of that. Sometimes, both of us did feel chemistry and went on to one or more dates, but then things happened where everything fell apart. The person had lied about their dating goals. The person was mentally off. The person wasn't enjoyable to be with. I wasn't the other person's cup of tea after all. Thank God I'd never spent much for these dates, and rejected communicating with guys who lived far away, even though they tried to get me to engage after I explicitly wrote in my profile that I dated locally only. Because it's quite a process, sifting through a beach of sand to find the treasure. A lot of things have to match up: Dating styles, dating/life goals, matching ethics, matching relationship boundaries, a relationship leading to marriage or not, if it lasts, kids or no kids. If the person makes you a priority, is faithful, is financially stable, and the list of must-haves and lack of dealbreakers like gambling, drinking, etc., goes on. To me, long distance has so many cons and has a very high risk failure unless a couple met locally, and then had to briefly move away for a career or education. Takes longer to see skeletons in the closet, if there are any. Dating cannot be done at a normal pace, dooming things. You also have to wonder. If she's so pretty and has a nice personality, why hasn't she been successful in dating locally. Does she have something to hide that it'll take longer for a long distance guy to discover? Let's say you had to date 30 people like I did before finding the keeper. With long distance, that might take you the next 30 years and cost a crazy amount of money to achieve. What I recommend is to amp up dating locally, trying different ways to meet women than you've done in the past. Meetup.com is a great start. See which groups are available in your area. Do some volunteering. Environmental clean ups regularly happen in some towns. Volunteer at a zoo or museum. Take dance lessons. If she's paying her own way, then fine, let her. But being exclusive before you meet, which might take longer than you anticipate, might have you passing up golden opportunities locally. You're also emotionally investing in a fantasy, which has been going on for months and will likely go on for many more months, to have everything fizzle at the first meet. All that time and energy spent on a risky gamble could be placed on a safer bet that costs far less, locally. Good luck in finding a keeper. I know after all the frustration and upsets I experienced, that it had all been worth it when I found the right one.