friendly00069

We are plannng on 05/13 - so things are getting close. There is still the question, do I ask her about the whole back story? It could just be that it was just that, a friendly dinner and she did not want to be straight with me about it fearing I would be upset or worried? I could also be I have gotten myself all balled up for nothing. To your other questions. This is not the same person as my previouse post - but it is much the same issue. RayKay mentions "but I think she also is seeking male attention elsewhere" and I think there is some truth in this. I have watched her interact with other people. Most, if not all her friends are male - none of them close. She likes the attention, but keeps at a distance. We are not living together, although spend a great deal of time together. There have not been incidents of her not being avaliable or last minute client meetings - this I would have picked up on immediately. In fact, with very few exceptions - she has always been their for me. We met at work, in fact I was one of her clients (LOL that sounds bad). Started out with a dinner, then dating and so on. She is a wonderfull person. truly caring, and would do anything for me. I am 38 and she is 40, we both have had a single previous marriage - hers 10 years + ago, mine in the last two years. She is in many ways truly sweet and innocent, with a smile that would melt your heart. She can also be distant, or distracted - most of our arguments have been as a result of her simply being unwilling or not knowing how to "reach out" - little things, that can make a person feel insecure. So thats the scoop, guess nothing is easy.

Hi All I would like a neutral opinion. My fiancé went out to dinner last night with a male friend and co-worker. I really did not give it much thought; we both have professions that require dinner meetings and such. This night struck me as odd however. Historically, if we have a meeting like this, or a social gathering, we will call each other after to touch base, say good night, etc. In this case, the dinner was at 6:30pm or 7:00pm, and when she did not call to say good night by about 11:00pm or so, I called her to make sure all was well. She was giggly happy, and seemed to be on top of the world. I was not as happy as you might guess, given I was a bit worried about her and had been expecting her call. In any case, despite my best intentions this got me thinking. She had mentioned a week or so back that a male co-worker had been given gift cards from a client to a local restaurant and offered to take her to lunch. Again, I did not think anything of this. When we spoke earlier in the day yesterday, she mentioned that she had been invited for a dinner meeting by several team members. She called me later in the day, and kept asking me if she should go or not, and that she was not sure if she felt like it. At the time, I told her she should go, always a good idea to keep in touch with fellow workers. She then called me on her way to the dinner, and told me that the dinner was with co-workers from one client location (thinking about it now, I believe she only has one team member at this particular client), or that it might just be one person. When I called her, she told me just the one friend had shown up. She went on to tell me that he was a "goofy" guy, very funny and that she had a really nice evening. I said good night and left it at that, as I did not want to sound like the "jealous" boyfriend. I also do not want her to feel that I don't trust her, or sound accusatory. I thought about it all night, and I can't help but think her story is a bit fishy. My cynical side tells me in reality a male friend invited her to dinner, she accepted - and did not want to tell me she was going out with someone else. I am also a strong believer that there must be trust in a relationship, and I will not spend my days looking over my shoulder. A small lie often turns to larger lies, and then the lawyers get involved. So, what to do? If I ask her about it, she will more then likely take it as an accusation, and I may just be making something out of nothing. On the other hand, I hate nagging questions.

Hello All: Been a long and I mean long week; I could use some neutral advice. My fiancé and I became engaged in October – we planned on being married in February. Both of us have large families and larger extended families, add in friends and a lot of people become involved. In any case, Feb did not work as we felt we did not have time to prepare. Hunting for a venue became a challenge, balancing the usual variables, cost, location, availability – etc. We finally found a place we really liked, almost settled on it – and then after a bit of math found there was no way it would be big enough to handle all the guests. After wrangling with whom should we exclude, how to make it smaller, we decided a new venue would have to be found. Finally, after much hand wringing we found new a venue, perfect location, large enough to handle the load and at a price we could afford. Truly excited, we set our date (early April), updated family and friends and started planning. Wouldn't you know, a panicked call comes in – the date is to close to another family member's wedding (a cousin), scheduled a week after ours. We knew the date of the other wedding, confirmed with them that our date would not pose to much of an issue, everyone seemed ok with the timing; until the soon to be mother in law weighed in. She felt it would take away from her daughters' wedding, that it would be too hectic on the family. The call came into my fiancé; a request was made to change our date. She was none to happy about this. After all the work to get to a point where we had a date settled, the last thing she wanted to hear is that we would change it. Nothing is set in stone, and although we ordered cards, they had not been mailed. We could change, without too much of a penalty – the venue is avaliable in May. None the less, after a night of reassurances and tears, she is bouncing between "the hell with them, we will do it anyway" to "ok, we will move to May" and even so far as "forget the formal wedding/party/etc., lets just do immediate family, very close friends, wedding at home and be done with it". So what to do, on one hand 30 more days one way or the other is not the end of the world. The smaller, immediate family idea is fine with me, but I know she will regret it later and the "hell with them" probably wont work, nobody wants to get married under those conditions. So, what to do? Btw – other family member cannot move venues, they agreed to a contract that includes penalties should they change dates.

Would like some practical advice. I am divorced, and have been seeing a wonderful person for about a year. We simply fit; we compliment each other in almost every way. We have fun, discussions, deep thoughts; it has been the most enjoyable time of my life. We have had our disagreements, and misunderstandings - but always we come back to each other. We decided to get engaged and set a date to be married. The engagement went off without a hitch, I received permission from her family, my family was thrilled - we had a big get together, all was perfect. Since that time, we have had several arguments. All over small things. She wanted to invite a close male friend to a family event and I objected. She started making comments about not having enough time to do anything and that I was eating up all of her time. These comments, stung, and I reacted badly - getting upset, saying silly comments like "if you don't have time for me, then fine, I won't see you....". The last few weeks have been full of ups and downs. I am torn, as she is finding any excuse to delay the wedding, I am bouncing from jumping in joy, to uncertainty and trepidation. I am not a young guy, and this is my second marriage, I am scared, I do not want to make a second mistake. I love this person she is everything to me. She pegged me correctly when she said that I am like two different people, one happy, content, confident the other insecure, unsure - that sometimes she feels I am not talking to "her" when I react. What should I do? How do I reconcile the two sides within me? At this rate, I will drive her away, and yet, I still seem to fall into the same trap (react before thinking, then feel bad about it later). Any help, advice, suggestions - would be appreciated? Anybody ever been through something like this before?

Kellbell: Thank you so much for your insights. I agree with you and think you are right on target. I have to admit though, it is hard to avoid feelings that come easily, even when you know, deep down inside that they are wrong and out of place. Thanks.

Hello all: Would appreciate some thoughts. I have been dating a girl for about a year now and we are planning on getting engaged next month. She is the most wonderful person I know – almost all the time. However, some times I feel very insecure or jealous, or both – hard to tell the difference often times When I am with her, she is warm and caring – talks about the future and our relationship and we simply click. She is my best friend as much as my greatest love. When we are apart, it's almost like I no longer exist. She does not call, or drop me a note or reach out at all. If I call her, she is often distracted, focused on other things – just not really "there". This of course, gets me upset and I start thinking – what's going on, why, how, etc…. In one example, she calls me to say she is stepping out for the evening as one of her client companies is having a get together. I though this was great and asked some general questions, like what company, who is going, where – not really thinking anything of it. She made a point of telling me that she would see me the next day and we would do something special, that this was all last minute and unplanned, and that although she had already eaten by the time the plans were made, she would just have coffee. I did not ask her for any of this detail, and did not really even register it as odd the she felt the need to provide it until later. Turned out, it was actually a guy, an associate of hers that happened to be on contract with the client company that had asked her to dinner. She called me later the same night, and talked about how nice the guy was and how great the meeting had been. At this point, I was not very happy, although I did not say anything, she could sense it in my tone. She seemed quite put out by the fact that I was not too happy that her dinner had gone well. So now I am upset with myself for the feelings of jealously, insecurity, etc. that I can't seem to shake. I keep thinking, why would she lie – if she wanted to meet a business associate, or a friend she had worked with – why not just say so. Anyway, I need to discuss with her I know, but I do not want her to think I am so insecure that I don't trust her. What should I do?