Living like that is no life and thinking like that isn't normal. It may not be a 'mental' issue, but its definitely a psychological issue you need to address.
It sounds like you have paralyzed yourself and your 'life' by using the negative experiences and thoughts that have occurred throughout your life to confirm and reaffirm that life just stinks and wasn't meant for you.
Most 'normal' people when they reach an empasse in life think to themselves that they have two choices - staying where they are in a miserable life OR to pick themselves up and make positive changes so the don't remain in that rut or spiral down further into misery and despair. You have not done that.
You have decided that you have a third option-suicide and think "yes well I can always kill myself, I'll always have THAT option if things get too difficult, cr*ap etc" And guess what, it's BECAUSE you have that third option that life really has become that difficult and cr*p.
Remove that option for yourself- tell yourself that its not an option for you anymore, its not your decision, it's out of your hands and that its not because your mother is guilt-tripping you (deep down you know its not because of her) because its only when that option is removed that you seriously you start looking for other options and start asking yourself "What am I going to do now that I am going to be around from a very long time?"
I think that CBT could help you greatly to enable you change your thoughts, and in time change your life as every day as you grow and learn life will change and get better for you, not in the short term but the long term.