boltnrun

You can make it a goal to be more social. It's fairly easy to send out a group message that says "Hey everyone, how does meeting at Wine Bar next week sound? Anyone in?" And don't be discouraged if you don't get any takers at first. Socializing, like anything else, takes practice.

Yeah, I made the bad decision to remain in a relationship with someone who I knew was still in love with his ex. She was never really out of his life. He bounced between the two of us for years. I should have walked at the two month mark but I didn't. Super bad choice. The entire relationship was fraught with fear and anxiety. I couldn't even sleep. He ended up leaving me for someone he DID have strong feelings for (not his ex) because he'd never felt that way about me despite him having some degree of feelings for me. It wasn't enough and he wanted that strong connection. No amount of "talking" could make him love me the way he loved her. Don't be me.

I find it's much more effective to be direct rather than relying on someone to pick up on "hints". It might have had different results if you'd said something like "I love that wine! There this great wine bar that serves it. Maybe we can get a few people together and go there sometime." Sure, he might have replied with something vague like "Sure, we should do that sometime" but then you could have said "Let me check with a few people and get back to you." However, it's fine the way it is. He knows how to get in touch with you. You never know what could happen next.

Maybe you can continue the fantasy beyond viciously attacking the woman. Imagine her sobbing afterward, bleeding and bruised. Then imagine getting arrested, tried and convicted. Fantasize about being sent to prison and having a very large man as your "celly" who doesn't like men who attack women. Also imagine your face being splashed all over the local news. Imagine your family being humiliated and ashamed. Maybe that would kill your fantasies. I agree, schedule an appointment with a therapist who specializes in violent fetishes. They can help you overcome these fantasies.

You have a very clear picture of who she is, but you seem to have a much less clear picture of who you are and why you choose to be abused. You are not isolated or financially dependent on her, so there's absolutely no reason you need to stay in this relationship. You are choosing this. She won't change because she doesn't need to. She treats you like garbage and you go back for more, washing her car and essentially begging her to love you and be nice to you. What about that would she ever need to change? She has it all, while you have...what, exactly? As others have said, this is key. It's not to be brushed off with "I don't want to give up so easily" when you already have tried multiple times. It's vital to figure out why you are deliberately doing this to yourself.

Do your fantasies involve the women being terrified, frightened, horrified, crying and begging for you to stop while you violently and painfully violate them? Or is it more just a slightly rough, fast act?

You never met her, so you were never in a relationship. She was an online entity who repeatedly refused to meet you in person. Has she asked to talk to you for "closure" and to explain why she refused to meet you? Look, I get that you became very invested in this situation, but it had zero chance of ever being anything other than an online chat buddy. And that was her choice.

She'll be back. Can you resist her?

I tried living in a busy neighborhood. I lived smack in the middle of downtown directly off one of the major streets in my city. And I had to move away because it was so noisy it was nearly impossible to participate in Teams calls. I had to keep saying "sorry, another siren, sorry, someone's burning rubber, sorry, there's people outside my window having a loud conversation". Here it's quiet and peaceful yet still within walking distance to almost everything I want. If I want to go downtown I just drive there.

I'm sure you understand why I asked. You may be surprised that some women dislike outsized penises. I personally know a man whose girlfriend broke up with him because his penis was large and it caused her pain and discomfort.

Please let me know if you find this question offensive. But are you or have you taken any supplements to enhance your physique?

And what's even better is, although there are lots of things nearby the neighborhood is still very quiet. And very clean. The streets are wide and filled mostly with gorgeous early 1900s era single family homes on large lots. My apartment used to be a single family home with servants quarters. My apartment used to be the servant's quarters! They divided them into four studio apartments and the large owners home is now one big single family home with a small apartment wedged into one corner of it. The grounds are lovely. And when I go on walks I can choose to walk among the vintage homes or along he Beach or to the cute shopping and dining district. It's just great. Is your city location quiet or is it a more bustling, active neighborhood?

I've sacrificed space to live in an absolutely amazing neighborhood. My apartment is postage stamp sized but the location! My brother was out here a couple of weeks ago and I was driving through on the way to pick up our cousin and he was exclaiming about all the neat little shops and cafes and how close I am to the beach. He said "You could eat at a different cafe every day for a month! And you could walk to all of them!" And I said "Yep, and that's why I put up with living in this tiny little apartment." Sure, I would like more space and I'd like to have a designated parking space and I would REALLY like to get a cat, but I don't want to give up this location. Maybe something will come available that has parking and allows pets but for now I'm content.

I'm sure you will. I am glad to know that most people aren't like your ex's mother or that man I dated. My ex husband's family welcomed me with open arms. They actually celebrated my ethnicity and thought it was awesome that they would have the opportunity to learn more about my culture. Really neat people. I probably felt worse about losing them as family than I did about my husband and I splitting, TBH.

I also disagree with the concept of "implied consent". Just because two people are married or in a relationship doesn't mean either of the parties has the right to engage in sexual activity with the other person at any and all times. That concept is what many men use when accused of marital rape. They claim such a thing can't exist because they have the "right" to sex with their wives any time they want it. That's just not true, legally OR morally. And that's why I respected my ex's wishes when he asked me to not touch him while he was sleeping. So what if we were naked in the same bed and in a long-ish relationship. He still had rights. I'm sorry that man did that to you. I'm also sorry you're experiencing trauma as a result. Would you consider talking to a therapist?