SophieGrace

Today's oscillations always surface tomorrow. SOLVE

Morning erections lead to sex. BAWDY

Texting every afternoon causes hemorrhoids PHONE

Campers uncover really large Yeti. SCARE

Hey Soup - Just tried to PM you back but now your PM feature is turned off. I'd say you may not have enough posts to send/receive PMs but since we've already sent one round, that wouldn't be the case. You might want to ask a moderator about that - you could have accidentally turned something off.

You can... and you will

Well I must confess sci-fi is a bit out of my reading wheelhouse so I did not connect a sentient grenade with going beyond a ballistic heaven. The way I figure it is, when writing a synopsis you need to spell everything out in a clear arc so even those unfamiliar with the more esoteric elements will still grasp the story and want to read. I think writers like Orwell, HG Wells, and even Philip K understood this well (and Philip 's books still have a lot of brainy sci fi jargon). I'll PM you - don't want to distract with my own tangential experience.

For what it's worth, I've lost entire days and weeks of work in the past through computer malfunction (and shortsightedness in not backing everything up twice). But I always chose to believe that it was a message from the universe that I could write something even better. I like your synopsis - sounds very intriguing - and I love that you are going forward with it. Some feedback for your consideration: Re: the line below: "One ex-commando with a talent (or annoyance, depending on who’s asked) for losing fingers during heists and two flirtatious robbers who banter as much as they steal, these three are more than capable of surviving the Black Markets of the Solar System." I would not add parenthetical information about character in the log line. I would also put something about those characters that describes interesting strengths or specialties so the back end of the sentence follows, rather than a guy who is so bumbling (my interpretation) that he loses his fingers regularly, or what sounds like hot girls who talk a lot (again my interpretation, but I am the one reading it. Haha.) In other words, "more than capable" doesn't follow from what you wrote. Also not clear to me who the "honorable soldiers" are who will become "dishonorable thieves"? At first I thought it was the protagonists (assumed heroes) in the previous line, but you said they are already thieves so is it the current Commandos of the Military who were once honorable and now not? And I would build out the sentient grenade line a bit more so it relates back to the plot rather than throwing it away with "then there's the matter with..." I think it will only create more interest and depth to bring it back into the whole. Finally, I love the idea of "black market of the solar system". What you had written about it in a previous post sounded really creative - you might consider building this out a bit too. That's it. Other than I am excited and proud of you and hope you will let us know how it's going!

I'm fairly new, and I just stumbled upon your journal. You are a beautiful writer; your words and thoughts, in their simplicity, are truly lovely. Thank you for taking the time to post and doing it with such consistency. It's inspiring.