emmorey

hey I don't think you should worry about the fact he bought you chocolates. They're not the earth, but chocolates are (as secret agent man said) a 'classic gift' and normally a safe bet (except when they have nuts in cos I'm allergic!). My advice is, don't worry about what it meant - he probably didn't know what to get. Once he knows you a bit better I'm sure he'll have loads more ideas! He remembered after all and got you something he probably thought he couldn't go wrong with. And you guy friend probably knows you better so could choose a better present! As for the cost, well I don't know how rich he is but as long as he treats you really well, I wouldn't equate the cost of the gift with how much he likes you. He probably didn't want to seem too full on and scare you off by spending a lot of money, especially seeing as you've only been together for a month. You say you're 15, my advice is try and enjoy yourself without worrying too much. I spent too long worrying at 15 (I'm 20) and wish I'd chilled out a bit more! So although you care about this guy, try not to let the relationship take over your mind with worries etc. Just enjoy it. Good luck to you guys, let me know how it goes. em

Hi, I know this was written a while ago. But, just to say, I read in a magazine the other day that there are some STDs that they don't automatically test for (in the UK) that people can still carry without obvious symptoms, like genital herpes and warts, and AIDS (unless you ask them to test for this). Although it may not happen, there is still a chance so I would use condoms aswell as the shot, just to be safe. emmorey

hi, thanks for yr messages and support guys just an update - he's phoned twice since i posted last. I decided to be strong and I asked him what he wanted from me. He went all embarrassed and said to see me, to go to a movie, why can't we etc. He also said he's missed me more than i've missed him (even though it was mainly him who intiated the break-up). Then yesterday, he rang again and said he was sending me an email today. He wants me to look through it and then he'll ring this evening and we could talk about it and i could ask about what he meant by whatever etc. My mum thinks he's gonna try go back out with me, and she's not keen on it, obviously because I was so upset and she saw me like that. I dunno if he will, but it'll put me in an awkward situation if he does want me back because although part of me would be ecstatic because I never wanted to split up originally, another (more sensible) part of me will remind me of the hurt he caused and how he kissed someone else and could do it again. I just don't know if I'd be able to deal with trust issues after all that. Also, no-one would support us because they think I should steer clear afterwhat he did. And also, he's off to Spain for a month, and then we're back to our separate unis. It doesn't sound like a match made in heaven, right?! Anyway, I've yet to receive the email. It might not even be about me and him. It could say anything! In a way, although it would be so flattering to be asked out again, and a real self-esteem boost, and also a kind of relief, it wouldn't be the best thing to happen, especially as I've just started properly getting over him and moving on. Maybe that's why he's writing. Who knows? I'll stop waffling now and just wait and see. em

Hey Thanks guys, that's good advice that I will take. He texted again after I posted that. I asked him why he was texting and he said "just because" and that he misses me and wants to see me. I said I didn't think it was a good idea, but he just repeated that he wants to see me and that he has photos but they don't talk to him! Which I suppose is quite selfish of him - he wants to see me regardless of how I feel about it! He even came into my workplace (I wasn't in that day) to see me, bought some grapes and left. I think I am going to confront him and ask him what he is trying to do! But he'll probably just repeat that he just wants to see me. Doh! Thanks again em

Hey The guy I was with for 15 months drunkenly kissd someone else right before my first year exams, sent me a text message meant for her inviting her over the next day, then told me he didn't know what he wanted, he didn't know if he could cope with the distance. I'm at uni 150 miles away, but we live in the same home-city. I waited for his decision for a while but couldn't stand the waiting, and decided if he loved me he wouldn't torture me by making me wait for weeks like that. So I finished it myself. I was devastated, cried nearly every night, didn't eat properly, the usual. I then started to feel better, I realised he wasn't perfect, even though I missed lots of things about him. I started to get on with my life. Now, he's been texting and mailing, saying he misses me loads and really really wants to see me. He never asks for me back or says he made a mistake. He just says he wants me to keep in touch and meet up. He even said he'd been looking at photos of me. For a while I didn't reply, but I gave in and texted back hi the other day. He said why can't we meet up and be friends, I miss you so much and really wanna see you. i said I don't think i can because i was so badly hurt. He said 'how do you know if you don't try?' and that he thought we could 'at least be mates'! He emailed a poem bout how much he misses me and wants me to mail, but has never actually asked for me back. I think he knows I would say no anyway. The thing is, now he's made me think about him again! Yesterday he texted to see how I was after my back surgery, I said I was ok, how was he (he'd also had an operation!) and he just didn't reply. This just made me think he is playing games, making me think about him and then having power over me by me wanting him to text! I know I shouldn't let him have power, but I find it hard when he bombards me with texts. I know if I read this, I would say ignore him, don't see him, move on. But I still can't help but think about him, especially when always he tells me how much he misses me and wants to see me. We've met once in the 3 months since we split, his idea. I ended up feeling sad again when we said goodbye, and wished I hadn't seen him. Any advice? I think I probably know what I should do.

Hey As far as first impressions go, personally I think its all in the eyes, smile, body language, and sense of humour. If someone's eyes sparkle, with those laughter lines, it makes me think they'd be fun. If a guy is always smiling, I end up having a good laugh too. Good body language, like not folding arms, making good eye contact etc is really important. And someone who makes me laugh is a sure winner. After all, we all want to be happy! Also, a guy who pays a girl a lot of attention and makes her feel special is always attractive. If someone's just looking for looks only, then they're probably very shallow. They may also move onto a better-looking man as soon as one comes along, which would suck. Whereas is someone wants you for YOU inside, they are likely to have a lot more integrity. There has to be a spark obviously, but girls soon realise just cos someone's asthetically gorgeous, doesn't necessarily mean they're kind, funny, sexy etc, at all. They may be, but it doesn't automatically equate to that. It is the attractive hidden qualities which make for a long lasting relationship. As far as the balding thing goes, did you know, balding men have higher testosterone levels? This is attractive to women in itself. Lots of women have fetishes about baldness. Andre Agassi, Bruce Willis, David Beckham with a shaved head, Patrick Stuart, etc etc; all sex symbols. And lots love cuddly men, and can't stand bony men: I have heard so many women say they like men with a bit of flesh on them. Its like everything, everyone has their own personal tastes. I can guarantee there are lots of women who would want a relationship with you. Just be yourself, and the right person will come along. Who wants someone who just fancies you for how you look? I am really wary of guys who claim to be head over heels for me, just after looking at me, before they even get to know me. How shallow! They are the ones who have in the long run hurt me the most, because they couldn't care less how I feel inside. Whereas the best relationships I have had are those which have formed out of a friendship. Hope that helped! em

Hey sweetie Sounds like a real tough time for you. But take comfort in the fact that you will get through this, no matter how it feels right now. I've just finished my first year of uni 200 miles away from my boyfriend. At the time I thought 'I can't cope without him'. I spent a fortune in rail tickets to see him. I didn't throw myself into uni life or my work because of him. I focussed on him because the real world seemed too scary, I didn't know anyone so I spent all my energy obsessing and thinking about him. When we did meet up it was great for months. Then we started arguing, because we both changed as people and weren't right for each other from the start. We just broke up a month ago, but this wasn't because of the distance. We were only together for 6 months before I left, and it wasn't a strong relationship. It is impossible to predict whether you guys will stay together. you must be prepared for the fact you won't. but, at the same time, two of my 6 flatmates stayed with their boyfriends of 2 years throughout uni, because they had strong relationships that were meant to last. the most important thing you can do is to create a life apart from him. It is so dangerous to focus your whole life around this guy, because if the worst happens, you will have a hole in your life so huge. You need to get out there, join some clubs, meet some new people, make a support network of friends. If you do nothing except obsess over this guy, you will end up magnifying your feelings for him and putting him on a pedestal. it is natural to miss him, and you will feel sad at first. But you will make it! Here are some tips to help you cope: 1) Join clubs, go to new places, meet new people. You must have other people in your life apart from him. 2) If he was the focus of your enture life you are bound to miss him a whole heap. Try and put things in perspective. You coped without him before you met him. You can cope without him now, and enjoy the times together even more when you meet up with each other again. 3) If he makes new friends and has fun, which he is bound to, you will feel even worse if you haven't made any new friends or had any fun. He will feel bad for the way you feel. The best way is to let him know you miss him, but you are surviving. It is too much pressure on one person for them to be the sole good thing in your life. No-one can live up to that pressure. 4) If these depressive feelings continue for weeks, that you don't want to do anything, you should think about seeing your doctor, because you may be suffering with depression. But try herbal remedies to help first, like Valerian (this also helps you sleep), or St John's Wort (if you aren't on the pill). 5) You can and will make it without him by your side! I know it doesn't feel like that right now, but it will get easier! Have faith in yourself, and learn to get by without him. then, when you see him, you two with both have something to enrich your relationship; outside interests apart form each other. This will strengthen your relationship. 6) Try writing down how you feel, or writing a letter to him (whether you send it or not is up to you). The process of writing things down will really help you come to terms with your emotions and help you get things out in the open. 7) These feelings will go away in time, time is a great healer. You may feel lost right now, but it will get easier. I hope this helps. I've been there too. Whatever happens, don't waste a year of your life pining over someone and not enjoying yourself. Just appreciate the times you've had, and will continue to have, together. Let me know how you get on. You will be okay! em

Hey sweetie Sounds like a real tough time for you. But take comfort in the fact that you will get through this, no matter how it feels right now. I've just finished my first year of uni 200 miles away from my boyfriend. At the time I thought 'I can't cope without him'. I spent a fortune in rail tickets to see him. I didn't throw myself into uni life or my work because of him. I focussed on him because the real world seemed too scary, I didn't know anyone so I spent all my energy obsessing and thinking about him. When we did met up we argued because we changed as people. We just broke up a month ago, but this wasn't because of the distance. We were only together for 6 months before I left. It is impossible to predict whether you guys will stay together. you must be prepared for the fact you won't. but, at the same time, two of my 6 flatmates stayed with their boyfriends of 2 years throughout uni, because they had strong relationships that were meant to last. the most important thing you can do is to create a life apart from him. It is so dangerous to focus your whole life around this guy, because if the worst happens, you will have a hole in your life so huge. You need to get out there, join some clubs, meet some new people, make a support network of friends. If you do nothing except obsess over this guy, you will end up magnifying your feelings for him and putting him on a pedestal. it is natural to miss him, and you will feel sad at first. But you will make it! Here are some tips to help you cope: 1) Join clubs, go to new places, meet new people. You must have other people in your life apart from him. 2) If he was the focus of your enture life you are bound to miss him a whole heap. Try and put things in perspective. You coped without him before you met him. You can cope without him now, and enjoy the times together even more when you meet up with each other again. 3) If he makes new friends and has fun, which he is bound to, you will feel even worse if you haven't made any new friends or had any fun. He will feel bad for the way you feel. The best way is to let him know you miss him, but you are surviving. It is too much pressure on one person for them to be the sole good thing in your life. No-one can live up to that pressure. 4) If these depressive feelings continue for weeks, that you don't want to do anything, you should think about seeing your doctor, because you may be suffering with depression. But try herbal remedies to help first, like Valerian (this also helps you sleep), or St John's Wort (if you aren't on the pill). 5) You can and will make it without him by your side! I know it doesn't feel like that right now, but it will get easier! Have faith in yourself, and learn to get by without him. then, when you see him, you two with both have something to enrich your relationship; outside interests apart form each other. This will strengthen your relationship. 6) Try writing down how you feel, or writing a letter to him (whether you send it or not is up to you). The process of writing things down will really help you come to terms with your emotions and help you get things out in the open. 7) These feelings will go away in time, time is a great healer. You may feel lost right now, but it will get easier. I hope this helps. I've been there too. Whatever happens, don't waste a year of your life pining over someone and not enjoying yourself. Just appreciate the times you've had, and will continue to have, together. Let me know how you get on. You will be okay! em

Hey sweetie Sounds like a real tough time for you. But take comfort in the fact that you will get through this, no matter how it feels right now. I've just finished my first year of uni 200 miles away from my boyfriend. At the time I thought 'I can't cope without him'. I spent a fortune in rail tickets to see him. I didn't throw myself into uni life or my work because of him. I focussed on him because the real world seemed too scary, I didn't know anyone so I spent all my energy obsessing and thinking about him. When we did met up we argued because we changed as people. We just broke up a month ago, but this wasn't because of the distance. We were only together for 6 months before I left. It is impossible to predict whether you guys will stay together. you must be prepared for the fact you won't. but, at the same time, two of my 6 flatmates stayed with their boyfriends of 2 years throughout uni, because they had strong relationships that were meant to last. the most important thing you can do is to create a life apart from him. It is so dangerous to focus your whole life around this guy, because if the worst happens, you will have a hole in your life so huge. You need to get out there, join some clubs, meet some new people, make a support network of friends. If you do nothing except obsess over this guy, you will end up magnifying your feelings for him and putting him on a pedestal. it is natural to miss him, and you will feel sad at first. But you will make it! Here are some tips to help you cope: 1) Join clubs, go to new places, meet new people. You must have other people in your life apart from him. 2) If he was the focus of your enture life you are bound to miss him a whole heap. Try and put things in perspective. You coped without him before you met him. You can cope without him now, and enjoy the times together even more when you meet up with each other again. 3) If he makes new friends and has fun, which he is bound to, you will feel even worse if you haven't made any new friends or had any fun. He will feel bad for the way you feel. The best way is to let him know you miss him, but you are surviving. It is too much pressure on one person for them to be the sole good thing in your life. No-one can live up to that pressure. 4) If these depressive feelings continue for weeks, that you don't want to do anything, you should think about seeing your doctor, because you may be suffering with depression. But try herbal remedies to help first, like Valerian (this also helps you sleep), or St John's Wort (if you aren't on the pill). 5) You can and will make it without him by your side! I know it doesn't feel like that right now, but it will get easier! Have faith in yourself, and learn to get by without him. then, when you see him, you two with both have something to enrich your relationship; outside interests apart form each other. This will strengthen your relationship. 6) Try writing down how you feel, or writing a letter to him (whether you send it or not is up to you). The process of writing things down will really help you come to terms with your emotions and help you get things out in the open. 7) These feelings will go away in time, time is a great healer. You may feel lost right now, but it will get easier. I hope this helps. I've been there too. Whatever happens, don't waste a year of your life pining over someone and not enjoying yourself. Just appreciate the times you've had, and will continue to have, together. Let me know how you get on. You will be okay! em

Hiya! I read your post, and my initial impression was that you sound really kind, wise, accepting, mature, supportive and solid. However, some girls, especially ones with slightly wilder tendencies, like to get drunk every weekend, will subconsciously rebel from the 'father' figure that you said you don't want to become. It is said people treat you how you invite them to treat you (there's a link to that study somewhere on this site). Perhaps by pushing her so hard to succeed and grow into the woman you think she could be, you are unwittingly inviting her to rebel aginst you? I only say this because I used to be with a guy, my first real love, for two years who was my rock, solid, supportive, we used to hang and watch telly, but used to go out together and get drunk together. But he stopped taking me places, used to stifle my wild, creative side, and patronised me a bit. I don't think you are like this, because you seem to encourage her creativity. But perhaps she is not ready and willing to be encouraged? I'll be brutally honest. Well, not that brutal, but honest. Perhaps she feels a bit like a project? She sounds quite young (sorry if i'm assuming too much!), and may feel like you are trying to mould her into an upstanding young lady that she doesn't want to be just yet? People tend to find themselves a lot faster when they follow their own paths. I don't mean if she has a drinking or drugs problem that you should ignore it. I'm just saying if she is just being young she is naturally going to be a bit rebellious. Also, maybe she simply doesn't want to change? You should love her for who she is, and whilst discouraging any drug problems, she will be more likely to calm down if she feels accepted by you. She probably doesn't appreciate your qualities right now. I fell for (and had my heart broken) by a stunningly handsome but very bad boy after I split up with the first guy, just to rebel, because the first one made me feel like rebelling! Anyway, the second guy turned out like the first! Maybe I made them feel like father figures, although I have a father? Who knows. Anyway, they both used to patronise me, even though one was a year younger, and I felt hemmed in, trapped. All we did was watch telly, neither took me anywhere fun or exciting, like surfing, climbing, a different kind of club (salsa), or a workshop or anything like that! I love trying new activities like that, and they make me thrive and feel happy. Maybe if you suggest new activities, your girlfriend will try to avoid the dreaded Sunday-morning hangover by not getting plastered the night before (British expression), and will have a lot more fun with you in the process! They say adventurous activites bond couples, so this would have a two-fold effect. I hope you work it out, I'd be interested to hear how you get on. em

Hi It sounds like you are putting yourself through a tough time! Why do you need to compare yourself to others? You are your own person. You are brilliant in your own way. I'm sure you have a heap of stuff that makes other envious. You will feel so much more fulfilled and happy if you do not need to compare yourself in order to feel good about yourself. These tips might help: 1) Instead of saying 'I'm worthless, she's better-looking, he's cleverer' or whatever, try silencing that negative inner voice and instead say positive things to yourself, like 'I have great eyes, I am so witty, I am a kind and loving person' or whatever strengths you have. This isn't big-headed, because you are saying it to yourself! 2) Whatever you have 'done' in your life, you must forgive yourself. There is no point punishing yourself. I'm sure it isn't as bad as you think. You deserve happiness, why accept anything less? 3) I think if you keep feeling so bad about yourself, looks and personality, you should think about seeing your doctor. This can be a sign of depression, or even Body Dismorphia, where you are convinced you are ugly. 4) You say you feel sad as well as jealous. Often the two are linked; you feel sad because someone has something you want, or because you think you aren't good enough. Try focussing on the things you are good at and your self-esteem will soar whilst the jealousy subsides! 5) Stop bullying yourself. You seem to compare yourself all the time. If you stop comparing and start loving yourself, the jealous feelings will subside. I know how you feel, I always used to compare myself to my ex-boyfriend's exes. But now I realise there is no need. Everyone is special in their own way, and is loved for who they are, not how well they compare to someone else! 6) I don't think it is sinful to pray for these tormenting feelings to stop. You wouldn't wish those feelings on anyone, and you don't deserve to feel this bad all the time. 7)You are not a cruel person, except to yourself perhaps! You wouldn't dream of talking to a friend the way you are talking to yourself, so start treating yourself better and you will feel much happier! I hope this helps, and that you start treating yourself in a more positive, nice way. You can make those jealous feelings stop! I did, it just takes a little self-belief and self-confidence. You can do it! em

Hi. You are doing to your ex what my ex is doing to me and it REALLY hurts. He drunkenly snogged some girl (oh, his best mates ex), it was meaningless apparently, but he says it made him realise a long-distance relationship was too hard, which I thought too, even though I'm home for 5 months. I walked away in the end because he kept saying 'I don't know what I want, I can't commit right now, you don't deserve to be treated like this' etc. I cried every night, didn't eat properly, missed my lectures (just before my exams too). Well, my girlfriends made me feel stronger, and I stopped trying to get in contact with him. I realised I didn't need to be treated like this, and that I wanted to be with someone who could offer me as much love as I could offer them. He couldn't. Now, three weeks on, he's phoning etc, and we met up today for lunch - big mistake. He said I looked great, he kept going to kiss me then saying it was force of habit, he kept nearly crying then saying it was the right decision. meanwhile, i'm left sitting opposite him, my heart in pieces, wanting more than anything to be with him, scared of being alone, but knowing I can't be with someone who treats me like this. Basically, I think you should: Decide what you want before you get in touch It is going to break her heart even more if you keep stringing her along. As it stands, you are broken up and she is probably trying to get her life sorted. Confusing her by saying you still like her while you aren't even 100% sure is misleading, unfair and hurtful. Put yourself in her shoes. You split up with her, she is probably gutted, and the last thing she needs is "false hope". She needs someone who loves her and is 110% sure they want her. She doesn't need to be messed around again, and to be caused so much hurt and pain once more. Don't be selfish Are you doing this because you still want her? Or do you just want someone by your side? You have to ask yourself that. Are you just scared she'll be with someone else? Or do you genuinely want to be with her and take care of her? These are things you must think about before you crush her hopes again. I probably sound angry but your post could have been written by my ex! And if your ex is feeling anything like me, she will not want you to lead her on then drop her again. Today my ex said stuff like 'cu soon', 'call me if you wanna meet up', and kept putting his arm around me. It is so obvious he doesn't know what he wants, but seeing him brought back all the old feelings of wanting to be with him again and I cried in a toilet cubicle when he left for a half-hour! Sad or what! But it hurt SO BAD that he wasn't sure if he wanted me. He says there's no-one else, he just can't give me the love and attention I deserve because of work, college, etc. But he gives me mixed messages. I think that by getting back with her when you aren't sure what you want, you will only break her heart again. She may end up resenting you for it. That is if she takes you back, but it will take a lot of trust, patience, love and understanding on your part to persuade her you won't hurt her like that again. You must think so carefullly. Be careful with her heart. I hope you do what is right.

Hi You might remember me from such messages as 'Jealous of his ex'. Well, it turns out that was the least of my problems! That seems so insignificant now. Its all gone horribly wrong! We are/were in a long-distance relationship, 150 miles apart (I'm at uni) but when we met (straight after my other 2 year relationship, doh), we knew I was going away and we decided to try it. I kept coming back to see him whenever I could afford it, every couple of weeks. I missed him like crazy, I used to cry about how mcuh I missed him. In total he came up to see me only 3 times, compared to my 15 at £30 a go (didn't notice this at the time...!). He cancelled the last time he was supposed to come up and I came down a week earlier instead, because he said at first it was because he missed me so much. Now I'm wondering why... Well, I'm at home now for the summer, in a seaside village a few miles from the city he lives in. 2 weeks ago, the weekend after I last went down to see him (still following?!), I got a message meant for another girl of the same name at 3pm, asking if she'd had a great night and if she wanted to come over for some company (with a wink). I was shaking and my stomach went cold. I thought possibly it was meant to me, same name, but I was 150 miles away! I phoned him straight away, and when he eventually answered, he claimed it was to his male friend who'd suffered a bereavement and he'd written the wrong name. I was even willing to believe that! He wouldn't speak to me all afternoon, it was Mother's Day and he was with his mum so I left it, because I didn't want to ruin her Mothers Day. By 6pm I couldn't hang on anymore so I texted asking what was happening and he said he'd call. Then he said it was meant to this girl from work, his best mate's ex, but that it was innocent (which he still maintains). I took his word for it, but he phoned again later and I said if you have anything else to tell me, now is the time to tell me. Well, it turns out he kissed her the night before, he was drunk and wasted, didn't kiss her for very long, I was better, etc. I was gutted, it was my worst nightmare. All I could say was "How could you?". I was angry and cried and cried after I hung up. But even then, I was willing to forgive him. The thing is, he wouldn't call or text me, and I was stuck 150 miles away from home, going crazy with worry, hurt, shock and grief. The anger hadn't sunk in. My friends supported me but no-one could make it okay for a while. All I wanted was for him to beg for forgiveness, to come and see me, send me flowers, say it meant nothing, so we could move on. But he didn't. He just said he was confused, and didn't know what he wanted. I went home the weekend after because I was a mess - he'd said he'd never do that to me. I know it was just a drunken kiss (bad enough anyway) not full-blown sex, but he was acting like it was more. Maybe it was, but he had the chance to admit it. I didn't eat properly for days because I felt so sick, and I kept crying in my room at night, wishing he was there to hold me and kiss me, knowing I should just ditch him, but unable to because I still love him. We met up, and he sobbed his heart out on my shoulder, saying he hated work and couldn't cope with college (he's doing an access course to go to uni which I've always supported him on, and he's top of the class), how his brain couldn't take in anymore information, how he had loads of work coming up and wouldn't be able to give me the attention I need and deserve, how he's hurt me and doesn't deserve me, how he maybe couldn't cope with the distance etc. He'd written a letter saying could I trust him after this, its changed everything etc, but he couldn't read it because he kept crying. He promised it wasn't an affair, just a drunken mistake, and she wasn't his type. But he felt uncomfortable around me and thought maybe we should finish it. he said he'd ruined everything, just like he always does. I felt physically sick. Then he said maybe he would just think about it. Well, I left him to it and went back up for my last week at uni (which was supposed to be fun) but I felt so weak, like I was at his beck and call, waiting for him to decide if he wanted this. He would rarely call or text, and said everything felt different. So I decided to walk away and stop texting; I was going insane. He said he didn't want it to end like this but I stayed strong. Then he sent me a letter saying "I guess its over", how he misses and loves me, how amazing I am but maybe the distance was too tough. We're both confused about things, we're still txting and I just emailed just saying we can email if thats easier (now wish I hadn't). I feel in two minds. Maybe I made a mistake by walking away because I still love him, and really miss him, even though I know I should drop him and never look back. I think we've broken up, but I said how I wished we'd discussed things and he said he'd like to do that next week, that he'll be in touch. So, yet again I'm waiting for his call. I haven't txted and I'm doing so much more now I'm single. He's not perfect for me: he has a kid in new Zealand (I'm from England), he smokes a lot of weed, he never really wants to do anything adventerous whereas I love surfing, going out, trying new things and travelling. He can be very stubborn and moody, and keeps me at arms length. Yet I'm still clinging on to the hope he'll ask me to come back! It should be me showing uncertainty, but its him! I've always been a bit worried about him and other girls, I guess because I know he cheated a lot on past girlfriends which alwas made me nervous. I guess I just thought, not me. We've been together 15 months and he knows all of my secrets and my problems. I guess I think no-one will want me except him. Insecure or what! But its also because I find him really attractive, he's great at stuff (ya know...!), and he made me laugh, and he could be so understanding! He seems to be a different person now. He's suffered from depression before, and I think he's getting it again. Well thats my rant over! I guess I'm wondering whether I should see him. I don't want to know if he's with someone else right now. The pain's lifted a lot, but I'm still vulnerable to wanting him back, because he made me feel so good and laugh so much. Do you think we should meet up? I feel so weak and vulnerable right now. I never thought this would happen, but then again, I kinda did, but just thought it was because I can be a bit jealous deep down. Would appreciate some advice on this one, thanks guys Em

heya I dunno if you've gone to the prom, and what happened, but I think whatever has happened so far that you should take you friend's advice and take a step back and be strong. I know it's soooo difficult, I've just been through it myself. But you cannot force someone to be with you. It will ruin your self-confidence and self-esteem if you continuously try to make her get back with you. You will feel a lot stronger and have lots more self-respect if you do not allow yourself to be walked all over. Do you really want to be with someone who uses you? I don't really know the entire situation, but I don't think you should hang out with her right now, because you will probably feel like you wanna be together again, and then you may end up feeling even more rejected, or she may blow hot and cold and hurt you again. There are so many decent girls out there who would not do this to you. It may not seem that way right now. But it sounds like she wants to 'have her cake and eat it' (British expression, do u know it?!). She wants the safety and security of knowing you want her, but to date around as well. If it would hurt you to see her with someone else, which it undoubtedly would at this early stage, then its probably best to have time apart, to contemplate what you both want, and to feel strong enough to be happy single, not to require someone to make you feel whole. I jumped from relationship to relationship and now I've decied, painful as it is at first, to be single for a while, to find myself and be strong. The pain eases with time, and you'll end up realising the relationship wasn't perfect, and in fact you may be better off anyway. I hope you work it out. em

Hi, I read your post, and I recognise some of what you're sayin. I think there's a few issues there you should consider. firstly, that you've got into lots of bad relationships, even at 17. I got into a bad relationship early (14) and didn't leave the guy for years. I recently (2 days ago) split up with a guy that sounds a bit like the one you're describing. I knew he had cheated on his exes before, and that he used to take home lots of random women. But he said since he met me, I'd changed him. We were together for 15 months, and he made me happy, but there was something about him that made me extremely jealous. i couldn't describe it, but maybe it was the way he spoke about other women. I don't know. But a few weeks ago, he cheated on me. I'm not saying he will turn out like my ex, but I just thought I should warn you that he could end up being another bad relationship. Its easy to fall into the destructive pattern of falling for the handsome, charming but bad guy. Secondly, are you sure you want to date a womaniser? How does this suggest he will treat you? People do change, but it is a big gamble. he may break your heart. And lastly, his ex. It is a bit weird she's still hanging around, maybe he's still stringing her along, or she just can't get over him. But if you get with this guy, will this bother you? Its unlikely she'll just disappear. You have to consider whether you can handle the bad stuff that comes with this guy. it sounds like he really hurt this girl. I probably sound quite negative, but I've just had my heart broken, and I just think, *be careful*. There are so many loving, kind, respectful guys out there; why go out with someone who will treat you badly? And if you do get together, and he has changed, then thats great. But I think you should be careful before you rush into a relationship with a known womaniser! i hope you work it out Emmorey