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reinventmyself

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reinventmyself last won the day on June 22 2022

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  1. I think it makes you human. You made a mistake. You take responsibility and move on.
  2. I did my fair share of OLD and in the beginning years I focused on one person at a time. It's not in my nature to juggle and nor did I have the time and energy to do so. At some point I took a break and came back deciding to try to talk to a few men at a time. There was always one that I liked more than the other but keeping my options open and continually moving forward was a game changer for me. I was not invested in any outcome and I learned if one didn't work out another would be coming down the line. Surprisingly it changed my energy and I felt more confident in dates and much more relaxed. That in itself likely made me more attractive. I've read your entire journey and though there is some definite validity to what you describe as a lack of chemistry. But I can't help but wonder if this is a defense mechanism on your part.
  3. My bf's mom does this. I noticed everyone else in the room has their head down so not to be in her sights, so she singles me out. Her delivery is loud and abrasive. One night eating dinner at my bfs house. . that and the 2 hours prior had taxed me. Bf, his son and father all have their eyes down and she is on a roll. I figured out what was going on and how these men deal with her. Or try not to. I was done with my plate and the rest were too, but they might have still had their forks in their hands. I abruptly circled the table, cleared the plates from all of them. I placed them on the counter, got my coat and said good night.
  4. I suppose it's always been this way but more and more I come across people who talk at you, not with you. I'd like to think I'm a good listener, but if you ramble on endlessly, interrupt me when I might say something or don't listen at all, I am beyond annoyed. I think it's incredibly selfish. It's my latest pet peeve. For the people who do this and I either pass on invites or find a way to walk away midsentence. It might not be polite but doing that endless word vomit thing is rude to your audience.
  5. The exchange of messages gets tedious. Add in - you often don't get much for your investment and it gets monotonous. You mentioned you've exchanged a few messages, and it lacks some momentum or it's one sided? Move it a phone call. Ask her if she's like to chat on the phone. I would tell men that I sit in front of a pc all day at work. I am not terribly inclined to do it some more once I get home. (truth) I'd offer a phone conversation sooner than later. Talking to them real time helps move things along, but I was also able to eliminate some after talking to them. It beats the endless emails.
  6. It's never a good to place someone so high above you, at the same time feeling you are less deserving. You've set yourself up for a disadvantage whether it warrants it or not.
  7. Dr Phil once said that for someone who has issues with over spending and debt, a million dollars wouldn't change anything. You need to learn the spend what you have.
  8. How's that working for you? How about going even if you don't reconcile.
  9. would she consider some couples counseling with you? At the very least so you both can coparent to the best of you ability. If she's totally against it, then I suppose you know where she stands.
  10. So sorry about your loss. Losing one's mother is such a profound experience. I am all about lists. I think I've developed some sort of ADD as I get older. That and I have an issue of avoidance to begin with. I have this weird thing where I feel this huge resistance to call people, whether friends or any sort of customer service related thing. I will put it off as long as I can or conveniently forget. . to my own detriment at times. My job required me to reach out to all sorts of people every day. I found post it's that were about 3x5 inch big and I would make a list and stick it to my desk. If I didn't I could rationalize all sorts of reasons to not call. But I needed a paycheck. I felt so relieved when I could cross things off my list. The post it's were helpful because then the list didn't mysteriously get buried in paperwork. I do like the reward idea. . .giving that some thought.
  11. I think there are compromises in all these issues. . hopefully. Trying to be positive here, but I am divorced and my ex and I were about as different as two can be in areas of child raising and money (among other things) He wanted to buy the kids everything and to me these moments, getting a car, etc are all teaching moments. Learning delayed gratification is basically what makes the world go around. Spoiling children can handicap them. I once read that going into a marriage is similar to running a business. Is this someone you would want as a business partner? You need to have some similar values and goals for your business to be successful. Money values run deep and rarely change. You definitely need to have some challenging conversations about these things to see if there is any compromise for you too.
  12. and what that told him is you have some self worth issues. He may ultimately find that unattractive. Someone with a healthy selfesteem doesn't continue to pursue a person who isn't interested.
  13. Instead of focusing on his behavior and wondering what he's thinking you need to put that energy into yourself. Is this relationship meeting your needs? Do you believe you deserve better? It sounds as if you are awfully available to him. Do you spend time with your friends and outside interests?
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