boltnrun

Also want to add, the usual "fixes" for digestive issues don't work for me. Probiotics, fiber pills, laxatives don't work. And I already drink a lot of water. Also don't drink sodas or coffee.

So today is a "nay" day. Detailed health issue description to follow. You are warned! I have a medical condition that affects my digestive system. It causes extreme swings between diarrhea and constipation. If I'm lucky I get a week or two when things move along normally. I was unable to "go" on Tuesday and Wednesday. This is very dangerous for me. So I took some stool softeners which proved ineffective. Finally late yesterday evening I was able to go a little bit but definitely didn't get it all out. So I decided to work from home today as I didn't want to either struggle to go or unload at work. With the increase in people working in the office we went from three women on our floor to about 12 so I almost never have the bathroom to myself, which makes having explosive diarrhea very embarrassing. Anyway, in addition to being stopped up I couldn't sleep last night so I'm exhausted. Fortunately I "went" this morning, but I'm still horribly tired. Ugh. When I did get a couple of hours of sleep I had the weirdest dreams. The first one was a horror dream about being in a driveway when someone was backing a large trailer in and they didn't see me. So I had to leap into some bushes to avoid getting crushed. Doesn't sound scary but it was. The other dream was about my teeth. I have a lot of trouble with my teeth, all self-inflicted. I had dental insurance for years but never used it and I ate Mentos chewy candies every day for years. Totally destroyed my teeth. I've had multiple extractions and will need a bridge at some point (implants are far beyond my budget and insurance doesn't cover them). So in this dream I had several teeth that were loose and about to fall out so I just pulled them. The only good part of the dream is my mom was there and she was telling me to stop pulling my teeth out. Also a very weird dream. So the few hours I got were not restful. So today is not a good day. But it's not the worst either. I may need to pick a different place to vacation next week. I was planning to go up to the mountains but it's supposed to be only 55 degrees. I don't really want to be walking around the village in cold weather. I'll decide early in the week if I need to change it to another location. But definitely want to do a trip.

Also keep in mind true narcissists don't want help, they want sycophants. They want admirers. They want servants.

Also, if I truly have strong feelings for my partner and am truly in love it wouldn't matter if fifty exes came sniffing around or sent messages. I would ignore and delete the messages or send one back saying "Not interested". Yes, that has happened (not fifty exes lol, just one). I told him I wasn't interested. I didn't meet with him and then tell my current boyfriend that I still had feelings for my ex and that my feelings for him weren't as strong as my feelings for my ex. I said no thanks and deleted the message. (Oh wait, I showed the message to my current boyfriend because I was being transparent. And I sent the "not interested" message in front of my boyfriend and deleted my ex's message in front of him.) Someone truly in love can't be swayed by an ex. Or anyone, for that matter. You shouldn't have to convince someone to be in a relationship with you. They are either 100% in or they're out.

But he did message and she does want to see him. And she's apparently convinced there are still feelings, AND she said she doesn't feel as strongly for you as she did for him. I did the "consolation prize/second choice" relationship thing and it really sucks. You can go ahead and try to force this to work or have a "talk" with her, trying to convince her to love you enough. I just think it's not going to go the way you're hoping, not because I'm a pessimist or because of my experience but because of what you told us about the situation.

What "stuff"? Are they things you just cannot function without (work laptop, bank book) or things you can do without or can easily replace (shirt, hairbrush)? If it's something innocuous but you insist you must have it back, you are searching for an excuse to see her again. As for the vacation deposit, is it absolutely non-refundable? If you'll only lose $50 or something it's worth just cancelling. Unless, again, you're already missing the fantastic sex in between being screamed at and called names. "I guess"? You seem reluctant. Are you?

You can make it a goal to be more social. It's fairly easy to send out a group message that says "Hey everyone, how does meeting at Wine Bar next week sound? Anyone in?" And don't be discouraged if you don't get any takers at first. Socializing, like anything else, takes practice.

Yeah, I made the bad decision to remain in a relationship with someone who I knew was still in love with his ex. She was never really out of his life. He bounced between the two of us for years. I should have walked at the two month mark but I didn't. Super bad choice. The entire relationship was fraught with fear and anxiety. I couldn't even sleep. He ended up leaving me for someone he DID have strong feelings for (not his ex) because he'd never felt that way about me despite him having some degree of feelings for me. It wasn't enough and he wanted that strong connection. No amount of "talking" could make him love me the way he loved her. Don't be me.

I find it's much more effective to be direct rather than relying on someone to pick up on "hints". It might have had different results if you'd said something like "I love that wine! There this great wine bar that serves it. Maybe we can get a few people together and go there sometime." Sure, he might have replied with something vague like "Sure, we should do that sometime" but then you could have said "Let me check with a few people and get back to you." However, it's fine the way it is. He knows how to get in touch with you. You never know what could happen next.

Maybe you can continue the fantasy beyond viciously attacking the woman. Imagine her sobbing afterward, bleeding and bruised. Then imagine getting arrested, tried and convicted. Fantasize about being sent to prison and having a very large man as your "celly" who doesn't like men who attack women. Also imagine your face being splashed all over the local news. Imagine your family being humiliated and ashamed. Maybe that would kill your fantasies. I agree, schedule an appointment with a therapist who specializes in violent fetishes. They can help you overcome these fantasies.

You have a very clear picture of who she is, but you seem to have a much less clear picture of who you are and why you choose to be abused. You are not isolated or financially dependent on her, so there's absolutely no reason you need to stay in this relationship. You are choosing this. She won't change because she doesn't need to. She treats you like garbage and you go back for more, washing her car and essentially begging her to love you and be nice to you. What about that would she ever need to change? She has it all, while you have...what, exactly? As others have said, this is key. It's not to be brushed off with "I don't want to give up so easily" when you already have tried multiple times. It's vital to figure out why you are deliberately doing this to yourself.

Do your fantasies involve the women being terrified, frightened, horrified, crying and begging for you to stop while you violently and painfully violate them? Or is it more just a slightly rough, fast act?

You never met her, so you were never in a relationship. She was an online entity who repeatedly refused to meet you in person. Has she asked to talk to you for "closure" and to explain why she refused to meet you? Look, I get that you became very invested in this situation, but it had zero chance of ever being anything other than an online chat buddy. And that was her choice.

She'll be back. Can you resist her?

I tried living in a busy neighborhood. I lived smack in the middle of downtown directly off one of the major streets in my city. And I had to move away because it was so noisy it was nearly impossible to participate in Teams calls. I had to keep saying "sorry, another siren, sorry, someone's burning rubber, sorry, there's people outside my window having a loud conversation". Here it's quiet and peaceful yet still within walking distance to almost everything I want. If I want to go downtown I just drive there.