Jump to content

redsox22

Bronze Member
  • Posts

    267
  • Joined

About redsox22

  • Birthday 01/01/1972

Recent Profile Visitors

The recent visitors block is disabled and is not being shown to other users.

redsox22's Achievements

Enthusiast

Enthusiast (6/14)

  • Reacting Well Rare
  • Dedicated Rare
  • First Post
  • Collaborator
  • Conversation Starter

Recent Badges

30

Reputation

  1. Just to be clear, I do you speak to a therapist, and we have spoken to a therapist together to help us navigate some of our challenges. These incidents are not every day occurrences, but when they happen, they really affect me significantly.
  2. I think a conversation on the state of our marriage is called for. We have come along way in resolving differences and finding better ways of handling conflict but this is some thing that I cannot support.
  3. I’m not looking for advice on how to handle parenting in a blended family. I know that there are a wide variety of opinions on this matter and I don’t want to get lost in the weeds here. We’ve gotten help in learning how to communicate better, and it’s made a big difference in our relationship. My issue is when he is very angry. He resorts to escalating and taking off his ring. He’s gotten much better about not doing this, but it happened again the other day, and I am really struggling in how to handle this. He knows that it’s not OK after he calms down but it’s really damaging to our relationship. I’m just wondering if anybody’s been through this and has any recommendations on how to approach this
  4. Thank you for all the replies. What we are arguing about is less important at this moment than dealing with the issue that he takes off his ring. I was only providing context on why we were arguing in response to some questions. The issue that I am looking for guidance on is how do I handle him handing me his wedding ring in a moment of anger? These incidents are not frequent, but when this happens, it’s extremely hurtful. I know he feels remorse afterwards and he’s apologetic, but it creates a big sense of insecurity for me and I have a hard time moving past this after we have resolved our differences. The last time he did this which was maybe a year ago I told him I couldn’t keep coming back from this because it’s too painful. He promised he would never take off his ring again in anger. I’m not sure what to do at this point since he did it yet again.
  5. Thanks for the replies. The arguments are typically about differences in parenting styles. We are a blended family. We have found ways to compromise on a lot of things and some of the kids are out of the house in college now so issues are fewer. He has a trigger when it comes to his kids. They lost their mother at a young age and he thinks the world should revolve around them. I have more balanced approach and think they should be held accountable for their choices and be taught skills to handle adversaries and conflict.
  6. Heyl I’m looking for some guidance. I’ve been married for almost 4 years. We have had some rocky times but I feel like we have really come to understand each other much better. My issue is that when my husband gets angry he sometimes threatens divorce and on several occasions has taken off his wedding ring given it back to me. When he calms down, he reconciles and tells me he never meant it and he was just acting out of anger. I have expressed to him how hurtful this is and how it makes me doubt his commitment to our marriage. He says he doesn’t mean it and he is only acting out of anger. He has gotten help from a therapist to manage his anger and it has gotten much better, I told him the last time he took off his ring that I wouldn’t put up with that anymore and that if he takes it off he better mean it. He took it off again yesterday during an argument. I just walked away and told him I didn’t want to talk anymore I don’t know what to do to get through to him that this really undermines my confidence in our marriage. I can’t just forget about it after he calms down. I do love him and I know he loves me, but I cannot get through to him how hurtful this is and how damaging it is . Help!
  7. Thank You to everyone who took the time to reply to my post. It’s all been very helpful and giving me a lot to think about.
  8. I don’t know if it would cause him damage or if it would damage our relationship. I guess that’s why I’m here asking what others think about that and if they have any experience with something like this. Meaning experience approaching somebody before they actually come out to you. I’ll see if there’s any way to figure out who is older guy is.
  9. Bolt- talking about sexuality is not the problem. It’s about having a conversation where I basically out him and the damage it may cause. I don’t know how old he told this guy he really is. I don’t want to assume he knows his real age. But I’m disturbed by all this.
  10. I feel strongly that I need to protect my son and that means talking to him about what’s going on. My concern is because he has not yet come out to me that I’m going to damage our relationship and put him in a mindset to not talk to me about any of this. In which case I would be closed out and not be able to continue to have a good relationship with him to help him navigate some of these challenges.
  11. Thank you for the replies. To answer some of the questions asked, I found out through one of his siblings. I don’t want to betray their confidence and damage the relationship between the siblings by disclosing to my son where I got this information. I would feel the same way if it were my daughter interacting with an older man - this is not based on being gay or the fact that he’s a male. I would have the same feelings regardless. I do not know how he met this person and I’m only speculating that it was either through his online gaming or perhaps he went online looking for someone. I don’t have access to any computer data -I don’t have any way of knowing who this person is or finding out without directly speaking with my son. I’m told that he’s no longer in contact with this person so I’m not sure that going down the road of finding out who this person is is going to have any positive outcomes for my son or my relationship with my son. Although it bothers me greatly that this person would take advantage of a 15 year old. I’m on the fence about what to do about that.
  12. Hey all- I am looking for some guidance. My almost 16 year old son has not come out to me but I recently came to learn that he is gay. This is not really a surprise to me at all and I am accepting of who he is. He is a great kid and I think we have a good relationship. Here is where I need help. I want him to be able to talk to me about whatever is going on in his life. I imagine that he must face struggles as a high school student trying to navigate relationships or to fit in or find his place (he has a good group of friends so maybe this is not the case). I want him to know I am ok with his sexual orientation and it changes nothing for me. I love him for who he is and just want him to be happy. I have suspected he is gay for quite some time (years) and have tried to take little opportunities as they come along to express my support for the LGBTQ+ community. I try to phase things in such a way that I don't assume gender when asking questions- like for homecoming I asked if there was anyone he was considering asking, was there a girl or a guy he had his eye on? He just answered, no, his friend group was all going together as a group, no dates. He is 1 of 5 children, he is the youngest in the family. There have been discussion in the family about dating and relationships etc. There is no judgement coming from anyone and we talk about who is dating who etc. The overall sentiment expressed is that is love is love. I feel like I have made an effort to show my acceptance so that when he is ready he would feel comfortable coming out to me. Here is my concern. I have come to learn that he made a very dangerous choice to meet up with an older guy (late 30's) who he met on the internet. They apparently met up just once although they were texting for some time. I see this as very risky behavior and it has me worried. This is quite a shock to me since I think my son is generally a very sweet, gentle, laid back kid who is just easy going. He generally has good judgement, but then again, at 15 I know he is going to make mistakes. I don't know how he came about to meeting this person (he is into gaming but usually is on a private server with friends) but could have meet through gaming or if he went online looking to meet someone. I don't know. I bothers me that an older guy met up with essentially a 15 year old! I want to talk to my son about this but I feel my hands are tied because he has not come out to me. If it were my daughter meeting an older guy and I found out about it I would talk to her about it but this feels like I would be violating his boundaries since he has not come out me yet. I really need some guidance here in how to best support him and protect him. Thanks.
  13. Maritalbliss- I absolutely agree. Not sure what OP hopes to gain from all this energy put towards the situation. It does seem vengeful and unnecessary. She has a problem with her sister as stated in her title of the post- and she has come to a resolution she feels comfortable with. It seems many of us would choose a different resolution but it is hers to decide. I am just not sure why OP has the need to keep going around and around about it.
  14. It comes across as a lot of energy spent on this situation and your relationship with your sister, at your own expense. You keep saying you don't need to do anything. You are right. You don't. But yet you are spending a considerable amount of time here with lengthy explanations and going back and forth with others. To what end? You don't need us to agree. You don't need our approval. You have your plans set. For your own health and sanity and peace I would say stop giving any of it any energy or time. Truly do nothing. Let it go and live your life. Find peace.
  15. I can offer a different perspective here. I was in Ashley' shoes years ago. I was dating someone who was not a great fit for me but breaking up took some time for both of us. We had too many up and downs to make it work long term but there were a lot of strong feelings there that made it hard to let go. After we broke up I started dating someone else for a few month but realized that I was not in the right headspace to do so and we broke up. I really liked this new guy and since my break up with the other guy was so long in the making I felt I was ready to date. I was wrong. We went our separate ways. Over the next year he reached out a few times casually just saying hi. At about the one year mark I felt I was truly ready to date again and I reached out to him and asked him out. He was living his life, had dated some in that year but was not actively dating anyone and he said yes. We started dating and never looked back. We got engaged about 2 years later and married a year after that. When we parted ways a few months after dating the first time it was not for compatibility reasons. We were very compatible. I was just not ready. It was wrong of me to date so soon and I needed more time. I risked losing him (so thankful I didn't), but it was the wrong timing for us the first time around. Who knows what the future hold for you both. She is telling you that she needs time. I would give it to her. I don't know if I would have felt the same way about my now husband if he had reached out all the time or tried to convince me to date him during that year apart. I wasn't ready. I respect him a lot for letting me go and take the time I needed, without any expectation that I would return. Live your life and once she has time to get over Tony she may be in the right headspace to date. I would't rule out her coming back around to dating you. But I also wouldn't put your life on hold waiting.
×
×
  • Create New...