miss_sunshine

Well bubba I hate to say it but I still miss you so much. It's been almost 14 months since you left after 11 years and I still think about you all the time. I still find myself in shock sometimes that you really didn't care about me in the end and never looked back and moved on to someone new. I sit here sometimes in the house we shared together for 8 years and I can still imagine what it was like to come home to you, to hear your footsteps in the hall, feel you hug, your kiss, remember your laugh. It still hurts me so much that you were everything to me and I was nothing to you in the end. I was so easy to replace with another and you get to just move on and be happy with someone else while I am still here in pain after all this time. I need to stop asking myself why, trying to understand what I was to you, how we got to this place but I just do not know how to do that. I am still trying to wrap my head around it all after all this time and it is slowly driving me insane. The rational part of my brain knows that I gave everything I had, I loved you with all of my heart, I would have done anything for you and you treated me poorly, I deserved better, you were cheating on me but then my heart still longs for you, what we had, the beautiful moments we shared. I still don't know how after everything you could just pack up and go and move on. I really didn't know you in the end, I thought you were so much more of a man than you ended up being. I thought you would never be capable of hurting me in the way that you did. I wonder if you ever feel bad for what you did, if you ever miss me, if the grass is greener on the other side? It still feels like I am living in a parallel universe a lot of the time because the man I loved, shared half my life with would have never done this to me, yet you did. It is so unfair and I will never understand how little I meant to you, what I meant to you and whether you even ever loved me at all.

I still love you, I still miss you, I still wish I could hear your voice and feel your arms around me again. What I wouldn't give to go back in time and kiss you one last time, hold you one last time, hear you tell me you loved me. I miss what we had so much, I loved our life together, more than I even knew at the time. You are happy (I assume) with someone new, you cheated on me, left me after 11 years but my heart still longs for what we had. I know I should just get over you, see you for the lying, cold-hearted person you ended up being but for some reason I can not seem to do that. I'm scared I will always love you. I'm scared I will never meet someone who I will love as much as you. I am scared I will always feel this pain and that I will always think of you every night before I go to bed and every morning when I wake up. I'm scared that I will never get over the pain of you leaving me for someone else, seeing you treat me with such coldness after I gave you everything I had for so long.

Arrrggghh I still miss you and I am so sad even 9 months later. I just want this pain to subside, I want to feel normal again, have one day free from these thoughts and just be able to feel present in my own life. The more time that passes, I realise just how little you cared about me. That I really did not mean much to you in the end, even though I gave you 11 years of unconditional love. I still can't believe that you did this to me. I wonder what I did wrong in my life to end up in this position. Not only having to deal with a chronic illness, but also having to be in this pain. I just want to be happy, I just want to be healthy. It's not fair, the things that other people take forgranted I am here praying for everyday. Bubba, know I love and miss you everyday. You are always on my mind and I hope you are ok. You are still the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing at night. I muse everything about you and wish you were here. All my love xoxo

Well bubba, I missed you today. I felt a real ache in my heart and missed you. Your birthday was this week and I thought of you all day, even though you will never know that. And today is Australia Day, a day for 11 years we have spent with friends. Listening to the Hottest 100, with a BBQ and some drinks. I missed your smiling face so much, I missed getting to drive home from a day out with you, I just miss you. It is so crazy to me still that it is really all over and I no longer mean anything to you. I love you bub, and I am trying so hard to get over you but I want you to know, even though I will probably never speak to you again that I love you. Our time together meant so much to me, you are still the other part of me and I hope one day that will change. I am doing so many things without you and meeting so many new people, but at the end of the day I still miss you and want you here. I am so scared that you are the love of my life and that there will never be another one. xxx

This song is reminding me of you tonight. Well, maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much, But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up. Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well. Hey, you call me up again just to break me like a promise. So casually cruel in the name of being honest. I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here 'Cause I remember it all, all, all... too well. Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone But you keep my old scarf from that very first week 'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me You can't get rid of it 'cause you remember it all too well, yeah 'Cause there we are again, when I loved you so Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all Down the stairs, you were there, you remember it all It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

Well bubbaroo, I still miss you. It's been 7 months since the breakup and I still miss you. I lie here in the bed we used to share and I can still feel you. How sad is that! I can still feel what it was like to have you here, I can still feel your touch, hear your voice. It hurts like hell that you no longer love me. I still find myself in shock sometimes that its all over, that you really don't love me. That 11 years of my life ended like it was nothing. I saw a funeral scene in a TV show today and it made me so sad because we will never be together again. One day when you die, I won't be there. I will just be a chapter of your life that meant nothing and that makes me so sad. You were and are everything to me. You will never know just how deeply I loved you, just how much you hurt me, how much you have broken me. That I truly would have done anything for you. You will never know that I still think of you hundreds of times a day, that I still miss and love you with all my heart. You are probably sound asleep right now next to another girl and I am wide awake thinking of you. I love you and miss you and hope to see you in my dreams. Xxx

Well bubba it has been over 6 months since I have seen your face, heard your laugh, looked in to your eyes and had you sleeping next to me at night. I miss you so much I can not even put it in to words. I sit here now with tears streaming down my face and I know you would be somewhere smiling, moving on with your life and it hurts my heart so much. I feel a tightness in my chest, I feel physically sick, I miss you so much. I just do not know how to let you go. I thought we had something so special. I know that no-one will ever love you as much as I do. I would have done anything for you and I probably still would. It hurts that I am just a chapter in your life now, when to me you were the whole story. You will never be the father of my children, we will never go on that honeymoon we talked about, or go to Vietnam like we said. You will never be waiting for me at the end of the aisle, we will never dance to our song together. This house is filled with memories of you. I can still feel you hear. What a sad and lonely life I lead without you. I go out and see friends and do things but something is always missing and when I am alone I feel like half of me is missing, because it is. You took your heart with me when you left that day, when you told me it was over. You took my dreams with you that day. You have truly broken me and I am scared I will never again be whole. You get to move on and be happy and I am left with all the pain. Sometimes I wish this life would just be over and my mind could rest for awhile. I wish I could be with you. I can not believe you do not love me and that I have to live the rest of my life without you. It is just so unfair. I wish I never met you as this pain is truly unbearable. I love you and I miss you.

This song is exactly how I feel! Nicki Minaj "Bed Of Lies" Do you ever think of me, when you lie? Lie down in your bed, your bed of lies And I knew better, than to look in your eyes They only pretend, you will be mine And you know how you made me, believe You had me caught in every web, that you weaved But do you ever think of me, when you lie? Lie down in your bed your bed of lies I just figured if you saw me, if you looked in my eyes You'd remember our connection and be freed from the lies I just figured I was something that you couldn't replace But there was just a blank stare and I couldn't relate I just couldn't understand and I couldn't defend What we had, what we shared, and I couldn't pretend When the tears roll down it's like you ain't even notice em If you had a heart, I was hoping you would've showed it some What the you really telling me, what you telling me I could tell you lying, get the out, don't yell at me So does she know I've been in that bed before A thousand count, and not a single threaded truth If I was just another girl Then I'm ashamed to say that I'm not over you There's one thing I need to know So call me, when you're not so busy just thinking of yourself

No need to laugh chamachama, we are all in pain here. I don't normally just having one of those nights where I am struggling a bit. Very true though. I see your point. Still pretty harsh to laugh at someone else's pain.

I want you to know just how much you have broken me. How much you have hurt me. That I am forever changed from your actions. I wish I could send you this text message but I never will. I will go on loving you in silence, never to be returned. Hi Xxxxx, how are you going? I miss you so much it hurts. I hope you are ok and smiling. I was looking at some old photos of us today and I miss your beautiful smile, your brown eyes. Laughing with you, hugging you, holding you when I sleep. Nothing is the same without you and it never will be. All my love xoxoxoxo

This is how I feel tonight. You have been gone for over four months and I still love you soooo much bubba. You will never know as we have not been in contact all that time. i wish you stayed and did not have to leave me after 11 years. It hurts so much, I can not even explain how much. Westlife Forever I'll be loving you forever, Deep inside my heart you'll leave me never, Even if you took my heart, And tore it apart, I would love you still, forever, You are the sun, You are my light, And you're the last thing on my mind, Before I go to sleep at night, You're always round, When I'm in need, When trouble's on my mind, You put my soul at ease, There is no one in this world, Who can love me like you do, That is the reason that I, Wanna spend forever with you, I'll be loving you forever, Deep inside my heart you leave me never, Even if you took my heart, And tore it apart, I would love you still, forever, We've had our fun, We've made mistakes, But who'd have guessed along that road, We'd learn to give and take, It's so much more than I could have dreamed, Cause you make loving you, so easy for me, There is no one in this world, Who can love me like you do, That is the reason that I, Wanna spend forever with you, I'll be loving you forever, Deep inside my heart you leave me never, Even if you took my heart, And tore it apart, I would love you still, forever, And girl I pray you leave me, never, Cause this is the world, where lovers often go astray, But if we love each other, we won't go that way, So put your doubts aside, Do what it takes to make it right, I love you, forever, no-one can tear us apart,[/b] I'll be loving you forever, (forever) Deep inside my heart you leave me never, Even if you took my heart, (took my heart girl) And tore it apart, (you tore it apart now) I would love you still, forever, And I'll be loving you forever, (forever) Deep inside my heart you leave me never, Even if you took my heart, (you took my heart girl) And tore it apart, (you tore it apart now) I would love you still, forever, I'll be loving you forever, Deep inside my heart you leave me never, Even if you took my heart, And tore it apart, I would love you still, forever

Hi JDMxTeGrA101, that is a hard one to copy haha. I'm sorry to hear you have to same pain as me. It's awful and excruciating I know. I almost wish we could all get together on this site in one place and talk. That would be so wonderful to be surrounded by people who understand.

It's 1.30am, I can't sleep thinking about you. It has been almost 5 months since you told me it was over and ended our relationship of 11 years. I am really struggling tonight, I am missing you so much. And the pain that you do not love me anymore is overwhelming. I still can't believe it is really true and you are actually gone. I miss you so much, it's an ache in my chest. I am walking around without my heart as you still have it. I still do not yet understand what hapenned, where my best friend went. I feel like noone understands my pain and everyone just wants me to be ok and noone wants to hear how much pain I am really in. I miss you bubba, your smile, your laugh, your voice, your eyes, your hair, your hugs, your kiss, lying next to you in bed, hearing you breathing next to me at night. It will never be again and it is so very hard to accept. I know that noone will ever love you as much as I did but I have to let go. Somehow I have to let go. 4 months NC and you are still the first thing I think of in the morning and the last at night. Loving you always xxxxx

So relating to this song right now. Oh baby why did you run away? I was there for you in your darkest times. I was there for you in your darkest nights. But I wonder where were you, when I was at my worst down on my knees? And you said you had my back. So I wonder where were you? I hear your voice in my sleep at night Hard to resist temptation 'Cause something strange has come over me And now I can’t get over you No, I just can’t get over you It brings out my anger. I was there for you every day for 11 years. I went out of my way to make you happy. I was always the one to bend and compromise, to run errands for you, worry about you, look after you. And you just left like I was nothing. Like all those years meant nothing. I hope you know how much you hurt me, I hope you wake up in the middle of the night and know what you did to me. I hope karma comes your way and you get to feel the full pain of what you have done to me. I deserved better than this. You used me up and spat me out when I was no longer of use. You are mean and cruel and heartless and I know you do not deserve my tears.

Ahhh Bubba I have not written to you on here in a while now. It has been four months since you told it is was over after 11.5 years. I feel a lot more zen with it all now but I still find it hard to believe that it is really true. That my best friend and partner of all those years did not love me in the way that I thought he did. That you are really gone and we will never be together again. It is Sunday night and I really miss you on a Sunday night. I wish I had someone to cuddle up to and watch a movie with. I wish the person who used to be my best friend was here. I wish I could talk to the person that I thought you were. See your face, hear your voice. I have not seen you in 3 months and that is truly so strange to me. I still love you and miss you everyday. And there are things I wish I could say sorry for but I know you do not really deserve that from me. You hurt me so much, you lied to me, strung me along and I just can not believe who you really were in the end. I thought you were so wonderful when really you were just a selfish liar who only thought about yourself. I still miss you though so much.