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boltnrun

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boltnrun last won the day on March 27

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  1. This might be a "woman" thing but I wouldn't want my neighbor admitting he's listening in to what I'm doing in my apartment. That would feel forward and intrusive.
  2. BTW, do you know what they call men who use the pull out method? "Dad".
  3. A "mistake"? So his clothes accidentally fell off and so did theirs and he tripped and fell and his penis accidentally landed inside all these women's vaginas? No, he did it on purpose. The pregnancies may have been unintentional but surely he knows how babies are made. Has he been fully STI tested since he got back from this wild "break"? Have you had sex with him? If so, have you been tested? Since this relationship began as an extramarital one, it's not surprising he thinks he's free to bang whoever he wants. The real question is, are YOU feeling good about this? I presume you aren't. There are so many millions of men out there. Why shackle yourself to this one?
  4. Oh, I get it. He was there for five minutes and wasn't treating you with the respect you feel you deserve as a longer term employee. Was the business owner being nicer to him than to you?
  5. @catfeeder, I can't find the post! It was an older thread from last summer, where the man had been in a toxic relationship and the woman had a threesome with two very young men while they were supposed to be on a break. His daughter posted that he had committed suicide and she found his posts on this forum on his laptop. Apparently he kept going back to the toxic relationship. It's extremely sad. And thanks for the support. Yes, I am trying to help. I liken it to knowing fire is hot from past experience but wanting to warn someone rather than just standing by while they put their hand in it to find out for themselves. Have you seen that Anthony Anderson commercial about Type II diabetes, where he shows a photo of a coffin and says "Too much? That's the point!" So yeah, I am trying to help but that doesn't mean everyone will like my approach.
  6. Not judgment, it's concern. There was a recent post update here in this forum where the daughter of a previous poster told us he'd committed suicide. That's extremely distressing and upsetting. (No, I do not think you're even close to that point. Just an example of how things can be upsetting and even frightening). You're a young woman with the world at your feet. I feel that man is no good for you. I'm sorry that my tone was excessively harsh. Not my intent.
  7. Exactly, which is why I recognize the signs of minimizing, justifying, etc. It's hard for me to see someone else struggling with the same situation. If I can possibly help them I will try. I am not attracted to my toxic ex anymore, not even physically. When I think of him I feel revulsion and repulsed, not attracted. But I have the benefit of a LOT of time having passed. Right after it ended? Yeah, I even told a friend I would happily be the one he turned to when his relationship with the much younger woman he'd dumped me for turned bad. Jeez. Big time cringe.
  8. What if he drops her?? Or just stands there and lets her fall? 😉
  9. Well...most of the time in my experience confiding something is not to the level of "I beat my former girlfriend". With my ex husband, for example, he confided that he always felt like the "ugly duckling" of his family and like he was the least favored child. That man didn't confide that he'd had really bad acne as a teen or that he feels insecure sometimes at work. He beat his girlfriend. That has zero to do with dumping him because he trusted you. I think you know that, though. I do find it concerning that you still seem to feel like you owe him another chance or that you were wrong to stop dating him. Do you still fantasize about him? Do you wish you were still seeing him?
  10. Gotcha Yes, definitely different when you're traveling. So could you smile and say hello and if he says hello back and pauses, could you mention something about the weather or a recent event or something you observed about the apartment complex? The other residents of my apartment complex and I often talk about what's going on at our buildings such as the recent roof replacement. I mean, it's not scintillating conversation but at least it's a start.
  11. No, you did not "cause" the abuse or "make" him abuse you. Abusers abuse because they like it. Period. I'm glad you got him out. If you haven't already, please arrange for counseling for you and for your children.
  12. I don't understand the context as I am indeed American. Are you saying no one in Western Europe says hello to their neighbors? And it would be regarded as intrusive or strange if someone did say hello? I watch a few traveling YouTubers and they all talk about how friendly the people they encounter in their travels are, in all the countries they visit. So I'm confused TBH!
  13. It wasn't his behavior in the beginning. It was you being attracted to him even after you knew he had abused his former romantic partner that I found concerning. Nearly all abusers come across as great guys in the beginning. They wouldn't be able to attract anyone if they acted like their true selves from jump.
  14. But do your kids deserve to be "punished"? The worst thing I could think of (well, the second worst) would have been not being around to raise my kids. Especially since in your case it's self inflicted rather than just bad luck (such as an accident). Please see a doctor about quitting smoking ASAP. For your kids.
  15. Smile and say hello. No one could possibly find that objectionable or "forward". He will likely at the very least reply. If he only says "hello" back and scurries into his apartment he's probably either taken or uninterested for whatever reason (NOT because something is "wrong" with you!), but if he says hello back and makes some kind of comment you can continue the conversation.
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